I am leaving it two weeks from now and then I think we're breaking up

[BinksToEnlightenment]

No one has to reply to this. I just need to get my thoughts out.

Problems with the relationship:
He's cold
When I asked him last night if he ever misses me at night he said sometimes
We have spent one night together three weeks ago. Before that I don't remember
I'm just not convinced that he even likes me anymore
He doesn't cuddle me
It was our anniversary recently. He didn't even buy me a card
I see him and when I get home, I cry. When I wake up in the morning, I cry.
When I do see him, he asks me to leave. Often. Once it was because he had to paint his skirting boards. The next time I came back, he hadn't painted them.

Good things in the relationship:
I love him so much it hurts
We have a lot of fun together. He makes me laugh so much it hurts
Lying with him and closing my eyes feels like a beautiful dream.
He understands me like no man ever has. Or will?
I get so excited to see him. I feel like a teenager with a crush.
Out of this solar system good sex. Perfect, and again, I feel like he's in tube with me like no man ever has been.

More on the relationship as it develops!

I haven't decided if I will dump him. Yet. I'm definitely more of a mind that I will, but I've asked him to step up and he's said that he will try.

It's two weeks out of my life. It's not a big deal.

the next 2 weeks will only be useful if you dump him

so, might as well do it now

Blinks in five years would want to shake Blinks of November 2012 and say "Ugh, stop it now, it only gets worse from here!"

He is never going to be the man you want him to be.

He is treating you this way because you allow him too.

Why you allow him to, is the question you need to answer.

You already know this is never going to work, but if a two week window helps to get your head round that then fair enough.

and on and on and on.....

You won't dump--he won't change, you will still be thinking about dumping him in 2 years while all the time he is getting shagged as and when he demands!!!! Until something better comes along for him.
He is just not that into you anad to be honest l don't think he would give it a second thought if you dumped him now.
However you "love him" and he knows it.This gives him the power to treat you in whatever way he wants as he know you will soak it up and still come back for more.

Your self respect must be in your boots

No not really, because he's a normal human being who would actually be upset if I broke up with him. Yeah, it would totally be his fault but he's not a psychopath.

If you've known him for 10 years and you're in your late 20s then maybe you did carry a torch for him for a long time so feelings akin to a teenage crush might not be far off the mark. Out of 9 months the past 2 have been increasingly lacklustre to the point he is treating you like a booty call. You have feelings for him but this relationship has run its course and another day, week or fortnight is just masochism. If pain is your thing I don't doubt you'll put up with a lot more of it with this man.

He didn't start off like this. He's ended up like this. Why, I don't know. I'm guessing it's because he's chronically bad at relationships and also because my appeal has worn off now that I'm in the bag. I'm not happy and it has to change. I'm mentally preparing myself for it. There's been a lot of really, really good stuff in the last nine months. It's a shame for it to end. But I do deserve better and if he can't be bothered to give it then he can jog on.

Or who knows, maybe he will actually sort himself out. It's not the most outlandish idea ever. Sometimes people act badly in relationships because they're lazy. Sometimes they'll step up because they don't want to lose the other person and sometimes they get dumped. Giving them a very brief period of time to sort their life out seems pretty ok to me.

What is this calling me a mug and a sap and saying that I'll never leave him so whatevs all about? I agree with a lot of what you're saying and I won't allow myself to continue to be treated this way. I'd just like to be absolutely sure it definitely is irreversibly hopeless before I stamp on it.

If I was that much of a pushover, I'd just do what everyone on the internet demanded me to do. But I will do this my own way, thanks all the same. There's no need for the insults.

Sorry but you are not in a relationship! He didn't remember your anniversary because it sounds like there isn't one!!!

You are his 'booty' call and he is playing you - having his cake and eating it.

I just read everything else posted by yourself!!!

It's very clear that you adore him but he doesn't adore you back!

Time for a little self respect!!

The strangers on this board including me are responding to what you tell us. A lot of posters won't pat you and say there, there. They are being very direct because sometimes that's what's asked for even if the OP doesn't say please jump in, or like you, just want to get your thoughts out.

What do your rl friends say when you cry over him?

Can l ask why you bothered posting OP?
What were you actually wanting us to say?
YOu obviously have made you mind up and are not really interested in opinions and advice oered here

I used to be like you. Thankfully, I finally grew up.

This isn't a healthy, mature, adult relationship. When you have a real one, you'll realise this instantly.

Ughhh. No I'm starting to wonder why I bothered starting this either.

I will leave him if he doesn't turn things around in the miniscule amount of time allotted. How can I make that any clearer?

I do not disagree that he is treating me badly. But I'm not double tapping yet. Not least because I won't be the person who dumps someone as a birthday present.

I will not be bossed around my own life.

You won't be bossed around your own life.

But you'll put up with being treated like shit for 2 months

I give up.

There are women out there staying in horribly abusive relationships for years. I'm continuing to go out with someone who has gone a little lukewarm on me for the length of a cheap package holiday.

Save your rage.

I posted a reply which was eaten when my internet died.

I came back to repost as I felt I could understand and help but having seen your latest posts I don't think I will bother.

You realise that you are saying "at least he doesn't hit me"?

Not sure that's the best place to start.

You are not even clear whether you want to dump him or not. Aren't you because of his birthday or because you think he might change?

and do posh independent holidays have different lengths to cheap package holidays? Are they longer or shorter?

What did you want Binks? Did you want us to pat you on the head and say well done for putting up with it or actually see if from an outsiders perspective and give you honest feedback?

If you didn't want anyone to know/reply there is such thing as a word document, where you can keep tabs on the situation in private.

If you want to be a bit of meat, so be it, I've been there, done that and still carry the emotional scars.

2 weeks isn't going to see a long term change. A few bunches of flowers and a box of chocolates and it'll be rosy... It won't last for long. This type of man NEVER changes.

Oh Binks, I dumped my boyfriend once because it was just before my birthday. We really weren't working out and I didn't think it was fair to either of us to drag it out til after my birthday, both of us putting on a brave face and a fake smile when we weren't happy.

Make yourself happy, you don't deserve to be puting up with the things on your list.

This man hates women.

He hates YOU.

THIS IS AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP.

Get out now.

Hi OP

You obviously have chosen a set time frame to give him a chance to change, which is understandable. And perhaps to give yourself time to mentally get ready to break up? Thats understandable. I think alot of people on here are just worried that you are making excuses for him and yourself as to why you are staying. Timelines arent great as they may lead to better relationships (briefly) but inevitably it always goes to pot again, and leads to a bit of a vicious circle with one partner chasing "being treated better"... Its easy to see from the outside when someone isnt being treated right and its annoying and sad when they stay. Just bear all the advice here in mind, and be ready to walk away in 2 weeks!
You know that you are right when you say now that you're in the bag, he's bored and you also know this does kinda indicate that there are not true feelings on his part, as well as him probably not being great at relationships. Both dont bear well for the future, you MUST know that. You seem like an intelligent woman.
I would hope I would find alot of your partener's treatment of you a deal breaker and leave but only you can. Imagine if it was your sister or best friend who was in this relationship. What would you tell them?

i think people are coming out with 'mug' and 'sap' etc because its pianfully obvious to people on the outside that he sees u as pretty much good for one thing, but when you're in that zone with a guy you really really like its so hard to see that, we've all been there. just imo if its ten years in (of on and off im presuming) and it hasnt worked i dont think it will. for what its worth me and my husband like to celebrate the day we met so i dont really see why thats immature its a personal thing i guess, but i dont get the waiting until after the birthday to make up your mind, think you should just take as long as you want/need and go from there, hope all goes ok