The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Blowing Away The Cobwebs, Brushing Up The Leaves, Whilst Travelling On The Battle Bus, To Our Own Sobrieties.

[Mouseface]

Hello I'm Mouse

Welcome to the Brave Babes Battle Bus, aka Gerald. It's a lovely place for drinkers, non-drinkers, wobblers and thinkers...... we're a really mixed bunch who all have one thing in common, alcohol.

Whether that be past or present, it can always be our future due to the nature of the beast.

Everyone can join this thread, the support is unconditional. And it is here for anyone who wants it, now or in a little while, there's always a spare seat or three!

Why not take a look at the journeys so far at the link below, it'll take you back through the last two (plus) years, and also I've posted a link to the very first thread....... the reason that we are all on the Bus in the first place

PREVIOUS THREAD

FIRST EVER THREAD

Hi all,

Just continuing the games theme, there are some good ideas here

www.compendia.co.uk (this is one of the few shops I actually make the effort to go to rather than shopping online - there's more stuff on the site than there is in the online shop).

Home alone and feeling sorry for myself as have caught the dreaded sore throat/cough lurgy that is going around. At least it means I'm mostly craving hot Ribena!

I love dancing, but line dancing with a bunch of people who are drinking.... I think the pjs are def the way to go.

Is carcass one a good game? Thought about buying it. This head pain is dreadful- doc says neuralgia so I googled it and it sounds spot on. Occipital neuralgia. Anyone know how long it lasts and any tips for managing it.

Here you go Faire parka She might actually wear this to school - refuses to wear her nice winter coat, not cool apparently! I got DD a kindle a while back, she uses it a lot and yes you can download foreign language stuff off Amazon. They're very easy to use and I borrow it sometimes, although I do love the feel of a book.

purple well done on the weight loss!

we are off to the in-laws tonight, any tips on how to survive a boring evening? i think basically I'm just antisocial

have got some wine for tomorrow night... i think my goal is not necessarily to drink less, but just to be less of an idiot. especially around my mil. I dont think i could manage to control it so I'd better stay sober tonight. dont know if this is making sense to anyone else...

Evening, tis me, Mouse

I'm not coping well.

I wanted to C&P this as this is what happened to Nemo except for the fact that they finally listened to me and rushed him to PICU and after hours of them working on him, trying to get fluids into him, they had to put needles into his bones to get fluids into his system, he lived even though I was told to call DH to get him to say goodbye to our son. It was November 2009. He was only six months old. Every op has lead to his life hanging in the balance. Every bloody one and I'm absolutely scared to death Babes

PLEASE DON'T READ IT IF YOU'LL GET UPSET AS IT'S NOT A NICE STORY, IT'S UTTERLY HORRIFIC WHAT HAPPENED TO HER AND HER FAMILY, BUT I'M POSTING IT TO UPDATE THOSE WHO HAVE NO IDEA WHAT WE'VE BEEN THROUGH IN THE PAST

Tragic death at BCH

I'm sorry for being no help or support right now. DH and I are bickering, I want to hold Nemo all of the time. He woke screaming last night and I held him for hours...... I think he understands, we've touched on it briefly.

Sorry Babes. xx

I hope you're all okay, I'm sorry to bring the thread down but I need to let it out or I'll drink myself through it and I'm not letting that happen. He needs me sober.

mouse i havent read the link, but know how scared you must be. Its totally understandable. Have you talked to the consultant about your feelings? They can help to reassure you. Before i had surgery, I told the anaesthetist about an incident that happened to my grandfather, and he was so good at explaining things to me... big hugs my lovely

Hey Joey

Thanks, yes, they know all about what happened in Birmingham.... and the continued battle we had to be listened to, to be heard, to be believed as well.

I'm glad you spoke up about your fears. xx

I know that this is a new hospital, new staff, new team.... I'm just so bloody pathetically scared. A grown woman who knows how CBT works, the percentages of such and such happening again, the chances are etc.....

DH is not happy with me. He keeps giving me 'it's only flipping Saturday' looks as if to say what will you be like by Wednesday....

Nemo's on the PM list for the surgery on Weds. We're driving up on Tuesday and staying overnight in a hotel near to the hospital.

But right now? I'm going to go and watch some comedy and eat a huge bag of maltesers.

Thank you for letting me get it out here, don't read the link if you don't want to, please. It;s for those who have no idea really of what happened and means I don't post it openly here.

Night Babes. xx

Oh mouse you aren't bringing the thread down.you need us and we are here. You have had a rough ride with nemo over the years, and having almost lost him, after the loss of the triplets, it is understandable that you fear for him. You must be shitting terrified. But he needs you to be strong and to do this for him. It will change his life and give him a much better chance at so many things. Be strong, mouse for your little fighter and for DH who must be equally terrified. We will all be here for you.

Mouse {{{{{{{{{hug}}}}}}}}}}} Nemo is going to be alright. He's going in to have his cleft palate repaired, is that right? Isn't that's a pretty straightforward procedure or are you concerned about him having a general?
June had a sleep study done this week because the doctors want to assess how she'd be under a general anesthetic (she may have an op to try and realign her hips, very complex and no guarantee of success) and her dad (my ex) said it was a really upsetting experience.

I saw her today and played with her, what a little ray of sunshine she is despite everything that doesn't work properly and then they left and I watched her walking to the car in her funny little bent-legged way and I just wanted to howl...I can't imagine what you're going through but please please don't drink (I know you won't) and keep on talking to us. xx

Hello, I have never posted here before and feel v conscious of crashing your thread. But there are lots of firsts happening for me at the moment and I have been kindly invited to post on here having started a thread in general health about the fact I have reached breaking point about my drinking. But I am very very scared about all that it is going to open up for me. Anyway, hers is my post...I have posted a bit after this but not sure how to copy the whole thread? But I look forward to joining you, and on a night when I am not quite so absorbed in the fact I am for the first time in my life describing myself as an alcoholic I will read the thread! I am sorry to seem so self-absorbed...I feel a bit lost

It has taken me about a year to write this post. I have now for a long long time from reading these boards accepted that I have a problem. I want to be normal, want to have a drink or two now and again, but I can't. And I don't want to carry on like this.

I can't spend too long thinking about all there is to say that has brought me to this point, otherwise I will never ever click the button and finally finally finally say it out loud, even if just on the Internet.

On the outside, I am totally functional, 3 DC, lovely marriage, happy home, part time work....but I am haunted by by inability to control my drinking. Recently I have been able to control it more - nights off, no drinking in the week, but I still give in when I don't want to. And I drink fast, and I generally am always the one that drinks the most. And I had a night recently whe I drunk 1.5 bottles of wine on my own, and know that is pretty awful. My DH is lovely, but doesn't get how bad it is (generally unobservant plus I lie about my alcohol consumption).

I am having CBT for anxiety, but I have had this moment of clarity today that my anxiety is so much a mental health problem cause by my drinking. Bt I am so scared of going next session and telling my therapist that it is alcohol that is the real problem in my life, and anxiety is secondary. But I know I probably should?

Also, should I not even thinking about 'moderation' in getting on top of my alcohol issues? Should I be thinking only of abstinence? When I was pregnant and followed very strictly the '1 or 2 units once or twice a week' ( as it was then) I was in my ideal world - I learnt that actually a small glass of wine when iut for dinner was all I wanted (I would then get full and tired and that kne glass had fully satisfied me), one small glass of champagne at a wedding, and then having coherent conversations and waking uo hangover and GUILT FREE made my world a very very happy place. And it was am awakening, I drunk, and could look forward to a glass of wine, but in complete moderation with no consequences (I know some dispute re drinking in pg but I w sticking to the guidelines at the time, and don't want to have a conversation about that now)..so how have I let myself get back here?

I used ti be a very heavy smoker and I ave managed to stop entirely. I believe I can conquer my problems with alcohol, because I have done it with smoking (I don't underestimate how bloody awful it will be, I say this because I tell myself this to feel hopeful rather than 'can't do anything about it so may as well keep drinking).

My mum was/is an alcoholic but she has not drunk for 10 years or so. I admire her, but yet there were some awful awful times when I was younger which I still feel very very angry about. The one thing in the whole world that k want is to not do the same to my kids.

I a not sure the point of my post, I just know I have got to the point that I can say all this. I never thought I would even get this far. I know I have a problem - it has taken me a long time to accept this but I am now finally there. It is what to do now. I have read so many posts that say AA...but the thought of that terrifies me so much, that I think it would prevent me from tackling my problem. Is it not the case that there are all different kinds of treatment methods, including CBT? Should I start with my current therapist? Should I go back to the GP?

I am waffling, this is long and I am about to chicken out and delete and carry in drinking wine and watching the xfactor. I feel pathetic, but please be kind, I am very very very scared. And j have also (I hope) namechanged.
I guess I really want some advice on where to go next....

Thank you.

Hello Something and welcome to the bus. You are in a safe place here, no one will be unkind.

Well done for making that first post. You will get lots of support and tons of advice. The best thing for now is just to take it one day at a time. Don't think about tomorrow or next week or Christmas or any other time. Just stay in there here and now.

This would be a good place to start. It's the very first thread and follows one amazing lady's journey to sobriety.

Mouse well done for getting it all out. Keep posting, we are all here for you. I know you are worried sick and there is nothing really anyone can say to ease that pain. But keep talking anyway x

Something a big welcome to you and thank you for such an interesting and well-written post. You're adding something to the thread, not crashing it, and newcomers are what keeps it fresh.

The similarities between us are many, even down to watching the XFactor (isn't James amazing?) It was scary for me too when I first owned up to the severity of my problem but in doing so, not only was I taking the first step in addressing my alcohol issues but entering a whole new world where I wasn't alone and struggling. I feel I've made friends here and I'm sure you will too.

I've been sober for about 6 months with a few relapses which I'm not beating myself up about; they're all part of trying to get on top of it. It's still hard; yesterday I battled a wine craving for about 6 hours but with a few tools I've developed I got the better of it. The result is that I've woken up this morning with a light heart and my self-esteem intact. It makes me shudder to think how I'd feel if I'd given in...Do come back and post later, what plans do you have for today?

something well done for coming over and joining the bus. It has been, and continues to be, my lifeline. No one will judge, everyone will understand although slaps with wet fish are meeted out when needed.

Afternoon, tis me, Mouse

Soma - he has Pierre Robin sequence which is a small lower jaw, narrow airway, tiny mouth and shallow neck which means he is a grade 4 intubation, 5 is the most difficult and virtually impossible.

That's what the terror is. That and him bleeding out again for over an hour like last time because of post op care not being up to scratch.

In my head I know that it's all a different hospital, staff, ward, surgeon etc..... but in my heart I'm scared it will be the same all over again. People keep saying it won't happen again, the emergency admission to PICU but they said that they first time, and the second and the third.......

I'm not going to get wasted, I need my wits about me and Nemo needs me more than ever over these next few days. I actually don;t want to drink, I want to sleep and wake up and it all be done and fine.

DH is worried about my own disability and how I'll cope, as only one parent can stay overnight and of course there's no room in the parent accommodation as per. There never is! Every time they say for us to book in, it's full. Luckily, he's staying with friends of ours who live close to the hospital.

Soma - Nemo has had two sleep studies now, they are scary and not very nice but I'm glad they are checking how June would cope with anaesthesia before just going for it. Give her a big squidge for me next time you see her xx

Anyway, thank you all your support, it means the world to us, it really does.

Welcome to Something - You are in the right place and I'm glad you were pointed in our direction

As Ma said, we're not here to judge, just to support one another through life, love and laundry!! Find a seat and get comfy, I've made beef casserole and DH has freshly baked a farmhouse loaf to go with it for later when it gets cold and dark.

Right, Nemo needs some mummy time as DH is out with the wolf, DD is due back and I am busy writing lists about lists to remind me where I put my lists!

I shall be thinking of you and Nemo dear Mouse.

Alcohol Awareness week so going to be full on up here in Yorkshire, we have lots planned. The de-stigmatization process with my middle aged Mums dying for a drink is coming on, very difficult taboo to break, but nothing worth doing is easy.

Soma often think of you and Alfie, it's sarah by the way, got a nc for Christmas! I have a couple of pics of my dogs and chickens that are public. The Limpet is very old, a little blind and a lot deaf, he is quite irreplaceable though, so will not be getting another jack russell.

Glad you found the BB thread Something, it's full of love and empathy. xx

Hello Sarah (of old), it's so good to hear from you. I love your pictures - can I come and join you reading under the tree? I hope Alcohol Awareness week goes well, I think it would be such a good idea if they did something like that in schools but DD (12) hasn't had any "education" on the subject yet. Maybe they leave it till they're a bit older. It might stop her from being a middle-aged mum dying for a drink.

Mouse thank you for explaining about Nemo. June has very narrow airways too (is still being tube-fed because she can't swallow), as well as having hearing and talking problems. Keep strong, it will be fine. xx

Thank you all from the bottom of my heart. Although I am aware of friends around me who drink too much I have always felt alone - that not single one of them is like me...and 'god if they only knew' eg we go to the cinema - they go home to bed, I go home and drink 3 glasses of wine and then go to bed.

Today I feel scared but relieved! It really, marvellously feels a big first step! Sunday is a roast day and that often means not only wine with the meal, but a glass (or two) while cooking and another couple watching TV after the kids. "don't worry! Everyone has wine with roasts on a sunday" but I need to say to myself, but not like this they don't.

And that is what I have said to myself and I know I will stick with it. I have bought biscuits to look forward to watching TV after (from one demon to another but I think I just have to manage what I can).

I have also turned down an invitation for a roast at friends today which I would not have done this time last week - I would have jumped at the chance for a reason to drink even more! And I have contacted the friend I am seeing for dinner out this week and arranged to meet at a place where I will drive to. So I am feeling motivated and positive. I have also had a brief chat with my DH and told him I am taking action to change my drinking habits - I have told him I do not want to eg go to our school Christmas do so fearful of how much I will drink, what I will say and what I will do. I won't do anything that others don't see as 'brilliant fun' or 'on such great form' but I just want to be the boring one for a while.

On the other hand, I have had two separate exchanges with 2 friends today suggesting social occasions. Both feel a threat to what I want to do regarding my drinking, and my mind spun through panic to 'oh god I'll just get pissed' back back to panic. I think maybe I just need to get them in the diary for new year and then not worry about them for now.

Since posting last night I have felt obsessed with all the social engagements in my diary and how I will manage them. At home I can manage - I can and do do it (I know my triggers eg getting kids to bed and I know if I can battle that first hour, once I had eaten, the craving goes. I often drink a becks blue at those times which remarkably can hit the spot well). But it is the social engagements that feel almost impossible. The disappointment I feel I am giving to people (after all, that's how I feel) when I show up and announce I am not drinking. I feel I am letting people down.

So, I am more determined than ever. But I am still not clear on my goals and that's where I need to keep thinking and would welcome advice. Abstinence sun - thurs and then moderation fri and sat? Would that be a good starting point? Or am I kidding myself. The abstinence sun - thurs feels doable, the moderation is the bit that feels more of a challenge.

Thank you thank you for welcoming me. It has taken a big gulp to refresh this thread today. It is also hard as I can only really look on my phone - I have logged out of my username on the iPad as I am not ready for DH to see (chances are he wouldn't). As you kindly said - baby steps.

Thank you too for an explanation of who goes where. I like the sound of it all. To feel I am brave, not a pisshead or a f@ck up, if I can really let myself believe it sounds a very good start too.

Thank you thank you. (have read back and realise I sound rather serious in all this, not how o usually right, but think it is a result of me trying to be factual (no more lies, not even to myself) and objective about my drinking.

something don't worry about the biscuits, some clever person on here said 'Deal with your issues in the order in which they will kill you' - biscuits are waaaay down on the list!

well I managed to get through last night at the in-laws, and it really wasn't as bad as I was anticipating. The first part of the evening was a struggle - I only did it by telling myself I could have some wine tonight not the best incentive. But it got easier, I ended up losing spectacularly at a game of cluedo - by forgetting which cards I had in my own hand - which everyone thought was hilarious because I was sober!

For some reason I slept badly again, and had reflux - have to keep reminding myself I'm doing this for psychological reasons, as I don't feel any better physically!

I think it is getting easier, thats the 3rd time I've survived an evening sober listening to mil babbling on... roll on xmas, I can do this.

saf if you're around - just wanted to say good luck for tomorrow, I hope everything goes okay! will be thinking of you. what are you wearing (i like to know little details like this!)

my dh has started 2 new jobs in the last 9 months - I know how nervewracking it can be! just remember most people will be too busy getting on with their own work to worry about you, just be yourself xxx

something . I agree, don't over think it. As long as you are cutting back in some way,that is a start. We all do it different ways on here - MIFLAW ( our boy babe) is an advocate of tough love and AA and has been dry now for years, JWN took the bull by the horns and turned her life around,faire is a controlled drinker, isindie and I struggle to stay out of the sidecar, and everyone else is somewhere in between.
We are all surrogate aunties to the beautiful nemo
Stay with us - this bus could do with some intelligent passengers instead of this lot of old soaks