I am leaving it two weeks from now and then I think we're breaking up

[BinksToEnlightenment]

No one has to reply to this. I just need to get my thoughts out.

Problems with the relationship:
He's cold
When I asked him last night if he ever misses me at night he said sometimes
We have spent one night together three weeks ago. Before that I don't remember
I'm just not convinced that he even likes me anymore
He doesn't cuddle me
It was our anniversary recently. He didn't even buy me a card
I see him and when I get home, I cry. When I wake up in the morning, I cry.
When I do see him, he asks me to leave. Often. Once it was because he had to paint his skirting boards. The next time I came back, he hadn't painted them.

Good things in the relationship:
I love him so much it hurts
We have a lot of fun together. He makes me laugh so much it hurts
Lying with him and closing my eyes feels like a beautiful dream.
He understands me like no man ever has. Or will?
I get so excited to see him. I feel like a teenager with a crush.
Out of this solar system good sex. Perfect, and again, I feel like he's in tube with me like no man ever has been.

More on the relationship as it develops!

Christ almighty, what a mug you are

You will still be "with him" (except you actually aren't) at the end of this "2 weeks" won't you ?

Yes, popping round to suck him off then feeling like shit in the morning. You are being treated like a whore, except you don't even get anything for your efforts.

What a life !

My advice? Give yourself the best birthday present ever and kick the using twat into touch right now and make it permanent this time

He really isn't that into you. He's got more going on, more important things to tink about than you.

You are worth more.

Yep, skirting boards are definitely higher up the list of priorities than his "girlfriend"

OP, you don't even have the status of "girlfriend"

How old are you ?

AF, you sound as cross as i am.

OP. I am actually cross on your behalf here. Please listen to us.

I am cross with OP actually.Such wilful stupidity where a man is concerned is really very difficult to defend (and I am usually a very staunch defender of women)

OP listen to the advice on here. Blimey, two weeks is in fact a long time to waste on a man who isn't interested in having a relationship with you. Well, not the kind that you want.

He's not into you and/or he is a manchild who is not ready for a "real" relationship. You do sound like you are stuck in a fantasy world a little bit. Mind you, on one level I can see why you are relying on fantasy-it doesn't sound like you are getting anything at all from him. Get rid, move on.

On one occasion he asked you to leave because he 'had to paint his skirting boards'.

Don't you get it, honey? He'd rather watch paint dry than spend time with you.

More on the relationship as it develops? What relationship would that be? The one you've dreamed up in your head or the non-relationship you've got with a guy who uses you when it suit him to do so?

I don't feel comfortable dumping someone right before their birthday. It just isn't cool. I can wait.

I'm in my late twenties, he's in his early thirties. Yes, far too old to be acting like this.

No, I've never started a thread about him before. It's been a really lovely relationship in many respects prior to this. It's only in the last two months or so that his attention has started waning.

Though he really does believe everything is just hunky dory.

I've asked him to change. Now we'll see what happens. If it's nothing, I'm no worse off than I am now. Except I'll be more ready to wash my hands of it because I know I spent that time tapping my watch and waiting.

You do realise that the occasional "missing you at night" actually refers to waking up feeling horny and thinking it would be handy to have a woman here at this precise moment? It's not about missing you, as a person.

Honey, by the sounds of it, dumping him before his birthday might be the best gift you can give him. You dont seem to get that he does not place as much emphasis on you, birthdays and "anniversaries" (come on, who, aside from teens, celebrate the date they met? ) than you do.

The skirting boards thing is a lens through which you should view this 'relationship'.

He found the most inane excuse possible to get you to leave (presumably once you'd had sex). It was a non excuse since even if he was painting his skirting boards, why couldn't you hang out and make it a less boring job? He wasn't painting them though, he just wanted rid of you and then didn't even have the courtesy to care that it was a completely transparent excuse because next time you were there you could see the skirting boards weren't painted.

I don't think he'd worry about your birthday if he was thinking about ending it. He doesn't care much about how you feel, to judge by his behaviour. Great sex isn't worth your self esteem or sense of worth and he isn't worth two more weeks of your time.

It seems that you expect different things from the relationship.

You want someone who is always there for you and wants to be with you virtually all the time. Or at least every day, it seems.
It feels that you'd like further commitment.

He seems to need his "space" and only need to for some time.

I'm not sure at what level he "understands" you.

You can't force him to make you happy, or to want you around all the time.

You can only recognise that you don't want the same things.

So, you either accept what he does give into the relationship, or you look for it somewhere else.

He's not that into you. Gather your self respect and end it.

Stop being silly and get rid of this man child.

When you are crying a lot and when you are being asked to leave on a regular basis then... you do not have a relationship.

So in a nutshell:

"My boyfriend treats me like shit. I'd break up with him but I don't want to ruin his birthday."

Does that make any sense? No. I understand you want to give it one last chance but people are arguing with you because it shows you don't understand how completely illogical your view of this relationship is.

Btw I have been dumped just before my birthday. Oh also once on Valentine's Day! Yet I still live and breathe. Honestly just put this thing out of its misery.

Told my sister about this. She said buy him a tin of paint and set of brushes for his bleedin' birthday.

I'm not dumping someone right before their birthday. It doesn't matter how badly they behave. I will still treat someone the way I would want to be treated.

If you only want to be told what you want to hear, what was the point of you posting on this board today?

He's not a boyfriend. He's someone you see and shag every now and again. That's how he sees you, too. You dump him now, I highly doubt he'll even think of you on his birthday, he doesn't now, he'll probably hook up with someone else or may be doing so already. But hey, it's your time to waste.

To get my thoughts in order.

I didn't say I wouldn't break up with him. I said I wouldn't do it now.

Sooo - if he has feelings for you at all he'll look back and think, On my birthday she was just pretending and knew all along she was going to dump me...

If he doesn't have feelings for you, he'll look back and think, Oh well, no loss, but at least I got a shag on my birthday.

Are either of these prospects really appealing??

It's an excuse.

And can you honestly say that you'd rather spend your birthday in a relationship with someone who was about to leave you?

Because that's how it is. If you actually intend to leave, it's kinder to get it out of the way than to drag it out and have a fake birthday. You aren't going to buy him anything anyway so it won't be "normal", and you won't be able to celebrate in a couple-y way because he treats you like a stray dog who has followed him home.

You aren't dumping him - you are ending a relationship that he lost interest in two months ago. He's just too spineless to tell you, he'd rather keep you around to have sex with when it suits him, and then get rid of you using any excuses necessary.

But you won't see this. I didn't either. You'll make excuses and give deadlines and try to make out that somehow he's changing, somehow he's trying - because you are just avoiding taking action. He won't be sad if you leave. I bet my life on it. He'll be inconvenienced, because he'll have to find another way to get sexual thrills, but he won't be heartbroken and he probably won't give it a second thought.

You said it yourself, you were the one who got away. He came back, spent 7 months making sure you were absolutely his, and now he doesn't care. He's won, and that was all it ever was. There is no emotion there. I'd bet my life on it.

It seems you've failed in your objective as your thoughts don't appear to be particularly well-ordered.

Perhaps another thread along the lines of 'what shall I buy a guy who doesn't give a shit about me for his birthday' is called for?

Taking a cue from Annie's sister, may I suggest a child's paintbox from a £1 shop and similarly priced card inscribed 'As your days of taking the piss out of me are over, artist, there'll be no more happy returns'.

"It doesn't matter how badly they behave. I will still treat someone the way I would want to be treated."

I'm sorry but that's pretty much the root of your problem. You are treating someone nicely who is not being very nice to you at all.

Binks, you must be a magnet for every twat currently walking the streets of our fine land with this mind set you have.

If you really do dump this useless arse (which I doubt), do make sure you don't simply take up with a pillock of a different flavour, won't you ?