I need to walk away from this dont I?

[smokinaces]

On paper in the Spring the guy was great. Spent loads of time with me, loads of little romantic gestures, loads of messages. Wonderful time together, all loved up. He had a good job, his own home, a little boy he saw a lot and paid over and above what he should.

All was great.

Then he came back off holiday and it all went a bit pearshaped. Work went a bit wrong. He obsessed over his son/ex and new boyfriend. He dumped me at short notice for fishing and then football. He ignored huge things in my life and though says he didnt I am still convinced he ignored my calls and texts.

I ended it. He got better. We tried again.

Things got marginally better. Its slowed down a lot but I was ok with it.

I saw him briefly Sunday. Was meant to be dinner, ended up being coffee for a couple of hours. Hadnt seen him for 2 weeks. Got a cursory kiss on the cheek at beginning and end.

No chance of seeing him until next weekend (kids etc). So far hasnt replied to my text asking what we are doing then.

Tbh the sex was great. But last few times it has been all about him and no effort to make it great for me. When hes done hes done. Which is completely not how it was in the beginning.

He sent a few texts Monday night when back from work late. Havent heard anything since. I have text a few times. Nothing - now I know my texts sometimes dont go through (have this issue with other friends too) but he must have got one. He has been on FB briefly Tuesday and last night too - it comes up on my news feed. But not once has he text or attempted to ring me.

I deserve more than this dont I? Give me the guts to end this. I was on my own for 3 years and on paper and in the beginning this guy was everything I could have wanted. But now I find myself browsing POF again and being desperate to have plans and dates on my weekend without the kids (when he has his son this weekend - we havent met each others kids)

He says he's too tired etc, but tbh I cant put up with any more of this. When its good its great, but I cant be on hold for weeks can I? I know his son comes first will never dispute that, but I cant come behind the ex wife and the football too, especially with a new job keeping him busy.

And he said him and his wife broke up because she had an emotional affair. Because he was paying too much attention to other things and not her. I can completely understand why she did it. Hes so obsessive - at the beginning of the summer it was about me, which was fab. But now its not and I feel shitty.

Tell me I wont be an old lady with kids and a cat. And that ending what was a good sex, loads of money etc relationship is the right thing?

Good move. Be careful with the dumping message/call . What I mean is only do it if you really mean it. Be honest with yourself and if you are doing it to win him over then ignoring is a better tactic.

You sound so disappointed more than anything, he fussed over you and made you feel special to begin with and has most likely now got bored and has dropped you like a hot stone which is down right cruel, staying with someone who blows hot and cold is exhausting and you will never feel fully secure IMO, give yourself time to lick your wounds and move on but definitely move on op.

All easily replaceable including the man.

Terry, my four year old son does a great Beyonce song and dance to that!!

OneMore, if he wanted sex I'd think the same - but coffee at his house for 90 minutes sunday after not seeing each other for a fortnight and not a move to be made.

Oh Raggydoll, I mean it. I dont want to win him over. I've had enough now. I want someone and deserve someone more.

and susie, I am. Disappointed as its the first relationship in 3 years since my husband left - and I was with him for nearly a decade. The blowing hot and cold is horrible, and the reason I am now walking away.

Still havent managed to get my arse off the PC though!! But it is half term

Sending you a hug.

smokin if your DS loves Betyonce, video is for you. Enjoy.

He is your rebound relationship. Now you can get your prize (like I did with my current DH).

*Beyonce, obviously.

Terry! My DS2 got it from the Chipmunks film. The hand on the hip and shaking hand and everything. So very cute.

and thank you Susie.

Right, now I am off. I have ignored the message. I have a cup of tea by the bed and my book in it. My kids are sleeping and snoring peacefully. I am going to snuggle in my lovely king sized bed all on my own surrounded by the 10 pillows I currently have on there.

and yes Terry. Now I can get my prize

It sounds like he wants the idea of a girlfriend, by which he means being able to mention to other people that he has one (in case they think he's too repulsive or useless for anyone to bother with him and/or he's fuckwitted enough to have read one of those 'pick-up' books which suggest that people who are already seeing someone are more attractive than single ones) - or what he wants is the opportunity to have sex on you from time to time without having to make the effort to appear pleasing to a new woman, while not being interested in what you might want or need.

OP, I don't like this man! I wouldn't reply to any texts now. If he calls, say you're busy - think up something that's as boring as fishing. "Sorry, I'm watching the clothes in the tumble dryer" should do it. You are worth so much more than this.

I don't think things are desperate enough for POF, though! That's really the end of the road.

Well I.ignored. whilst putting a status on fb.

This morning at 736 he text again (I was asleep till that point) it was a massive text. It said..... Boo.

Halloween was two days ago. Ffs.

I've ignored again. I'm getting up and going about my day with my head up. I've thought of witty responses, of long emails telling him exactly what's gone wrong, but seriously theres no point.

Thanks for the.courage!!

Boo?

He so knows he is in the dog house but isn't man enough to call.

Idiot.

It sounds like he has pretty much ended it already. And has perhaps met someone else.
I would just ignore him ( mature)

Well done.
But don't do it to play a game, do it because it is tedious and you are worth more.

So glad you are moving on. In fact this could be the man I binned a month ago. He also liked the idea of a girlfriend but really couldn't be arsed to be a boyfriend. I do the face now when I see him complaining about being single. Silly sod.

I would recommend a quick text though. "I've been thinking, this relationship is not working for me. I'm calling a it a day. Sorry."

Then refuse to engage. Just delete him from everywhere if you think he may wheedle his way back in.

It will give you back all the power and control and you won't have to even think about what to do if he texts you.

(I got a 'ok :'(' text in response to that one btw, and didn't hear from him again )

OP, STAY STRONG! This is really hard, because once he realises that you're not playing ball and responding and seeing him when he feels like it, then he'll probably act a little keener again and try to reel you in again. Only you can decide if you want to go back, but my advice would be (a) not to, which I know is hard; or (b) if he does that, have an honest conversation with him, along the lines of "Hey, I don't like just being your casual thing. I actually want to be in a relationship, where I feel like one of the central things in your life. I don't really get the feeling that you do, which is totally fine. But unless you want the same, I don't think we should see each other."

Good luck, I really feel for you. x

'I would recommend a quick text though. "I've been thinking, this relationship is not working for me. I'm calling a it a day. Sorry."

Then refuse to engage. Just delete him from everywhere if you think he may wheedle his way back in.

It will give you back all the power and control and you won't have to even think about what to do if he texts you. '

Yes this

Thank you Silence I'm all dated out having tried for a year. All rubbish idiots. I seem to attract them. I shall not date anyone again until next November minimum, and all my advice will be 'leave the bastard' [gavel]

I'm not sure why you would put up with this and keep texting and phoning him. But why be so hard on him? Not all relationships turn into long term ones or marriage. It isn't compulsory to stay with someone because you date them for six months. He hasn't done anything wrong. Maybe he just doesn't like you as much as you like him. Maybe he's looking for something else in his ideal partner.

I have to be honest and say I was a little bit uncomfortable at how often you mention how much he earns. Perhaps he is too.

What an arse! STOP texting/phoning him. Dont reply to his stupid Boo text.

You deserve more. A little bit of time is not a lot to ask.

Well done OP, it is hard but you do deserve better.

I also have a mantra I live by for those moments where I feel a bit weak and want to text an ex etc: Every time I think about you I remind myself if you wanted to talk to me you would.

Stops me every time.

Geegee I mentioned it twice and then again in reply to someone else. I never mention money to him. He has offered to pay for stuff like car repairs in the past and I've refused. My car, my money. I am not a money seeker I assure you.

Thing I don't get tbh is why he keeps pushing to keep things going when twice I have ended it. I've given him get out chances.

I admit I cracked earlier. I text back "Halloween was two days ago" and nothing else. Like someone else said, he obviously realises. And he's made his choice. If he were that bothered he'd ring or have text at some point in three days. I want someone who is that into me. Not apologies and assurances that he is, he's just busy.

I think it is very common for some people to blow hot n cold and then when they sensed they've pushed the other person a bit too far they creep back around them a bit and then the person responds and the other one withdraws a bit and so it goes on, I don't know why people do this but it seems to happen a lot, I feel what you're getting from this set up is as much as you're ever going to get op,
but I can understand the reluctance to let go, when you've been on you're own for a while and someone shows you an interest it makes a person feel loved, wanted, a bit special, it flatters their ego, it's only natural to prefer that to the feeling of loneliness, that is why I think we know we should dump them but find it hard. This is just my take on it!

Spot on Susie. The first few months were so fab and perfect and I just can't help but wish he'd realise what he's throwing away and things would go back.

But the other part of me knows I won't ever be able to forget being dumped off by text at last minute for a tv football match. And that anyone who does that is not worth bending over backwards for.

I am honestly ok with being single. Just disappointed - like someone gave me steak and promised i could have it every night. And then changed it to faggots

He sounds like a courter/chaser. It's all about the excitement of initial courtship, winning someone over and getting to know them, but not so much about an ongoing relationship or intimacy. Which would explain what you said about his marriage.

So, you've got the best you're going to get out of him, now you're free to leave the dry empty husk that remains and get someone juicier (if you'll forgive an overworked metaphor!)