Red shoes, charming lesbians and pirates with taste...Dating Thread 24

[ChaoticismyLife]

It's the best I could come up with

As you were...

ok - so he just text to say he hopes i had a good eveing and good night.

sponge - think you are right, isnt that he isnt into me, just maybe how he is.

but i dont really want to end up like your friend... ( thats awful)
im not going to worry, its up to him to sort it out, or not..... and i can decide from what he does. but im not going to be second best
( and im not replying to that text either)

Ooh, is it nearly notebook time? Good luck Snape - it looks amazing!

Watch - It sounds like this is a crucial moment: you can either go along with things and see Pirate when he can fit you in, or you can stick to what's important to you and keep looking for someone else who has more time. I get the impression that he seemed great at first, but now you're starting to notice things that are putting you off (the house, lack of time). I think it's a good idea to pull back a bit. That way you'll see what he does when the next step is up to him.

I'm not too sure about my POF guy anymore. I left it for a few days and then suggested a new meeting time, as suggested on this thread, and he is now taking several days as well, if he will indeed reply at all. Is this normal? I thought if you like the sound of someone you'd respond quite quickly to get a bit of a dialogue going. His first message sounded quite positive, but I'm a bit put off by the slow replies. Am I too impatient?

Watch definitely not, my friends situation is really awful, shes my age, desperate for a baby, ends up with this fuckmuppet bloke whos tight as anything, he won't try for a baby til they're married, and wont get married til house is done. Which won't be anytime soon. Haven't seen the house but I envisage it as being like out of the Kim & Aggie prog. I'd rather be single than be stuck with someone like that.

Not suggesting Pirate is on that scale, but its worth not compromising. Friend did, and if she doesnt regret it already expect she will eventually...

Unbridled it depends - some people are online all the time, if he is, and it takes him ages to reply, I'd say thats not great. However others aren't on there every day, esp if he cant get online on his phone or whatever, so a delay is acceptable. I'd say at this stage just play it by ear. It's hard not to be impatient though!

watch - it's a difficult one. I'd probably be fine with someone I knew I really liked even if I could only have a proper "date" with them every other week. But then I haven't been single that long and am enjoying my freedom as well. The really messy house might put me off though. But it's really down to what you're happy with and it sounds like you want more than he may be willing to commit to. It is still early days though. I think you'll just have to see how it goes and trust your instincts.

Pie - LOL at Boots of Doom!

Pixie - I tend to be totally upfront about my kids. It's on my profile and I often mention them early on when chatting to someone new - if it puts them off at least I haven't invested too much time.

Turns out I haven't scared off the new boy on OKC. Not only did he roast a chicken but he made chicken soup with the parts...AND does triathalons! Really? He must just be toying with me. I must remember not to think too much about these things until we've actually met and see what the chemistry is like. The Frenchman sounded all lovely & swoony and then turned out to be skinny with bad teeth and still living with his ex.

Watch, are you sure he's not living with someone? Sounds a bit dodgy, he can rarely meet you, has a ready made excuse for why you can't go to his house, when he does see you it's in your home, and he had to be home by 11? I may be way off the mark, but I would be very suspicious because I am a bitter and twisted cynic .

watch - also thinking about the house thing - one of the things i'm loving about dating men in their 40s is how well house-trained most of them seem to be. After 18 years with someone who didn't barely knew how to use the cooker or the hoover, a man who can cook and clean practically has me in a state of ecstasy!

yoga - hes not far off 40.... you would think he would know better...

he said last night that he knew he would need to sort it out if he met someone, but hadnt. so, just left it.

Im not happy with one date every other week. I dont see how you can build much of a relationship around that, especially so when the things that are keeping him busy are just things that he regulary does... ie - he sees the same friends two or three nights a week, i understand not wanting to let them down, BUT - its not like hes not seeing them at all, just one night a week less.

i didnt reply to his text last night and am firmly leaving the ball in his court. I actually phoned him several times over the weekend to make sure he was ok and to see if he needed anythng. Im not going to be all caring and walked over if i dont actually get to see him, that just makes me a mug.

so sweet - no, i dont know for sure. Ive spoken to him on the phone when hes been at home. and know where he works. His fb hasnt thrown anything up ( that i can see)

but im not going to wind myself in circles trying to figure stuff out. Its too early to be doing that. He either makes an effort to see me, or doesnt. its up to him, and then ill act accordingly. I value myself too much to be a second thought.

snape - thinking of you today - what time are you seeing him?

AND - ive just remembered, friday just gone, we sorted out what we were going to do sat. he said he was really tired, and a meal was difficult on a sat, and the cinema was busy, so did i just fancy chilling out at home. I said no, course not, and i understood.
When i spoke to him sat he said that he had gone out with friends for a meal AND to the cinema fri night.
( before he felt ill)

so he has enough energy for that...but not for seeing me. Actions speaking louder than words etc.... my interest levels have taken a massive nose dive.

Watch - is it possible he just wanted to be alone with you (so he could get a second chance at getting his hands in your boobs??) sorry dont really know...

So got a kind of odd message on okc this morning. It's from A guy I messaged two weeks ago, he hasn't been on since and just replied last night for the first time. Basically I said he had nice eyes, I liked the sound of his profile and wanted to say hi. Here is his reply - is it just me or is there something a little off about it?

"Hi, I guess we have never met before.i liked you,I am interested in knowing you more,I have to start by letting you know me,I'm a widower,i have a daughter,In more details I will tell to you about myself in the following letter if I am interesting to you and you wish to continue our acquaintance!!I'm simple and fun loving man, i live life to its fullest, I'm single ,and i would love to know more about you if you don't mind. but please note that I'm not here for porn's or nasty talk, I'm simple and goal oriented.I got so enthusiastic about you and would really love to know you,i awaits your responds."

?

Yoga - the message is a bit odd. Is English his first language? If it is, very strange. If it isn't, a bit strange but maybe okay . . .

Watch - well, I don't know, it's not sounding too good, is it? Maybe though he's just playing it cool and doesn't want to come across as being needy, maybe he's not really got space in his life for a relationship, or maybe he's just a bit thoughtless and set in his ways. Would it be worth saying to him, "Look, you're a nice guy, but it's not going to work if you have no time to see me" and see what he says? Maybe he doesn't realise it's a problem (but would you want to be with someone who doesn't realise it's a problem?). Personally though I would want to be top priority if it's a man without children, second priority if he's got kids.

id just ignore that yoga. its weird.

Yoga, firstly, English is defo not his first language! What did he look like in his photo. TBH I tend to avoid/ignore these types of messages (I've had a few!) as I feel there is a scam coming up.

western - i agree. and i think thats exactly what im going to say to him. Im going to leave it up to him, see what he comes up with over the weekend,and, if there is no space for me in it, then say that.
and no, if he doesnt see it as a problem, then im not going to date him either.

Also remembering he said on date 3 i think it was, how he usually blows it by treating women as friends, not girlfriends. I dismissed it at the time, but, maybe there is something in that.

That's exactly what I thought about english maybe not being his first language but it sounds totally different from his profile. I don't know how on my phone but maybe I could PM one of u later and get a second opinion on his profile before I decide whether to reply...?

Meanwhile chicken soup boy is sounding interesting.

Off for another job interview this morning (as I still don't know about the other one). I have to give a presentation. Ugh. I'm ready for it just hate that sort of thing.

yoga ... that's a classic scammer message. Ignore, block, delete, just don't engage.

Watch I think the comment about treating girlfriends as friends is really interesting particularly given the ahem lack of interest in your frontage the other night. That just isn't normal in my view, most men would have realised you were interested and definitely reciprocated, even if things didn't get very far because of your dd being in the house. I'm wondering if there's something going on there? Not sure what, but maybe some ishooooos?

And if he's self-aware enough to realise why he usually blows it, then why on earth doesn't he do something about it?

Yoga loads of good luck for this morning and knock 'em dead with that presentation! You go girl.

Watch - I would be thinking the same way as you. If he isn't making time to see you, there isn't much chance of a relationship developing. And as Time once said to me, men tell you who they are, you just have to listen. He has said about treating women as friends...nice but you aren't after another friend are you?

I also agree with thinking he should be wanting to see you more.

Yoga I agree he sounds like a scammer. IME they are always widowers with daughters and v poor english. I'd delete and block him immediately.

Watch I think Western's idea is a good one, see what he says in response. Being busy, having a great social life, not wanting to appear too available etc, I can understand all that BUT he needs to make some time to see you at the absolute minimum once a week. And not just sitting round at yours either.

So...day 4 on MSF. No messages.

I have however decided to put myself back on POF, but with VERY strict criteria. Anyone who sends me a dodgy pic, or asks for one is instantly deleted, as is anyone who calls me hun, makes any kind of inappropriate suggestion, tells me they love me before we've even met, or generally seems a bit thick. So far I have one offer of a date (but I suspect he may well commit one of the above crimes before that happens in which case there will be no date!). I have also sent several messages, no replies.

western, i was thinking the same. what with that,and the comment, and being overly busy. Probably explains why he is single...

but whatever the case, if he wanted to see me, he would. He would make the effort. I made the effort this weekend, got a babysitter, re arranged plans to fit him in.
I think that if hes choosing a curry with someone hes only known 6 weeks, who hes also seeing socially the night before, over a date with some girl, whos interested in him, then that says it all. Hes not interested and hes not the man for me.

good luck yoga!!!!!!

Watch I agree with you and Fate.

Hey Lubey goes everything going with you?

glad you all agree.
least i know im thinking correctly :)

i even told him im childfree from thur eve to sunday eve - which i am.
Sat night, when i called him to see how he was, he said we would make the most of next weekend and definatley do something. But then yesterday he said he couldnt do thur eve as its open day at school ( fair enough) friday after teacher training day it usually ends in a boozy meal/ night out. and then sat hes having another meal/ booze with this guy teacher who hes also seeing on the friday.

i was disappointed and like ' oh'
i didnt really know what to say.

bugger it, i deserve better than that.

should i wait it out till nearer the end of the week and see what he does? then say something based on that?

or just send something now?

sponge - good plan. dud you try okc in your area?
:)

Watch you do deserve better than that. He's a twit!