Feel like ditching a couple of friends :(

[Bluebell99]

Just been through a really stressful couple of months, involving a close relative becoming ill, then terminal then dying within four weeks, on top of this my dh has been facing a reorg at work and possible redundancy. He is very stressed. Two of friends who I considered good friends have been zero support at all, and these are two people who I have bent over backwards to help in the past. I do have other friends, but it really hurts when you see people in their true colours.

Some people are bloody useless at giving support. Have you spelled out to them what a crap time you're having and that you need support? Do they have anything going on in their own lives that they're having to concentrate on?

If you have, and they don't and and they've not been there for you, then yes look at cooling the friendship. If you've been good friends for a while though, then why not talk to them about it instead?

Sorry you've had such a horrible time Bluebell :(

I know exactly what you mean. Some people can be completely rubbish, just when you need them the most. It's very hurtful.

Have you actually asked for help and support? Are you seen as the strong one? Are you giving off vibes which imply you are coping? Are they people who are pretty much useless with words but are better with deeds?

Can sympathise. I noticed some what I thought were friends really back off when my DDad was ill & passed away a few years ago, and others who I hadn't been so close to really came to the fore as caring individuals, made me re-think a bit what I look for in a friend.

1st bunch I realised were a bit shallow & self-obsessed, not really interested in others, just being friends with the 'right' people (in their eyes).

Forgot to say, would advise not to ditch (you've been through a tough time, so not really in place to make major decisions, IYKWIM) but to just re-assess, back off a little & really think before bending over backwards/dropping everything for these people in future.

i am a supportive person but some people give off the vibe they do not want/need your support. every time you ask them about the situation they say they are fine or change the subject they dont let you in so how can you help them? are you one of these people op. if is great to be supportive but you can only expect the same in return if you can receive it. or are they generally not interested helpful or have even tried. in which case get rid. not worth your time.

Bluebell It's horrible when you realise the 'friends' that you've supported and been there for don't step up when you need them.

I've been through an identical situation and I feel let down by two friends who I've always been there for. Until now I've been a very low maintenance friend who always made the effort to keep in touch, answered the phone to even when busy etc.

I tried to give both the benefit of the doubt but now I'm through the worst of things I gave them the target (in my head) of my birthday.

The best I got was a facebook wall post.

One of them had asked if I would like to go see Phantom of the Opera in Edinburgh on the 20th October. On the back of this I told my DH not to get us tickets, the 20th came and went, I wasn't going to chase this up of course, as that was her call. Gutted doesn't cover it.

I've been a sap and not confronted her, but this is all the info I need to now file her away in the 'forget' pile. I'm just trying to think of all the petrol money I'll save in not driving to see her every week on my day off :(

I'm really sorry you've had to go through that without the support of your friends.

Thanks everybody. Sparky, interestingly it has been a relatively new friend who has been the most support, only know her a couple of years . And another old friend has been alot of support. One friend sent me one email, bumped into her and told her my relative had died, heard nothing since, not even a text. :(
To be honest , I'm coming to the conclusion that both of these friends are a bit shallow and self centred :(
Thanks for your responses. I am just going to back away quietly and not be so gullible in future.