The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Blowing Away The Cobwebs, Brushing Up The Leaves, Whilst Travelling On The Battle Bus, To Our Own Sobrieties.

[Mouseface]

Hello I'm Mouse

Welcome to the Brave Babes Battle Bus, aka Gerald. It's a lovely place for drinkers, non-drinkers, wobblers and thinkers...... we're a really mixed bunch who all have one thing in common, alcohol.

Whether that be past or present, it can always be our future due to the nature of the beast.

Everyone can join this thread, the support is unconditional. And it is here for anyone who wants it, now or in a little while, there's always a spare seat or three!

Why not take a look at the journeys so far at the link below, it'll take you back through the last two (plus) years, and also I've posted a link to the very first thread....... the reason that we are all on the Bus in the first place

PREVIOUS THREAD

FIRST EVER THREAD

Golden As you may have read, my DD is very testing - the old 'black is white' sort of thing. She constantly answers back, even though I'm strict and she never gets away with it, she never gives up trying. It's a hard, relentless and for the most part, un-rewarding slog - not what I had envisaged at all! On any one day her hair can be 'disgusting', her clothes 'geeky', her homework 'rubbish' and she'll say 'Kill me now, my life is so horrible' (that last one makes me seethe!!).

One of my problems is opposite to yours - my DD often won't eat. She's very slim (even skinny. She's 11.5 and fits easily into an age 8 skirt!) but insists she's fat! I've tried the usual 'talk' and explained it all but to no avail. How do you make someone eat breakfast - or anything? Her usual 'get-out' moan is that she feels sick (Hmmmm! [sceptical]).

Can you note down your DD's worst mood periods and see if there is a pattern. My DD has definitely fallen in with my 'cycle' and, although no other signs of puberty, seems to suffer from PMT already. I try to be a bit more understanding then. Puberty is starting earlier and earlier in girls these days.

Joey It's a problem, isn't it? I've had it suggested that, in times of stress, I have a shower, buy myself a glossy mag, have a bubble bath, got for a short walk, leave the room etc. I've found none of these work and are often totally impractical. As wrong as having a glass of wine is/was it did actually (in the short term) work. Stark (sober) reality is crap sometimes. I've been a bit more grumpy over the past 20 days and I don't like that one bit. Alcohol Service woman says it's early days and that will level out. I truly hope so.

Green Hope you managed to fight off the Wine Witch last night and that your cold is better?

More stress now - car MOT this morning. Wish me luck, I'm on a tight budget and can't afford anything at all big to be wrong.

Yes Soma definitely have the 'coat' problem too!! Good luck fighting off the cravings for today. x

Thanks purple yes - locked the wine witch in the cupboard under the stairs. Soba caffeine is definitely a trigger for anxiety, I gave it up completely when I was at my worse - chamomile tea before bed is helpful, also found it good for period pains! xx

Morning, tis me, Mouse

Well day 1 of term yesterday was okay, it was a welcome break for both Nemo and I, we had four different walls to surround us. Still no statement news so I have to chase that if I don't hear this week.

Even when/if we do get awarded full 1 - 1 support, we then have the separation issues to deal with and also the issue of ensuring his 1 - 1 who is currently a member of staff, supports him and him alone, as I do now.

I've been getting up in the night with Nemo and as a result, getting stuck in bed with him which is worse than with DH as Nemo can't help so I have to wait until Dh comes in or upstairs from letting Seth out and seeing DD off to school

We have no respite for this week again. It's time for that conversation.

Purple - Her usual 'get-out' moan is that she feels sick (Hmmmm! [sceptical]) and On any one day her hair can be 'disgusting', her clothes 'geeky', her homework 'rubbish' and she'll say 'Kill me now, my life is so horrible'

I have had this with DD from around 10yrs old. I was on my own with her until we met DH when she was six. It was just the two of us (apart from a 2.5 period where I was in a very abusive relationship, most of which she spent with my parents or her father) but it was always 'us'.

She refuses to eat breakfast, wear a coat in -10 degree conditions, etc........ all of what everyone else has said and more no doubt, or at least different!

We had and still have an incredibly strong relationship and are so similar it's scary. She is the mirror image of me, inside and out at that age and when I dare to mention her 'behaviour' to my DM, she just rolls her eyes and says that it's Karma for all of the shit I gave her.

No tips on how best to handle her, what did she try with etc? So, I sit and talk to DD. I just tell her about what I went through with my DM, how my DM made me feel.

For the most part, it works, and the rest of the time, I have learnt to hold my tongue and remember that actually, this won't last forever, same as with a tantruming toddler. Easy to say of course when it's you that's being told 'I hate you' and that 'life here is horrid'.

DD has a roof over her head, nice clothes, a mobile that's paid for by us, a few friends (issues there are slowly resolving after hours of tears and talking with her ), a loving family, most of the things that she wants, (within reason) and food on the table, again most of which is what she chooses to eat.

It's so hard not to blow up. I could swing for her at times but after taking myself back to where I used to be, I've learnt to take the cutting remarks with a tonne of salt and realise that in a day or two, the real 'reason' for the behaviour will come out.

We both find that if we give each other some space, we settle again. Her menstrual cycle is 28-30 days, mine is 57-68 so we're not in sync as such but I know when she's due to get her period!!

Purple did you get your old banger (sorry if it isn't) through its MOT? I'm on a tight budget too with an ancient though much-loved car (2002 Golf, I call it my old War Horse) and I dread it when the time rolls round for its MOT. Have opened a savings account so I can start putting money aside for a new car (won't buy brand new though) but want to put it off for as long as possible. Both me and DD love the Fiat 500 and since there's normally only two of us + dog, we don't need anything big. Has anyone got one?

What is it with our girls eh? But thanks as ever Mouse for sharing your wisdom and experience. DD has just come in from school, barely said hello and gone up to her room (which is tucked away in the loft) claiming she has loads of homework. Thinking I should go and check to make sure she's not on that damned phone but can't bear the thought of having to discipline her if she is. Thanks for advice about coffee Green, I only had one cup today because it made me feel so jittery yesterday. Managed to talk myself through some cravings at about 2pm - along the lines of "I know this will pass so don't give into them", they didn't get any worse and now I'm past it and know I'm OK. I need to become confident that when I'm off Antabuse I'll be able to resist the cravings and won't be dropping into Sainsburys on the way home from work to pick up a couple of bottles like I used to :(

Kot, all you can do is keep trying but make sure you're kind to yourself too. Quite a few of us have mentioned feeling depressed/down/anxious at the moment so maybe there's something in the air. I felt pretty bad at work earlier - quite down rather than my usual anxiety - but like the cravings it's passed and I'm looking forward to a cosy evening. How much are you drinking on the nights you do?

Thanks for sharing mouse, I do (usually) try to put some space between us, not 'sweat the small stuff' and try to re-connect with her when she's not behaving like a rattle snake with toothache! She and I are both very similar in nature/temperament too!! I know it will pass but sometimes, coping with it on my own is too hard . One of the worse things I find is to keep forgiving her (when she says sorry) over and over again - sometimes it's so hard not to bear a grudge after all the crap she throws my way. Moan over. She's actually being really nice tonight - even offered to cook the pizza for dinner!

Yes soma it passed!!!! Hoorah! The guy knew how worried I was (this close to bloody Christmas) and was on the phone when I went into the office to find out but still mouthed "It passed!" to me! Bless! It's a 05 Laguna and I do love it but if something big went wrong, I have no idea how I'd cope. For last year's MOT it needed 3 new tyres. I told the children that part of their Christmas present was a new tyre each for the car!! The savings thing is a good idea - for 'car emergencies', funnily enough, I was thinking just that today.

The bad side of the car passing the MOT was the flash craving for a bottle of wine to celebrate. Just got boring Coke instead, though.

Koti Just try to keep trying and be nice to yourself, you're going through a rough time - and keep coming on here and posting, there's always someone with some good advice.

Green DON'T GO IN THE CUPBOARD UNDER THE STAIRS TONIGHT! x

Hope all the Babes are warm and OK. x

Kotinka - do you think it will escalate from two nights a week? Is that a concern? Purple I'm hiding in my bedroom again - I literally cannot go downstairs or I will open the fridge - Mouse you are a tower of strength and bring sunshine and humility to my day xx

soma you're right, there must be something in the air! dd has been better today, although i did have to grit my teeth when she told me the latest developments in her Best Friends Forever (since yesterday!) drama. it wouldnt matter except she gets so upset when they fall out.

purple thinking about reality being just shit... I read this today: life is not about finding the right answers, but living the experiences or something. I tried to find the actual quote, but can't remember who wrote it. Somebody unpronouncable. It had a double 'e' in the name, thats all i can remember. Heefstadtdr, Leebhoben, something like that... sorry, this is not very helpful is it?! It made sense at the time...

Just checking in babes. Had two glasses and don't feel like any more so will go to bed soon. Re teenage girls - dd1 and I don't have the best relationship,even now that she has outgrown the teen years. Sometimes the best you can hope for is that you can keep the lines of communication open, even if it is only monosyllabic c grunting. You are the adult and sometimes you have to hold the higher
ground.

demented
That's so true about keeping the lines of communication open. Once they're teens I found that prioritising being there for them was the most important part of being their mum.

It is not easy. There are times when I have really had to bite my tongue to stop myself telling dd that she could pack a bag, and her attitude and fuck the fuck out of my house.
She's a pain in the arse but she still needs to know I will be here for her.

it's not easy, but it does get easier the more you do it. I just wish I'd learnt to see what matters and what's important years ago...

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the the things I can, and the wisdom to tell the difference.

Purple thanks for that. The thought that DD might be hitting puberty is a bit shocking to me as I didn't start my periods until I was 13. DD's always been very big for her age though and she's past my shoulders already with size 5 feet - size 6 in wellies!! Her dad is 6' 3" and I'm almost 5' 8" (would be another inch and a half at least probably if my spine weren't so crooked) so she was never going to be a small lass. I will try keeping note of her (and my!) moods.

BlissfulSoma Big hug for you lovely woman x. Yes I'll be trying to cut down again. I'm cross with myself for my lack of self-control and want to get back that elusive moderation.

mia/golden did anything happen to trigger it? is there anything you could do differently to divert the triggers?

Joey some family issues where I had to be back and forth to a family member's house a lot and giving lots of support. I could do it and dealt with the crisis, but was kind of keeping myself bouyant by drinking (and eating) a bit too much every night. I feel like I crashed a bit emotionally and physically and just want that pleasant numbness every night, particularly with DD coming back and being a bit trying as well.

It's slways been that witching hour for me between 5 and 7 pm when all the good intentions and resolve I've had all day just dissolve. If I can get through those two hours then I'm fine but the devil on my shoulder is hard to resist. i'm full of admiration for you btw - you've been so strong in resisting temptation even when you've been feeling rubbish.

Bit nervous this morning - off to the Doc's to talk about the (unusual) findings of the ECG on Tuesday. Ho hum, has to be done.

Those of you with 'challenging' DD's will be proud of me (hopefully). She decided to wear a pair of black skinny jeans to school today and not the regulation trousers. I gave it a bit of thought..they didn't look tarty, dirty or in bad repair...so, I let her wear them - with the proviso that she may well get picked up at school for a 'non-uniform' item, but I thought I'd let the school tell her, she wasn't going to listen to me, and we could avoid another argument! Result!

Golden My friends daughter is 9 (and a bit on the larger side) and has already started her periods! Yikes!

Ma I have to be so careful what I say as her Dad lives less than 4 miles away and is soft as shit butter. She'd only have to call him and he'd come and get her - in the interest of peace, you understand!

Green If/when you are feeling strong, could you consider chucking the wine down the sink? Or, if you are anything like me, leave the wine somewhere where it will get warm (white only!), I couldn't stand warm wine! Good luck.

Koti Hope you are feeling better today?

Joey Thanks for the half quote!

Today is my 3 week anniversary. In the dark, alcoholic days, I never thought I would get here. Feeling calm.

Right, of to the surgery. Hugs to everyone that needs one! (( ))

Purple good news about the car. Like a rattle snake with toothache - priceless :) Golden my DD's dad is 6'3" as well so she could easily end up at almost 6' wearing shoes the size of boats. Joey what is it with girls? One moment they're all loved up and then they fall out and it's always a drama. But nothing's changed, it was the same in my day.

I'm prepared for my cravings today and am going to write some phrases down on a card to repeat to myself to help get past them. Golden if you know 5-7pm is going to be the hardest time, can you plan to do something that will help take your mind off it? But it's so hard, when it strikes and you really want a drink, it just seems inconceivable not to go for it...

Kot as Greeneyed says, do you think it will escalate from two nights? I rarely drank every night but used to start off with a bottle twice a week, then it become a bottle every other night and then eventually almost two every other night. I couldn't drink every day because I was too hungover. And that's one of the best things about not drinking - I can't believe that I spent practically half my life willing for the day to end so I could climb into bed and finally sleep it off. And all for a couple of hours of feeling warm and fuzzy.

Fed up. Thinking up quitting mirtazapine.

Not drinking.

What's up Green? Anything we can help with? If you want a rant moan you can Inbox me if you like. Hope you are feeling a bit better than 2 hours ago. Hang on in there, it's nearly the weekend. x

Sorry, meant Joey (durrrr!)- It's been a lonnnnng week and it's still only Thursday.

What is the mirtazapine for Joey, if you don't mind me asking. Is it safe to just quit?

purple thanks, at first the gp said i had cfs, but another time he mentioned depression. although i wasn't depressed then, but do feel like it now...

i have a doctors appt, no idea what to say to him

Can you write it down Joey, I'm rubbish I seem to leave having not said anything I meant to - I have handed them a piece of paper before for them to read, listing all symptoms, time frames etc generally anything I want to say but will instantly forget or become incapable of doing so when I get in there. I don't know the meds you are on - could this be a side effect?