Honeymoon periods

[Dahlen]

This follows on from the red flags thread and watching several people in RL embark on new relationships or progress to the next stage in an existing one.

If the scientific consensus is that the so-called honeymoon period generally last two years, how come so many people commit or separate before that point? How long were you with a partner before you started noticing their negative points as well as their positive ones? How often were you seeing each other before this happened? And are you still together and happy, still together and unhappy, or did you call it quits and go your separate ways?

Just musing.

Separated, red flags within weeks.

My experience has always been that the red flags appear quite quickly too. Although it does help if you know what you are looking at of course. In some cases they take years to become apparent, but is that because they're well hid or because the person on the receiving end didn't see them for what they were?

i had never heard the two yr theory before my friends always told me it was about 6 months. dp and i are just coming out of it now i would say as in we are starting to row over silly things we never did before, but i think after the honeymoon period there is a deeper phase of knowing the other person better. we have been together for 2 years. no drop off in sex life (woo) and that includes a baby. i think if you are in a bad relationship then it can become apparent really quickly but you dont always want to admit it, so it can drag on for longer than it should with you trying to focus on only the good. my first marriage i knew it was bad very quickly red flags all over the place but i was young and in love

In my experience the honeymoon period - if you define the honeymoon period as the time when you're seeing your partner through rosetinted glasses and they are exactly who you want them to be in your head - has lasted around 6 months. After 6 months in a new relationship I've either realised I am in love, or realised they are not who I thought they were and we've gone our separate ways.

But I've been with DH now 9 years, married for 2, and there was never a honeymoon period! We were friends for a few years, then got together and tbh the first 18 months were a bit rubbish, so we broke up, but got back together after 3 months and it's just got better and better from then on.

6 months seems to be a much more common timeframe than the two years bandied about IME. I know lots of couples who split up at that point.

I split up with my then-DP, now DH, after 6 months. We got back together after a week, but that was the time when we really needed to have some big discussions about what we wanted from life, where things were going, get stuff out in the open type thing. Once we'd done that, over wine in the pub, all was good. He definitely had ideas about who I was and what I wanted that were just plain wrong - I think that easily happens in the first 6 months. But maybe it does take some people longer to get to that point. I don't think there can be a general timeframe that fits every relationship.