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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Hat wars and soup-er dates, let the sausage see the roll... The Online Dating Thread reaches 25!

999 replies

Yogagirl17 · 23/10/2012 16:17

Erm...hope nobody minds?

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Yogagirl17 · 24/10/2012 21:16

Aha! Well if Snape is smiling then something good has come anyway. I've told him I'm feeling particularly incoherent nad if he asks me about hte job i may cry but if he wants to phone he can. he has been scared off warned.

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hatesponge · 24/10/2012 21:16

Smiling is good :) long may it last.

watchoutforthatsnail · 24/10/2012 21:17

Glad to hear it. First few days are hellish. You will be ok. ...

Yoga-go. He sounds keen. Might be a nice distraction :)

snapespeare · 24/10/2012 21:30

I'm going to bed to cry now. I am not going to sit on PMs doorstep. Hmm

I do want to say thank you. You have all been so amazingly supportive and I absolutely treasure that. You're not a nest of vipers. You are like my wool stash, there when I need you to make wonderful things happen. You are a collective star, my Milky Way. I would normally talk to my best friend about this...somewhat unfortunately I!m sodding-well in love with him, but you are the very next best thing. I will make you a book someday. Wink

Thank you from my spent-out-heart.

TimeForMeAndDD · 24/10/2012 21:38

Sod PM Snape, we love you Smile

JoylessFucker · 24/10/2012 21:40

What a damn shame that the prof isn't texting - a good filthy session would do you a power of good. The endorphins y'know ...

I know you don't think so at the moment, but getting back on that particular horse is the best distraction I know for a broken heart.

Oh, together with lots & lots of Wine

snapespeare · 24/10/2012 21:47

I see it- the prof- as mechanical, it's an itch-scratch. Yes, I am short of breath and cum 30 times (stealth boast, he. Was. Good) but it isn't the same as gasping for breath while looking so far into someone's eyes that you see a glimpse of their soul and you know that you're home.

Could have been's.

Fucking cunting buggery pus-filled bollocksing wank staining arse-biscuits.

JoylessFucker · 24/10/2012 22:01

Sorry snape, I didn't think you & PM had ever DTD. We all dream that's how it will be when we're in love ... I can't say its ever been that way for me Envy I still would rather have the deep eye gazing/glimpsing soul/knowing you're home (even without great sex) than the shag-a-thon though.

Mind you, 30 times you say ....?

I could change my mind Confused

Scattylatte · 24/10/2012 22:01

I've got awful grammar. I just don't know what to put where.

Hope you feel better soon Snape.

snapespeare · 24/10/2012 22:06

To be clear, PM & I never DTD. I project. I 'know'. It would have Been home and it looks like it never will be. Hey-ho. The prof was rather accomplished and 30-times was a dull day.

Yogagirl17 · 24/10/2012 22:33

30 time? Does he have friends? Hmm

So my date is back on. My threats didn't scare him off. He phoned. We had a lovely chat. He cheered me up a lot. He's such a geek - got all excited telling me about a 3TB hard drive! But he made me laugh and he has a nice voice. So fuck it.

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bantamrooster · 24/10/2012 23:14

well. 4 hours of chatting online to the Nurse. Got a date on friday.

Big grin.

hatesponge · 24/10/2012 23:31

Must be something in the air on Match.

I have been offered dates by 3 blokes tonight. I think a 4th may be in the offing Shock

shame they all have faces only their mother could love

bantamrooster · 24/10/2012 23:45

go sponge. Although now you've mentioned 'something in the air' I've got that bloody Phil Collins song in my head which has brought down my whole evening

MadameOvary · 25/10/2012 00:59

Snape No fee. I'm finding that doing good stuff is its own reward. Just say the word and I'll make the call Smile
Yoga If you need any help, let me know. You are not that far away and if I can I will. Really. Dont hesitate. And please do see the Geek.
Sponge WooHoo!
Bantam Feeling good are we? Grin
Western glad that's all sorted out.

Another hour-long conversation with The Chemist (as he shall now be known) next meet arranged.
There may be a changing of FB status happening Grin

MadameOvary · 25/10/2012 01:48

Gettingit re photos, I dont rate them now. It's the description I look for. The Chemist's photo wasn't particularly good, not very close up but by this point I had set my radar to "Slightly geeky decent guy" and he kind of set it off.

Consistency, or lack of, is quite telling IME. Initial buzz means nothing, in fact fact nothing means anything until you meet. You can get on like a house on fire over text and email, and even phone, but only by face to face do you get all the other important stuff to work with (body language etc) and even after you meet, its wise (IMHO) to just let it wash over you.

They might sound like they are into you, but the truth is they dont know you so they are assuming, projecting and most likely enjoying the buzz of the moment. So take it with a pinch of salt.

Chemist and I didn't have that lightning-bolt stuff, which was fine by me, as had learned this means very little and sometimes means trouble. We exchanged regular, pleasant emails and then spoke on the phone, which went well, and then we arranged to meet. There was no flirting, no innuendo, no bravado or game-playing, just genuine interest on both sides.

And the rest is history Smile

OhWesternWind · 25/10/2012 08:56

"All will be well, and all will be well, and all manner of thing will be well".

Thought I would start the day with one of my favourite quotations which has brought me a lot of comfort in the past and which I need to take more notice of at the moment!

I've been doing a lot of thinking about why I keep assuming the worst about things with the Lovely Optician. I know that at my heart I have an unshakeable self-belief that I can do anything and get through anything, and nothing will ever, ever change that. However, it's overlaid by some flappy crappy insecure shit about men/relationships that I think is mainly a legacy from my ex, and partly there because this new thing is really starting to matter to me. It's easy to be confident and laid-back if you've no emotional or other investment in it, and you don't really care, apart from a brief knock to the ego, if you see him again. It's not like that any more. Plus, I am so out of practice with dating and starting off a new relationship - it's twenty years since I was there last time! What I need to remember is that he is NOT my ex and he is NOT going to treat me like ex did. And I know that, really . . . And I think I am ready to let down some barriers now that I know how he thinks about our relationship, and hopefullly that will let us move on to something better.

OhWesternWind · 25/10/2012 08:59

Yoga - hope you have a great time today. He sounds nice.

Bantam - result!!

Sponge - are you going to meet up with any/all of them?

There is something in the air with all you lot - whoo hoo!!

Yogagirl17 · 25/10/2012 09:07

Western - happy for you, letting down barriers is hard but can bring so much more happiness than just being aloof. x

Madame - thanks, genuinely appreciate the offer but honestly I don't know what anyone can do to help unless they can either find me a shitload of money or a job. :-/

Will let you all know how it goes with the Geek (I like that better than Soup Boy!).

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snapespeare · 25/10/2012 09:28

"All will be well, and all will be well, and all manner of thing will be well".

:) well eventually, yes. At the moment I am furiously attempting to talk myself out of posting the White Stripes, ' I just don't know what to do with myself' on fb. radio silence, i know. I am also fantasizing about turning up on his doorstep and being swept into nakedness....but that has rather a lot of self-respect connotations as in I have none so that won't fly either.

madameO OK. lets do it. I need to throw myself into a project and I like the idea of a postscript of 'rejection is one thing, but rejection form a fool is cruel' (PM hates Morrissey, so it couldn't go in the original nteb*k but it's ear-worming me right now)

western i like your reasoning regarding how you know you're fab, but evil-exes say stupid guilty things and our sub-concious throws them up at the worst times, even though we know they're untrue. evil-exes know what buttons to press, they know our insecurities. The alternative is to believe them and build our walls of protection so that no-one ever gets the opportunity to get close enough to hurt us again. That is no way to live, it means the evil-exes win ? the hurt continues. I wish you well with the lovely optician :)

GreenBurrito · 25/10/2012 09:44

Bantam - Great news about getting a date with the Nurse! I would be up for reading through your tips of what to say and what not to say on an OD profile, especially coming from one guy to another. I had set up a POF account a few years back, since deleted, but trying to recall what it said; I'm pretty sure it came across quite mechanical and just read as though I were answering hidden questions. I've never really been one to be able to portray myself properly through text though, I'm more of a people person!

Yoga - Have a great time Smile

Snape - Hope you're doing ok! I think that you need focus all of that amazingly beautiful energy you have on yourself for a while and have some fun!

MadameOvary · 25/10/2012 09:57

Sponge Are any of their profiles appealling? There are plenty of men that quadruple in attractiveness once you get to know them. Just as pretty men can be dull as ditchwater. Sounds patronising I know, but something to think about.

Snape ok will give my friend a call. We should really speak on the phone as I dont want to misinterpret or make any wrong moves with this.

MsCellophane · 25/10/2012 10:08

Snape, huge apologies for my choice of words and so sorry if they upset you further.

I think there is a difference between mental and crazy behaviour and mental health issues which many of us have, but again sorry if I made you feel worse

snapespeare · 25/10/2012 10:10

No, I'm not doing OK at all really....and 'fun' is going to be a bit of a task when i can't actually make eye contact with anyone. I'll nail on a smile i guess.

right, need a fabulous pen-name. cannot be published as Snapespeare, because that'll probably link back to my fb account somehow or (hell's teeth!) my own name (the horror!)

Yogagirl17 · 25/10/2012 10:13

Snape "No, I'm not doing OK at all really". I know, not yet. But you will be.

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