Aibu??

[Gangie]

Oh out of work (in Ireland) for last 3 years except sporadic week here and there abs sometimes a month or two. Recently things have picked up a bit and he has had 9 wks then break of 3 and the last two wks working again. He went to work on mon and pulled a muscle ( he reckons he tore muscled from bone but hadn't had X-ray to confirm) so had been off work last 2 days said he would be goin back today. I got up with lo @ qtr to 7 abs he was still n bed said its still very painful and he would go back tomor. Now it is a very physical job but I said he should go in Snyway and of he couldn't do much or was sent home so be it but that it would be better all round to go in. Had a massive argument about if he said i was making him out to me lazy. I am sahm with 2yr ds and 30wks pregnant wit no 2 so don't know if I'm over tired/emotional but j am outraged, we are loosing out on 150€ everyday he is not working and we have bills to pay. also as its only short term contract I'm afraid they will just get someone else and he will loose out on the job altogether. Any thoughts?

If he's still in a lot of pain since Monday then he should go to see a GP and get himself checked out. If it's a physical job he does, without treatment and appropriate rest he could make the injury worse and end up laid up for weeks rather than days. If he's malingering, he'll either refuse to see a doctor or the doctor will say he's OK. Realise that you have bills to pay... are there any other less physical jobs he could look at? Even if they are not so well paid, if he can put in full weeks that has to be better than the sporadic contracts you describe.

He went to dr on tues he said pulled muscle and to rest it that it should sort itself in a few days. If he was in
The job for a few months I would not be as angry I guess I am just worried he Wont have a job to return to. He can't do anything less physical as he has no qualifications/experience except in construction. I am worried that it will always be like this ad he has other physical problems ie. bad back that he has to take painkillers for daily, also has problems with teeth so it seems if it's not one thing it's another ifyswim? I on the other hand am never sick ant I dont have much patience with sick people!! His mother is a complete hypochondriac so I'm afraid it could be history repeating itself!!

If he's only ever worked as a builder, if no-one's building and if he is not physically up to manual labour a lot of the time you've not got much chance of permanent employment as a family unless you do something radical. Three years wasted already..... Some options.

• He works in construction overseas or you emigrate as a family to somewhere with a better economy
• He retrains in a less physically demanding job where there is more chance of steady employment until the building trade picks up
• He stays home with the DCs and you go to work FT (or you both work PT)

Yes we have thought about all those options re: immigration, he has applied for loads of jobs overseas but nothing has come up as yet. I have told him he should go to college and we would manage (at least would be workin towards the future even though it would be a struggle) but he says he doesn't have interest in/skills in anything except mechanical engineering which he would not get into as his maths is not good enough. I have a degree since just before ds was born but have not managed to get any work from it, I did get a job in my field but only on work experience and have not started yet as need Garda clearance which has not come through yet ( waiting 14wks now) I won't be able to start that job at this stage as an 30wks pregnant And it involves working with disadvantaged teens with behavioural problems. Trying to have a discussion about our situation is very difficult - he feels like I am blaming him, I feel he is blaming the recession which I understand but I do think he could do more/think outside the box/ be more pro active. Tbh I hoped that things were on the up now that us has had a few different contracts lately so we were able to catch up on some bills. He is not a builder but is in a specialised construction related role, it pays very well when there is work and I think that Fas made him less inclined to take on work at or just above min wage.

Basically I am trying to figure out if it will always be like this or I'd I am being too hard on him as the country is in shit at the mo and so many families are in the same situation. Wer together 4.5 yrs and he worked when we first met and always had plenty of money and no shortage of work. I don't want to waste my life with a man who makes excuses but also don't want to leave what is otherwise a lovely relationship when the problem is not really down to him more down to economic situation ??

YANBU
Personally, I think he should have gone in just to 'show his face' so to speak.
I know exactly how you feel - my husband is a builder too, and if this sort of thing happened to him, he would stay at home too, and not really see my point. Very short-sighted to me, but you can't physically carry them in can you :-(
Very frustrating sometimes!

Any relationship can be sweetness and light when things are going well. It's times like this when it's going wrong that your relationship is tested. Means growing up really fast, making short and long-term plans, taking responsibility and approaching the problem maturely. Both of you need to be pro-active, therefore. You may not be able to get a job today but you can be thinking a few months down the track after the baby arrives.

I think we have a very good relationship even under pressure which we have been financially and havin a new baby and a bereavement, but obviously we do have some issues. We cleared the air about it just now but we need to talk further about plans for the future. He will need to retrain his back is not cut out for heavy physical labour I don't think. I have already decided I will be looking for work as soon as baby Is old enough I hope to get something by the summer but it most likely will not be paid work I have no problem going back to work but it's difficult to get anything at the minute. Thanks for the replies sometimes if just helps to get things off ye chest!