The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Spicing Up The Winter Nights With Rich Hot Chocolate And Thermal Tights!

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse

I'm one of the Brave Babes travelling on this fantabulous Bus, on it's journey to the wonderful world of sobriety.

The great thing is, that the people on here are a real mixed bunch. Some are drinking regularly, some aren't. Some are sober and have been for any number of days, some weeks, months and yep, some even for years.

There's no judging pants allowed, no savoury flans either , just lots of unconditional support from many varied sources. Yes, some of us have been here from the start but please don't let that stop you posting, this thread is for EVERYONE and it always has been

If you'd like to have a look back, here are some links. One to the previous thread and one to the very first, and the reason we are all still here.

See you soon,

Mouse xx


PREVIOUS THREAD

FIRST EVER THREAD

[EasyToEatTiger]

I've had my first week for months getting my alcohol intake inside Government guidlines (yawn). I don't like being told what to do, and I think that some of my drinking has been out of rebellion than desire for alcohol.. If I take out the rebellion bit, really there's not much point in drinking for Britain.
Thank you for picking me up, Mrs bus driver! I am in need of taking a bit of a look at myself and recognising the wretch I have been. When I visit my parents, the whole thing is alcohol fuelled, and I have too many memories of unhappiness and drunkeness, and wanting (and it not materialising) to be loved, and trying to drink my way out of situations.

[kikilondon]

Clutter..I'm like that...a glass of wine always leads to more, then want fags/drugs/party all night if I could!! Addictive personality?! Woke up with banging headache too today and didn't drink last night! Toxins? Babej..day 5, can we believe it???? Today I am not going to drink

[kikilondon]

Tiger - well done!!

[helpyourself]

Lots of water and sweet treats today clutter and as much fresh air as you can bear this chilly morn. Plan for tonight too. No excuses to nip out at wine o'clock.
And HALT. Avoid getting hungry, angry, lonely or tired. If you do, fix it! Eat, talk and sleep well tonight.

[babyjane1]

clutter 2 painkillers and lots of water, put last night behind you, new day, new journey on the bus, stay close and keep talking, happy days x x x x

[Tristessa]

Be kind to yourself today, clutter

Addictive personality - check. When I was younger and my friends were into drugs I never quite got them myself because I couldn't see the point of smoking say one joint, or taking one pill and waiting for the effects to wear off before maybe having another. MORE! NOW! AGAIN! my brain would scream at me, and I would be the one drinking and smoking cigarettes incessantly on top of whatever it was we were doing and getting told I was cancelling out the effects.

I still do it now with drinking anything. I have to force myself to sip a carefully-made spicy tomato juice rather than neck it.

[EasyToEatTiger]

I think some people have a greater drive for more and more than others. My 'more' brakes are very feeble indeed although they do exist. Somewhere. Please forgive yourself Clutter. Again and again and again. If any demons rise up in a hangover kind of a way, let them float off.
I have noticed that I come from a spectacularly judgemental family. Small things keep popping up. My mother has stayed with my father for reasons that I expect stem from a lack of support and a bitter lonliness. I think that we, the children use alcohol in my family as a connection to my father and a desire to be loved. By not drinking i guess I am trying to break those ties. I don't know if it will work, but it is a thought. It's very hard to accept myself as a person who is loved and wanted when throughout my childhood the evidence didn't back this up.

[Mouseface]

Morning, tis me, Mouse

Clutter - You can't undo what is done but you can move forward from it. Start again today, well, start again until say, 3pm and see how you feel. Come back and post. Doesn't have to be on the dot as it were but come back and update us on how you're feeling. Just letting it out helps sometimes, whatever the 'it' may be. It's good that you are getting counselling if you want it, that's half the battle, wanting to get help and then getting it, starting that ball rolling IYSWIM?

You remind me a little of myself when I was on my own with DD. I used to go and get a nice chilled rose from the same shop every night, £2.99 it was and 10 Marlborough lights..... Once DD was safely tucked up in bed, out came the wine and fags and that was me, job done. I rarely ate dinner because I saved the money I had for DD and the wine and fags were my 'food'

I would also want more, text neighbours asking if they fancied a drink, bring a bottle etc...... that was my life for a number of years following my departure from my abusive ex.

I can't believe that I was that person now, looking back is like reading a book about another woman, who reminds me of myself in some ways but her past behaviour also shocks me.

[Mouseface]

Update on Nemo - we had another hellish night with him crying and waking lots. He's still very upset and unsettled. He keeps asking for the light on so the dark is bothering him which is not like him and PICU was lit up like bloomin' Blackpool illuminations!!

I got stuck in bed with pain again this morning to had to try to reach for meds and stop screaming out in pain whenever I moved until the initial pains wore off a little once the meds kicked in. The District Nurse called yesterday to discuss how they can help with equipment so they've suggested the Independent Living Partnership to see if they can help...... I can do this anymore. I'm not even dressed.

Anyway, it's Friday. Is anyone planning anything nice in or out tonight? Are we having any wobbles about it being Friday and therefore 'I've worked my ass off all week or I've not had a drink all week or I've had less than normal this week or It's been a shit week, great week etc so deserve a drink tonight?'

Keep posting Babes! Remember what Help said...... plan your night away from alcohol. Think about the morning, the stale alcohol in the pit of your stomach, yuk.

Personally, I will be watching The Mentalist and getting my Simon Baker fix. If I can, I plan to get into the bath (with the help of DH), light some lavender candles and make myself a nice cranberry and pomegranate mocktail, with a bit of chilled Ibiza on............................ arhhhhh.

[ohcluttergotme]

Thanks for everyone's kind words trying really hard not to beat myself but keep getting that horrible hungover worthless, crap mum feeling! Didn't take crazy toddler to his playgroup as couldn't face it the way I'm feeling & feel bad as that's meant to be special time for us as I find him challenging. Also he had bourbons & monster munch for breakfast which further fuelled my crap mum thoughts! Did drive teenage one to school & gave her £20 for Christmas fair so didn't feel quite do crap to her when I was drinking the wine last night I was actually having a great time, felt like I was really connecting with ant & dec & finding them so funny and cos I was feeling good & not really that drunk I thought I'll be fine, I'll be ok tomorrow! Think I maybe would be ok if didn't have toddler to contend with. I've got a friend coming round & have bought a bottle of red as feel I can't handle a night in with friend plus hangover & not drink. I really just want jammies on & bath then bed!
mouse so sorry for what a hard time your going through with yourself & with your little nemo really hope you manage bath & pain eases up for you. My ds just just recently has become scared of the dark & we got a little nightlight that we plug in which he likes but does still need the door open a little. Now one of our cats goes in & cuddles into him for warmth which I think works out well for both of them.
Wishing all babes good luck over the weekend

[kikilondon]

Clutter, just a thought but why not cancel your friend and do what you want this evening?

Mouse, poor Nemo...must be so traumatic to see him in pain like that

I've just bought smoothies and some new bath salts. Got Xmas fair tonight then may go to pub for bite to eat with friends but def won't drink as driving. Day 5!!!

Love that quote that taking one day at a time soon adds up to a whole new you! V inspiring!

[Mouseface]

Well done Kiki!! See, 5 days ago I bet you'd have said yeah, right if I'd have said you could go four whole days without a drop of alcohol passing your lips wouldn't you?

He has a Glo Clock but is in our bed with me so I can monitor him, meds etc and DH is in his bed. We do have his little glowing cow in the bedroom which I should maybe move nearer the bed now you mention the night light, thanks x

Clutter - do you really want to drink again tonight or would you rather do what you want? As Kiki says, why not cancel? Do you really want another day of feeling like you do now?

Not wanting to harp on but for me, the thought of a two/three day hangover fills me with dread.

[greeneyed]

Hey babes just wishing you all well for tonight, I am going for dinner with friends and will have some wine - I think it's fairly safe, it is local there's no where to go when the pub shuts, DH is with me and I have a playdate in the morning so hopefully will manage not to go mad. I feel quite comfortable about this as I can manage to limit quantity is this situation (it's drinking everyday which is a bigger problem for me than an inability to stop when I start)y I have driven the last couple of times I've been out and have been very glad afterwards (last night out in town girlfriends ended up out till 3am and doing coke, I was tucked in bed at midnight )

I'm still not completely decided as my main worry is I'll smoke, which I really don't want to, so I'm taking the car and may drive home. What a ramble sorry!

[EasyToEatTiger]

Oh Clutter, I really feel for you. Only last week did I drink like a fish, and have to go out the following evening knowing that I was going to go through it all over again. It is such a horrible way to feel.
The truth is that we don't have to go through it all over again unless we are going to shake ourselves to bits and have a heart attack if we don't. Are you getting signs of dependence when you don't drink?
I think the warm fuzzy feeling that alcohol gives you can come from your own body. At about 8pm I often feel as though I've had a few drinks, which again makes me wonder if I really need them. My brakes are crap.

[Mouseface]

Greeny - ramble away! That's the whole point, get your thoughts out in the open not only so that you can see them, but so that others can see them too..... we can all help each other if we relate to how one another feels about drinking/smoking/drugs...........

It's all in the same pond, just different fish.

last night out in town girlfriends ended up out till 3am and doing coke, I was tucked in bed at midnight - bleurgh, I remember those days well. The come down the next day would always involve alcohol and maybe the odd spliff to take the edge off the teeth grinding. Yuk!

So, tonight you are going to drink, you've made that decision already, job done. Again, that's all part of the battle is to plan your drinking. DH said to me just now "Is it beer o'clock" because he's had one hell of a week with work, not a bad week, just a busy week and his brain is telling him that clocking off, working hard is rewarded with beer.

I hope you have a great night Greeny, I'm sure that because you are allowing yourself alcohol you won't over do it. In fact, I'm positive that you won't....... it's when we're told we can't have something that we go overboard on it.

It's how we're hard wired imo, well, I know I am!

[Mouseface]

Tiger - My brakes are crap. Maybe, maybe just now they are but you'll get there eventually. If you want to stop completely that is, then you have to be so ready. I know that's all I ever say you have to want it, you have to be ready but you do.

Not everyone can just stop overnight and stay stopped forever, you have to give yourself a break and take the pressure off your own expectations and those of others too......

You also have to plan how to stop, research it. Take the emotion out of it too. Make it less personal. Make it a thing, not part of who you are.

It's early days xx

[Sunnywithachanceofshowers]

Hello lovelies

Hugs to Nemo (he's an honorary BB, isn't he really? :))

I was up during the night writing my essay for uni, I've had a long nap but I feel awful. I am not going to drink tonight, the last thing I fancy is booze as I feel jet lagged already. Ugh.

[EasyToEatTiger]

Thanks Mouse! I think already it's started to become less personal. That's what I mean about trying to find things through inert substances. Might as well fall in love with brise blocks.. Yes I'm on the way, but I'm not there yet. Nothing to be smug about. I've had a bit of alcohol councelling. Mostly it was not about the alcohol but the other crap. The penny is starting to drop. Finally. Maybe, just maybe I'll be a sober 50 year old, if I get that far!

[Mouseface]

Koti - are you drinking? Did you resist? xx

Tiger - keep burning bright.............. keep being you and worry about what is important to YOU and not the rest of the world. This is YOUR LIFE. Now. Today. Counselling can work wonders, or it can show you a way to walk a different path.... show you what works for your life and your heart.

I'm off to bed, Nemo is struggling big time tonight so I need to be there in all ways.... nurse, 'Mamma bear' and story teller in a while when he wakes in a cold sweat, scared of the dark, scared that we're not there, Mamma and Dadda Bear......

As soon as we are able, we'll get him assessed for his PTSD.... it's complex as he's so little but he needs so work it out of his system and we need to help him.

Night night brave babes xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Sunnywithachanceofshowers]

Hello again Babes

Mouse, big hugs to you and Nemo. I hope you both have a peaceful night.

Well done kotinka, I've eaten a chocolate and am drinking lemonade. I've just spent an hour on the phone to my DSis, which is lovely, rather than not answering the phone.

Bed soon - night all xxx

[babyjane1]

Hi babes, been following all your posts but it's been a busy day with my dd's, day 5 and tonight was very very hard!! Very proud I went swimming at 6 tonight and did 20 lengths then a lovely sauna to finish off, this was not merely an attempt to get fitter but to try and avoid my extremely strong urge for wine. I feel proud to get to here but with every day I succeed I am mounting pressure on myself to keep going, with is a good and bad thing I guess... Anyway I made it by the skin of my teeth, when will these cravings end??? And Kiki are you still hanging on? My willpower is waning but I'm tucked up in bed so tomorrow is another dayxxxx

[babyjane1]

Sending big hugs to mouse and nemo and to all you babes struggling alongside me x x x

[babyjane1]

leucan just wondered how your doing? Was just looking through all my old posts for inpiration and you helped me see the benefits of life without wine so I was thinking of you, let me know how it's going. Night all x x x