Frizzbonce, that sounds so familiar. My NSDH stops any complaint I raise with him with a curt "Well, as long as I'm always in the wrong, that's what matters."
And the constant little personal comments, putting me down all the time. "You are going to put on some make-up before we get there, aren't you?", laughing at my post-baby tummy and so on. He likes to sleep naked, and will often walk round the house naked for the morning before showering and getting dressed. The dds have taken to copying this behaviour, but one morning he was complaining that they smelled of wee and making personal comments about their weight. In an effort to support them, I pointed out that he didn't always smell great before showering (who does, after all?) and is overweight himself. For the rest of the day, he wandered round with a hurt expression, saying, "Fat and smelly! You said I was fat and smelly!" Did I sink to his level, I wonder? I told him that I didn't mean to upset him, but assumed as he dishes out these comments so easily that they would not bother him...
Shaky - that's so interesting about the compliments given around you but not to you, so to speak. I wonder if NSDH does that. I know he can ostensibly give a big compliment, but wrap up a little criticism inside it. Or a large criticism. Recent example, just before we went out: "Are you wearing that? That's the only thing you've bought recently that I don't like - all the others are really lovely, but that makes you look pregnant."
I find this thread so useful: for 13 years now, I've been forgiving every mean incident and forgetting it - and I've got really good at that, so good that it's really difficult now to bring to mind the things I have cause to complain about, in order to look at the big picture.
Sorry for waffling!