And while I'm still wired on sugar from the cocktails, I thought I'd throw a comment on the £150 meal out there.
Splitting the bill.
Now, I'm relatively old fashioned, and there are general rules which people follow in the online dating world. Generally women will wait to be asked out, at least for a first date. Personally I like it when a woman I've been chatting to asks me out, but I understand I'm expected to make the first move.
So when (if) we get that date and we go for coffee to start with, I like to work out a place where if we're getting on really well and we both have enough free time, we can go for wine/beer and even a meal if things are going very well. That way we both have the chance to say we have to get home, or oh-my-god-my-car-is-on-fire or whatever excuses we may make to get away from the weirdo we've unaccountably found ourselves sharing our personal space with. But then if it turns into drinks and a meal, I'll obviously go to pay the bill.
This is where politics comes into it. If a woman insists on paying her share I will think one of three things:
- She's not into me and doesn't want to feel obligated in any way and depending on how strident she is, she wants to make that VERY CLEAR INDEED
- She's a feminist and believes she should, in a modern world, contribute equally
- She feels sorry for me because she earned far more than I do, or I'd travelled a long way.
There have been cases where a woman has asked for - and paid - the bill while I nipped to the gents, and I felt really very awkward because she was obviously into me a lot more than I was into her, and I felt - yes, a bit obligated to at least spend more time with her (drinks afterwards which I bought)
Now my thoughts on this have always been that the one who does the asking pays for the meal, in full. If someone doesn't feel comfortable and is insistent I'll presume one of the three points above. It's always nice to have the offer extended even though I'll say 'no, no, it's fine, I've got it'. That's just me of course, other men will react differently.
I think - if I pay for the first date, then we could go dutch on a second date maybe, or one of us could cook (maybe on a third date) and one bring wine. Something like that.
I (sometimes) earn enough money to (sometimes) pay for a nice meal. I'd rather have a picnic in a park with someone fantastic though, than a swanky sushi in london with someone okayish. But either way it's nice to be offered, and be able to diplomatically refuse, the offer of splitting the bill on a first date. Going for a meal with someone who stares out the window or at their fingernails, makes monosyllabic answers the whole time and then expects me to pay for the pleasure of their obvious disinterest, however, just irritates me.
What's your take on it? Go Dutch with someone who's not pressing the right buttons, always assume they'll pay for it or worry they'll expect payment in kind?