The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Blowing Away The Cobwebs, Brushing Up The Leaves, Whilst Travelling On The Battle Bus, To Our Own Sobrieties.

[Mouseface]

Hello I'm Mouse

Welcome to the Brave Babes Battle Bus, aka Gerald. It's a lovely place for drinkers, non-drinkers, wobblers and thinkers...... we're a really mixed bunch who all have one thing in common, alcohol.

Whether that be past or present, it can always be our future due to the nature of the beast.

Everyone can join this thread, the support is unconditional. And it is here for anyone who wants it, now or in a little while, there's always a spare seat or three!

Why not take a look at the journeys so far at the link below, it'll take you back through the last two (plus) years, and also I've posted a link to the very first thread....... the reason that we are all on the Bus in the first place


PREVIOUS THREAD

FIRST EVER THREAD

[dementedma]

Oh Thurso, what a bummer. Well done u on not hitting the bottle.you will get it on the resit. External examined is a fuckwit!

[greeneyed]

Morning babes, sorry haven't read back properly, well I drove did have two halves (felt need to take edge off it was a boring night but would have been regardless of drinking or not, glad I drove home, no regrets :)

[PurpleWolfe]

Thurso So sorry to hear your news . That's just crappy. Just one thought - this happened to me (many moons ago) on a software course. We ALL failed the spreadsheet module but had all passed in the other two subjects. We lodged a complaint against the tutor and it turned out he was doing it all wrong! We were given new guidelines and a bit more time to study - and 70% of us passed second time (inc. me!) As kotinka said, I don't think this is your failure at all, but your tutor's or external examiner's. If you all failed, that's too much of a coincidence. It wouldn't hurt to look into it further, you've got nothing to lose. Good luck.

On day 17 and feeling really good (but, as always, not smug or complacent!). I was at a fireworks 'do' at the local pub last night for over 2 hours and had a diet coke and a slim line tonic. I was really surprised that it didn't bother me at all not to have the usual, copious amounts of wine. I'm starting to think it's the thought of not being able to drink that's worse rather than the reality. I'm actually enjoying not drinking (ATM!)> Ex MIL was there too and I was always paranoid that she was watching and judging me. Didn't give her the satisfaction last night.

Doctors tomorrow so will learn the results of the blood tests - then on to the Alcohol Services. No idea what'll happen there. A bit nervous but also hopeful.

Faire I really liked your words. I never thought I would be able to enjoy not drinking but the lack of shame/embarrassment/sleeplessness is such a reward for not picking up that glass of wine.

ma How are things? I hope you've managed to find a little bit of peace of mind over the past few days? Thinking of you.

Guggen Hope you've managed to stay on the bus and your head is better.

7 weeks is fantastic joey, well done you! I know what you mean about being nervous about going out on a social event. I'm surprised that none of my friends seems to be making a big deal out of the fact I'm not drinking (thought everyone would be aghast and make lots of embarrassing comments - I suppose that's the paranoia surfacing.)

Anyway, I've managed to lose half a stone in weight and am starting to feel a bit more like my old self.

Good luck to all the Brave Babes today.



(green How's you?)

[PurpleWolfe]

(Ooop green X post!)

[SobaSoma]

How was your night out Joey? Bearable? What's everyone up to today? It's grey and raining here, so will be hibernating with DD who needs to do her homework before school starts again tomorrow. She's left it all till the last moment as usual.

Thurso I'm so sad for you failing the course but as others have said, it stinks that everyone's failed on just one assignment. Presumably you'll have a chance to catch up with your fellow students and maybe ask for this to be investigated.

[venusandmars]

purple you sound very upbeat and you're right about the 'thought' of a drink being the issue. When I was drinking I wasted so much time thinking and planning about how/when I was going to drink, or worrying about what would happen if the wine ran out after the shop was closed, or how I'd add in a sneaky extra drink when I was at a social event, or devising ways to get the of the evidence of the empty bottles. Then when I first stopped drinking, it seemed as though all that thinking/planning/plotting/worrying time transferred to thinking about NOT drinking. And it was a bit tortuous. Not thinking about drinking has been the best habit to break, and the one that has really freed me from the grip of this.

thurso and for you. Remember that you will be feeling completely shocked by this for a while, so treat yourself kindly, in the same way as you would with any other sudden and unexpected shock: cry if you feel like it, get angry if you need to, treat yourself with hot sweet tea (or something equally rewarding), and take your time to come to terms with it. Don't make any hasty or wrong decisions (like throwing in the towel). And of course remember than a bottle of wine is not a good treatment for shock - it doesn't make any of it go away, it doesn't lessen any of the pain, and it doesn't even really offer the kind of oblivion you might feel you want. I know xx

[venusandmars]

soma sunny, frosty, cold and bright here (the weather, not me)

[PurpleWolfe]

soma You and I are in the same situation regarding DD's and homework! She (we!) have to come up with a tourist brochure for a castle by tomorrow! Only found out yesterday!

venus When I was drinking I wasted so much time thinking and planning about how/when I was going to drink, or worrying about what would happen if the wine ran out after the shop was closed, or how I'd add in a sneaky extra drink when I was at a social event, or devising ways to get rid the of the evidence of the empty bottles. That was so me - also not wanting to pick places for lunch unless they were licensed and even going to a particular zoo because they sold those little bottles of wine!! And worse still (ooh, difficult confessions) having a slug out of a friends glass while they were out of the room just so my glass didn't empty too fast and look bad! I'm getting better at not thinking about NOT drinking on everyday days but still a bit unsettled about social events. Christmas is looming. I really hope I can make this my first sober - but I've got a way to go before then.

Bloody miserable weather here in Suffolk - wet and cold. Ho hum, will think of something to do with DC later.

[Greyhound]

Hi all - Thurso, I'm so sorry to hear your news! That's awful :( I would definitely complain, especially if everyone failed. That doesn't seem right at all.

Ma - sorry you're going through this, it must be awful.

Mouse - smell of rotting flesh? How horrid. Just a thought - dry rot smells a bit like that, albeit more fungal. Might be worth checking it out.

As for me - well, it's been a bad few weeks. First of all, I had a virus and then my dog died. Since then, dh has been in a bad place. I know I've mentioned this recently.

What scared me the other night is, when I begged him to talk to me about his feelings (he won't) he told me that he is feeling depressed and WANTS TO DRINK. This worried me hugely, as he was a heavy binge drinker in his teens. Since I've known him, he has only drunk rarely. He says he won't drink, but that he did have the craving. His drink of choice (for getting wasted as opposed to drinking socially etc) is whiskey.

One other thing - it gave me an uncomfortable insight into what it must be like to live with someone with a drink problem.

I can't remember if I mentioned that we have a new dog. She came from a rescue society and she is lovely but only a few months old and very lively. She's been keeping us all on our toes. I'm afraid dh isn't bonding with her - he doesn't seem to enjoy her. If I'm honest, although I understand his feelings, I wish he would be a bit more positive about the situation. I know I'm being unfair :(

[aliasjoey]

thurso sorry to hear that, after all your work... well done for not hitting the bottle

[aliasjoey]

had a good evening, did not drink anything at the party. came home and we all had some mulled wine. it was quite late by then, and after 2 glasses i was dead tired, and then just had water.

i felt much more aware of having had enough - usually i would have kept going, last man standing etc. am pleased that it was controlled, but am aware that i must not get complacent. bought a roast chicken for tonight, and was tempted to get some wine but stood firm. i suppose it does get easier...

[SobaSoma]

Purple why do they set such daft homework? I'm sitting at the table with DD who is moaning for England about doing hers but TV/phone/laptop is banned until she does it. Thanks for posting this, it really struck a chord: And worse still (ooh, difficult confessions) having a slug out of a friends glass while they were out of the room just so my glass didn't empty too fast and look bad! But I think this could be even worse still - going to the bar to get a round in and getting an extra one for myself and downing it whilst I'm standing there
and hoping no-one will spot me. I didn't even care what the barman thought of me.

Venus you describe my favourite type of weather, not like that here today. I'm so sorry about your older dog Greyhound and what's going on with DH. Has he suffered from depression before, do you know what brought it on? Glad you enjoyed your evening Joey, wish I could drink like that ie just having a couple but I know that sooner or later it's going to catch up on me.

[guggenheim]

Evening babes

day 3 for me, I was tempted this evening but i made sure that I walked home through the park rather than past the open,wine selling shops.I am feeling better actually!

Thurso very sorry to hear that. What do the other's on your course say? (well just the repeatable bits, anyway ) I thought that purple had a good point about all making a complaint. Bum- it really isn't fair!

Greyhound sorry to hear that you lost a pet and have been having a bad time.

just wondering how goldenSeptember and rural are getting on? golden I was thinking about your decision to stay away from the white wine witch- how's it going?

Hope you all had a happy and sober halloween

[aliasjoey]

grey men really dont like talking about their feelings, do they? i think they prefer practical ways of dealing with things, maybe instead of asking "do you want to talk about it?" you ask " is there anything i can do?" might get a better response. its hard when they wont open up... also they feel like its somehow weak to admit to anything

soma i was surprised that i stopped at 2 glasses but it was late. no more till next weekend and that will be hard to resist.

[dementedma]

Had a nice walk in the sunny,frost-sparkling woods today.things OK. Thrown a cloth over the elephant in the room and put a lamp on it.

[Mouseface]

Evening, tis me, Mouse

Ma - Thrown a cloth over the elephant in the room and put a lamp on it. - Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaahhh! Oh. My. Frickin. Days. Ma - that line has just made my day. You are bloody brilliant! Brilliant.

Joey - well done on stopping at 2 glasses, next weekend is a week away, stop projecting! xx

Gugg - nice to see you here, day 3 is better than day 0, do what you have to ODAAT xx

I'm okay, tired after a late night with Nemo, upset and screaming with a nightmare..... in our bed so DH turfed into his bed

Good day here, lots of jobs done, shopping for food done, more fireworks for next weekend, tidying a bit and lots of wood chopped to keep us warm. Our last day and then back to school on Tuesday.

HUGE dilemma with respite which I will try to go into tomorrow for more advice. I need some other views on what to do as it's upsetting me. Rather a lot actually.

But for now, bed calls. It's so cold here tonight, rural temps are 4/5 degrees lower than the bloody BBC ever say!

Just watched that documentary about the space diving guy? What a dude! And a crazy one at that! Life is so short and look what he did! Wicked.

Night night Babes xxx

[thurso1]

Morning

Thank you so much for all your lovely messages. I rushed on here and let it out in the first fury of knowing, and feel a bit ashamed, as it's no big one,in the scheme of life. Nobody is ill, or hurt so it's just paper.

It would seem that we haven't all failed the qualification as a final thing, just that one assignment needs to be "re-worked", for the course to be passed. However seeing as my tutor isn't answering any emails, phone calls or texts from anyone in the class, I haven't got a lot more detail !!!!

Venus You know me so well, yup, "bugger blow this, I'm just not doing it" immediatly sprang to mind! The wine was calling as well, but had a really nice day with Dh yesterday, walked miles, ate loads and perspective restored (well, ish!!).

I imagine that I have completely broadcast exactly who I am with my little outburst!! What should I do?

Lots of love
T xxxxx

[thurso1]

Purple I hope the docs goes well today.

Mouse What's going on with respite, sweet pea? It's hardly being helpful if it's making you upset and worried, not what it says on the can at all. Hope you got some sleep. xxxxx

Greyhound My Dh has had bad periods of depression, and the trouble is that he won't talk until things get very bad. I know how hard it is.

[dementedma]

Thurso i havent a blardy clue who you are except a friend of mine. That will do.
DD2 withdrawing from college today. Thank you SAAS for no funding despite the application going in 3 months ago and endless chasing. Ironically, the govt will now pay her for being on the dole.
She is being a star, and saying its just a setback and she will apply again next year.....bless her!

[thurso1]

Oh Ma, how awful, you must be desolate. What an absolute star your DD is. I really cannot believe that no-one could help her out with funding .
Bloody Flipping politicians with 2nd and 3rd houses, etc, etc .

[aliasjoey]

ma sorry to hear about your DD especially you've worked so hard to get her onto the course, its very mature of her that she is taking it so well... gosh, you've got it tough at the moment. My thoughts are with you....

Woke up feeling very miserable again. Been feeling very down lately, which is pathetic considering I have such a good life compared to many people. I've just looked up some 'mood apps' for my new kindle; some of them look a bit pointless ie. they just track your mood, they don't actually help, but I've found one or two which appear to be CBT-based and I will have a good look at them later.

In the meantime I've just written down my negative thoughts, and then tried to see whether they are false/exaggerated. This is a technique I learned in the Feeling Good handbook (Dr David Burns) Its quite old now, but I think its still relevant. I don't feel any real desire to drink though (well it is only 10.30am!) but unless I get this mood sorted then by Friday the idea of that 'weekend drink' will be obsessive.

Hope everyones week starts off bright and sunny...

[Greyhound]

Ma that's awful. Just seems so unfair on your daughter, but what a great attitude she has :)

[Mouseface]

Afternoon, tis me, Mouse

Ma - what a pile of absolute horse shite. I am amazed at the continuing positive attitude of your DD, she is so level headed and a real credit to you, she's a wonderful young woman, she really is. I'm so sorry to read that they have done this to you.

Thurso - you didn't overreact or make yourself look out to be anything other than the strong, determined woman that you are, a positive woman who wanted to do something for herself so of course you're going to be gutted when you're told you've failed at something you've worked so God damn hard for.

It's good that you can do the parts you need to again. Glad you had a nice weekend xx

Joey - I found that writing stuff down really helped me when I hit a real low. Just to write out how I felt and see it in black and white, right there infront of me, made me realise that it was a series of small manageable things that I could deal with individually, one at a time, to then unravel the bigger cause if that makes sense?

No sleep for me again, Nemo was really unsettled but did have a huge meltdown before bed so that could be why. BUT, it's a glorious day here, so sunny and crisp so we're going to wrap up warm later, go feed the ducks and go for a walk. Just to get out. As sick as this might sound, I think we'll take a walk up to the old cemetery on the hill, it;s so serene there and I love the view. We just walk around looking at the stones, some are sad stories, others amazing and celebrations.

Anyway, I hope you are all okay Brave Babes, it's a rubbish time of year for me personally, lots of past trauma 'anniversaries' but THIS YEAR, I am not going to look for comfort at the bottom of a wine bottle or three.

THIS YEAR, I'm going to be thankful for what I have got in my life, my loving (and occasionally maddening) family, my beautiful children, supportive husband, lovely home, safety, food on the table and the knowledge that I'll never have to face those 'traumas' again.

Oh, and just to brag a bit more about my wonderful life I've lost another 4lb by cutting out the mountains of chocolate I was eating so I'm now under 10st for the first time since I got married 6 years ago!

Right, Heinz tomato soup time....... heaven xx

[aliasjoey]

oh, I meant to say thanks faire for that sense you talked the other day when I was complaining that in the future drinking would have to be accompanied by thinking about it.

and you said >>

Joey this is what I love now about drinking (or not drinking)! For me, it is always mindful and I can feel what I really get out of a glass or two (which is not much tbh).

which of course makes a lot of sense really. I just find it hard to be responsible. Thanks for knocking some sense into me.