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Sharing naked pictures taken and shared without someone's permission in order to bully them

161 replies

Offred · 24/11/2012 08:55

Haven't name changed because I don't want to undermine ability to advise.

Also, am not interested in advice which tells me I am wrong to be upset about this or this is a small issue I shouldn't be making it into a big one because it is pointless given I have a different opinion which I am not going to change. What I want is a bit of support/advice with thinking this through in the context of me feeling it is wrong.

Dh's best friend visiting last night. Something weird going on between him and I anyway; on Thursday he texted me (not uncommon) asking what I was up to, I replied I was tired and stressed, the house was a mess and I was avoiding it in the bath and contemplating drinking a half drunk old bottle of wine which might be vinegar by now. Cue a whole night of pestering to send him a picture of me in the bath indirectly. This kind of thing is not uncommon, he's quite like this (Pervy) fairly indiscriminately when he has been drinking.

Last night it was a bit like he was trying extra hard to be a sexist prick, telling me repeatedly i wouldn't be interested in things because i was female and asking dh's opinion about stuff because he was a man. At one point he got out his phone and was laughing that he had a picture of a woman half naked on it to show dh. He does this kind of thing fairly often too - trying to give dh porn (will not have it in the house where we have 4 small children). I am seriously anti-porn; they both know this so I was already

He went on to say the photo had been taken without permission by the woman's ex and when they split distributed round the school she used to work in causing her to leave her job and move away, the kids in her new school got hold of the photo and distributed it, crazily so did the teachers and even though he left the school in July, even he got texted it.

I feel and :( for this woman, I told him it was really really inappropriate, his reaction was "so what? She's over 16..."

My dh was joining in with my expression that it was wrong at this point so friend says "so you don't want to see it then?" Dh says "well I didn't say that!" and giggles so then friend holds the phone up and dh looks and friend bangs on about the photo.

At this point I had not had a drink because I had a cold. I have been trying to be kinder to dh recently so have been going to things with his friends (they aren't my friends or people I particularly like but he normally wants me to come when he meets them all), cooking nice food for him, trying not to rant about politics or put things on the TV that he hates etc that day I had been cooking a curry and stuffed parathas and cleaning the whole house from top to bottom/sorting out our bedroom so it would be nice for him (us) when he came home. I also have a stinking cold and by 8.30 when we sat down I was knackered but had lemsip rather than going to bed because friend was coming round. This just felt like a slap in the face from him.

At that point I felt I had a choice between making my feelings known or having a drink so I would be able to continue to be friendly. One of the things that stresses dh out is when I argue moral points like this with his friends so I am trying to bite my lip.

So all night I pretended to be friendly and casual and this morning I am angry at myself for allowing myself to a. Be changed and b. be walked all over like some bastarding doormat when I'm trying really hard to be kind.

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Offred · 24/11/2012 15:57

I should be able to behave how I like towards the friend (within reason) though without him being such a dick. I posted the exact same thing on Facebook as I had said in that text on thurs. What I said or didn't say/did or didn't do is exactly the wrong issue in my mind. That is exactly the kind of thing I think it would be pointless to get into since I don't behave differently towards the friend than anyone else. I found him attractive for a while but have always shut down his perviness whenever it has crossed the line into that.

Nothing would make me feel attracted to him now in any superficial way I ever was before. I find some other people attractive too; so shoot me, doesn't give them the right to speak down to me or try and bait me to send them pervy pics, I think everyone can see that is very inappropriate. So whilst I think I can see what you're saying charbon, that is something I see as a private issue I need to address with myself and not something it's be advisable for me to discuss with dh.

He can read the texts any fb messages I've ever sent if he wants but I don't think it is the issue.

I don't think it is proximity as far as his friendships go because his friends are evenly split between up here and down there. Lots of the ones from here he saw more often when he lived down there than he does now and he does have a nice friend up here who he meets regularly but still doesn't meet the others. Especially one who i argued with once and he actively avoids her now. This guy is his best friend and has been for decades so it is quite specific to him.

Think half the problem is this triangle where they want me to go away so they can be friends but arrange to come in my house with me but then are mean to me.

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