Well purse my fanjo, giraffes in wheelchairs and submariners going dowwwnnnn - the dating thread hits 30!

[JulietteMontague]

Off we go...

Oops got carried away a bit there on a flood of hyperbole!

Err......I'm a bloke. However, I'm not a dater as I'm happily married but I always swing by to see how everyone is getting on.

I didn't think I was flouncing. I really don't have the hips for that.

I'd had a long shitty day at work yesterday, and when I commented that I couldn't filter the huge number of mostly crappy profiles on POF by education, in order to find people who have a more similar background to me, I ended up getting abused for being a snob by someone with a chip on their shoulder about not having gone to university.

I've made the occasional joke on here that isn't to everyone's taste, and I apologised for it, I've made some jokes that people liked, and I've asked for and given advice. I haven't started personal attacks on people because I don't agree with their preferences or behaviour, and would appreciate the same respect given to me.

Yes, I stand by my comments that people on POF with only a high school education tend to have more poorly written profiles, anyone can do a check and see that generally that's the case - and as I've said before I find lolspeak a turnoff. I don't filter by education on Match, but POF has so many profiles I was trying to, as I said, reduce the size of the haystack. Trying to dig sideways, as people pointed out, is futile when someone has decided that I deserve personal attacks for expressing a preference.

thanks to all the people who PMd me to say they filter by education too. It turns out quite a lot of people on here do - but I'm the one that gets flamed for asking how to do it and making a flippant comment about the quality of the profiles. Oh and for quoting a tv show which apparently makes me a snob.

watch thank you for expanding on your position. Whilst its not what I'd think or do, I do respect your views and the way you returned to clarify. Thanks again.

To return to dating matters:
Having just had very hot sex enjoyable coffee with Mr Unavailable yesterday, I've just had a text from Mr Normal after 9 days of unexplained radio silence. In the past, I'd have probably found some reason to explain it away but thanks to shared wisdom of this thread, I'm doing the thing and don't believe I'm even going to bother with the sarcastic response.

mercury ... I'm sorry if my brief post came across of as teacher-like to you, but I neither said 'should' or 'must' or 'ought'. I said 'hope' ... and I'd always hope that regular posters would find some way to make peace with each other, even if its only to acknowledge that they have differing viewpoints.

Anyway, as you were and on with the dating chat ...

Oh bugger, grammar fail that's neither & nor ...

joyless this thread has given me the same wisdom you talk about. Keep up the s

libby like the way mR Coffee thinks!

bant I spent about all of 5 mins on pof and I didn't try to filter on anything, but found all the profiles I managed to read were badly written so I gave up. I've not filtered on education but then on lovestruck most people have had some sort of education, so I just assume it now. I didn't even notice (because I hadn't paid attention to that bit) that mr wine hadn't been to uni til he mentioned it.

Personally I still think that Watch berated Bant last night, he explained himself, aplogised and she still kept repeating the same point. I think she was out of order-that is my opinion. Re the Australian guy well fine regarding the back story and it is all very well to explain that now but in the context of this thread that was not evident at the time. I find this thread cliquey at times and that is really unfortunate.

Ike - thanks for the opinion, lets just move on and get back to discussing dating.. I think the reason so many people who join the thread are quite apologetic is because they see it as cliquey and difficult to just jump in.

Hopefully it's still useful to them though, even with the little spats like last night.

So. On a new topic - what does the phrase 'comfortable in their own skin' mean when in someones profile - that they're looking for it in someone.

Does it mean they want someone who is confident and outgoing, or someone who doesn't feel the need to spend several hours in front of the mirror, or several days a week at the gym? It's one of those phrases that's a bit ambiguous.

so now those who didnt go to university have a chip on their shoulder about it?

Yeah just popped in this thread moves on quick so sometimes opinions get out dated..

to me 'comfortable in their own skin' suggests someone who is confident and at ease with themselves, who's not awkward or insecure, someone relaxing to be around:)

Still hasn't signed the sodding contract

Comfortable in your own skin - well, to me it indicates someone who's happy with themselves and with where they are in their life, not necessarily outgoing, not necessarily linked to physical appearance, but indicating a level of acceptance and peace. This doesn't mean that they think they're perfect though, that's something else altogether!

Secret PMd you

Bantam to me, comfortabl in own skin means happy with myself generally, with who I am, with what I see in the mirror.

Yes this thread can seem like a quiche to the uninitiated. I wanted to join in but it seemed very difficult to follow, I thought everyone knew each other, were friends on fb, and everyone was in their 20s.

I couldn't have been more wrong, and everyone had been very welcoming. It has been a place I can share in other peoples experiences, a place for me to sometimes dump my OD crap, it makes the OD experience less daunting, less lonely, and has offered great advice.

Joyless thats bullshit, 'should' or 'must' or 'ought' although not explicit were strongly implied.
If you're going to be finger-wagging at least have the guts to admit it

quiche?? :o

Happy in your own skin to me means that you are happy with yourself .. Don't feel as though you need anything to change or be improved to make yourself happy

It took me a wee while to get into the thread as there were back stories etc but I think it welcomes new people and isn't cliquey at all

I think my months on the sofa 'listening' to stories were invaluable to me before I started OD .. So thanks to everyone

Juliette sure, and I certainly enjoy reading the tips and experiences generously shared...its just my opinion. I become wary of joining in too much especially when stuff like last night occurs because when you think you have bonded with folk ad then get publicly flamed it can be quite a painful experience with ramifications that spread into RL.

Comfortable in your own skin: liking who you are both physically, spiritually and mentally. Be that as a gym bunny or slob styler....

I had a couple of goes joining in this thread very tentatively before I really got going with it. It was a bit daunting and there are still things referred to that I have no idea what's going on but like the others say, it's great to be able to bounce stories and ideas off other people in the same boat and to get a good dose of reality/sanity when I need it.

I hate the falling out and bad feeling though . . . I just want everyone to get on and help each other in the little oasis of support and friendship that is this thread. Get me!!

I've said a few times how much this thread has helped me and how much people's support has meant to me, and it's true. Thanks to all of you.

so now those who didnt go to university have a chip on their shoulder about it?

Bantam was specific as to whom he was referring to. Are you just deliberately shit stirring and trying to ingratiate yourself by generalising his comment ?

Bant. You know what, ill leave you to it.

I called you on being rude, several people have agreed with me... havent felt the need to point that out but since you seen to want to turn it into them v us... .

I dont have a chip on my shoulder snape doesnt, lubey diesnt. And attacking me while trying to play the victim doesnt really work. Its passive agressive, much like your flounce

Ive been on these threads from the beginning . Im friends with these people. But i cant be arsed with pettyness.

Im certaibly not the only one to have ever disagreed with somone on here and i cant quite understand why im being villified.

But whatever .

Ill leave you to it rejoyce in the win.

As I said, joined in at the very beginning with HairyGrotter and Shine but realised that for me personally it was more comfortable experience to enjoy people's opinions and advice from a distance with occasionally joining in. Dont worry I know what's going on with this thread lol! Anyway as you were folks...

And i will be reporting that post as a personal attack when i get home unless someone wants to do it for me in the meantime.

If the thread appears clique irs because we have mostly been here a while and know each other you either jump in and join in or not. Its your issue and how you view things .....