Well purse my fanjo, giraffes in wheelchairs and submariners going dowwwnnnn - the dating thread hits 30!

[JulietteMontague]

Off we go...

Sorry that was a long post. Yoga yay you on the job. OWW - it's difficult to see how LM can improve things, but a potentially life changing experience can have short term effects on things like dating - or whatever it turns into post-dating - so if you really feel like you're being screwed around then be up front with him rather than just letting it wither away. You thought he was lovely, he might just be so wrapped up in stuff that he's forgetting to be as lovely as he was before - I'd do the 'we need to talk' call and if he can't be arsed to do that, then drop him.

Kirsty - no oral isn't perfectly safe, but it's safer than full on sex, and I'd still insist on a condom - as a new experience for him if nothing else :) Some people do ask for a clean sheet (if you'll pardon the expression) before anything more than kissing. And even kissing can transmit STIs, but you've got to choose what's a realistic line to draw.

lulu - what OWW said - the mediation can go wrong if one party has been abusive and feels wronged - just be prepared to leave if you feel like you're being walked over, even if your mediator thinks it's fine.

juliette I want to go to mediation and get things sorted, I am happy to go, and feel strong enough to do it. it's just going to be hard work because of the way he is and how he behaves. I'm dreading it because it will conjure up some emotions again that have been on the back burner.

Basically if it is a nightmare, I won't progress with it, but I want to give it a go and see. I will report back after tomorrow's meeting.

Genuinely, my thoughts on this OWW, for what they are worth, is that he is really into you when seeing you regularly, but when there is a break its out of sight out of mind. Some folk really work like that. With the ex pulling his strings and the recent op his thoughts are being diverted elsewhere. It is totally up to you about what you do with a guy like that. Deffo not YOU tho.

Kirsty absolutely no skinless sausage allowed near this roll.

Thanks for that, Ike and that does make sense of how he behaves and blows hot and cold. But what I want is someone who's at least as into me as I am into him, and in a steady way, not having a conversation about falling in love and hot sex on Monday and then cancelling dates and ignoring texts by Thursday. I can't deal with that.

And thank you Bantam - I am going to wait for the much-vaunted weekend phone call and take it from there. If he doesn't phone, then I have my answer. If he does, I will have a conversation with him about how things aren't working for me at the moment with the way they're going and see what the possibilities for change are.

I did text him last night, despite what I said, as I felt a bit sad for him after the rubbish day he'd had. It was just a quick one to ask how he was feeling, nothing else, and he's read and ignored it. He's not even trying, is he?

Skaffen - eww to the eyebrow hair, though I live in dread of having something like that on myself and no-one telling me . . .

WW The thing is, the op could have been life changing so may have dragged up a lot of stuff for him. Regardless, if you feel you're being treated badly & the stuff with the ex is too much then you should tell him that. I'm not suggesting you put up with it if you feel he's using you or taking you for granted.

Lulu Good luck for Saturday, it won't be easy but you'll get through it! My ex never physically abused me but the mindfuck alone is pretty damn awful. He recently asked me if I would go to mediation with him (we've already sorted out financial stuff this was just for personal stuff). I told him I would consider it but simply didn't have the money to pay for it - I would go if he paid. He replied that it would only "mean something" to both of us if we both contributed to the costs & I obviously wasn't committed to a better future for our children. It's really, really hard when they mess with your head like that. Stay strong. xxx

Have ordered the purple bag. Did you see all the pockets inside and the lovely lining? I go all gooey at a bag with lots of pockets. (Sorry, it's been a long time since i've had an excuse to buy a new bag!] [bsmile]

lulu Cosmic Ordering - I can't remember who suggested it (can anyone help here?) but basically you tell the universe what you want and you'll get it. You can even do it online. HERE

Cosmic ordering rocks!

Have just had a long text from LM and need to rethink a few things. Have had an explanation which really does make sense of things, plus two apologies and a promise of a new start. I am going to think long and hard about him over the weekend and also have a conversation with him about where I stand with him, how this kind of behaviour makes me feel etc and we shall see from there.

Thanks yoga looks like I've got a long list for cosmic ordering

western sounds like a plan, let us know how the phone call goes.

I've put my order in :)

Western that sounds good, hope you figure things out. Was it you who started the whole cosmic ordering thing in the first place??

(I've got another order that I'm still waiting on but deadline for that one isn't til the end of the year so we shall see)

What has he said OWW?

It's a health thing which makes perfect sense of many things that have happened. I'm sure people can guess. I am feeling vaguely encouraged but this does add another dimension to things and I do need to spend some time thinking hard about exactly what I want (well, tbh, I know exactly waht I want but it depends on whether it's feasible with LM or not).

I'm not sure if I started all the cosmic ordering off, probably not, but I do remember talking on here before about some great successes I have had.

Urgently need to put an order in for ex to sign the bloody contract - STILL hasn't done it. Also found out today he hasn't paid his half of the mortgage since September so there are some really big arrears and I am going to have to make a payment today otherwise there will be all sorts of charges and my credit rating will be shot. I could swing for that bugger, honestly.

OWW What a nightmare - hope the cosmic order works and the contract gets signed

Well TheAuditor texted me about our Dinner at his on Tueday so I mentioned to him about the condom issue .. he said that he gets full lifestlyle medical every year but if it doesn't cover STDs then he will use a condom
.. phew! :)

I can't find the dating thread in the list of threads on Relationships - what have I done wrong?

It's there for me .. Have you accidentally hidden it??

kirsty ...if it doesn't cover STDs'? ...I bet he says it does. Refusal to wear a condom is a deal breaker for me , not only because I am louping with herpes, so that would obviously affect anyone daft enough to sleep with me, but I trusted my ex, thought I was in a committed, monogamous relationship & now have to have 'the awkward discussion' if I feel a bit frisky. I would never believe anyone who said they had been tested & then didnt offer to.show me their 'all-clear' documents, especially when they've previously said they don't like condoms.

Oh, sorry you don't like them...ways left of my sexual health is more important than you getting a bareback ride.

OWW - it wasn't in my list of threads on Relationships either, but has suddenly re-appeared. I definitely hadn't hidden it, so I have no idea why.

Have just had to make huge mortgage payment. No money for bloody Christmas now. That sodding, sodding man. If he'd only signed the contracts this week (or paid his share) I wouldn't be in this mess. Why can't he realise that by punishing me financially he's hurting the children too???

I actually hate him at the moment. Will regain calm and equilibrium shortly but not quite yet.

Eeek, I'm meeting dishy doc tonight and don't know what to wear!

I'm getting quite nervous now...

OWW, I hate him too, and I haven't even met him. Why isn't he paying the mortgage - just to spite you? Why will it affect your credit rating rather than his? It seems so unfair - can anything be done about it?

Pixie, I'm rubbish at clothes advice, and in fact was about to post on here hoping for some advice from others! Where are you going tonight? Is this the doc who doesn't want anything serious?

snape I won't just take his word for it don't worry

I also had a bit of recollection that he had mentioned anal sex .. I told him that was fine as long as I got to stick something of a similar size up his jacksie first

OWW I hate him too

It's a joint mortgage,arrangement was that we'd each pay half until the house sold. So both if us would get bad credit rating unfortunately.

And he doesn't care about the children, I know that, he probably hates them only slightly less than he hates me.

OWW, that is so unfair. I suppose the only positive is that you're no longer with this excuse for a man. Is there anything solicitors can do? And how can he hate his own kids ... unbelievable.

On a lighter note, I'm not sure if the date with Mr Coffee is going ahead on Sunday. If it does, part of it is going to involve a walk. It's forecast to be (literally) freezing on Sunday, and I'm the sort of person who feels cold all the time anyway. Is there any way I can dress for the date without resembling a frumpy Michelin man?