Red shoes, charming lesbians and pirates with taste...Dating Thread 24

[ChaoticismyLife]

It's the best I could come up with

As you were...

Snape, it is truly beautiful. If I were you, I'd give it to him, then borrow it back to tout around publishers!

I really (really, really) don't want to piss on your chips, but please be prepared for a platonic reaction (I love it, because you're my best friend in the world and no one loves me like you do). If he's not got the message yet, this might not do it. I hope it does.

By the way, I got a message from a 19 year old on POF (I'm 42), is this a record?

hmmm, i think i know why the pirate has been single for ages. he has NO TIME.
ever.
Didnt see him this weekend, due to puking.
Hes not free any night this week. friday hes going out with work, which is a typical thing, always happens.
Sat he has said he will go for a curry with someone whos got this thing on on sat, and then is coming back here, and wants to have a curry to celebrate, with 4 or so people who are out on the friday.

so- hes not really free, but did say maybe i could go along to the meal thing. or, we should just keep in touch over the week and try and find some time. WTF!

or - he COULD be free, if he wanted to. he doesnt have to go to either thing, but said he doesnt like letting people down.

i think if there is no effort so early on, then its not going to really go very far.
( and to be honest, reminds me of the puppy)

what do you all reckon?
am i being too precious?

Mm, has he been single for a while? It could just be that he's worked hard to cultivate a busy life and wants to protect his investment? He could cancel, but then he has invited you along. That's a good sign, isn't it? Didn't you say that he's told friends about you? Perhaps he's trying to get you to meet them?

Hello ladies please help me I really am not getting very far on pof, I have yet to get someone to ask me out and if I suggest meeting up that seems to scare them off as well!!

Where am I going wrong?? All 3 of my friends keep telling me to go on match.com, will it make much of a difference?

ive not been invited, it was more a ' i supose you could come along, i dont know how you feel about that when we are just getting to know each other'
its not even a proper friend, its a new teacher who only started in sept, so hes only known him a few weeks.
the teacher has a hobby competetiion thing in the afternoon, and is coming back to this town in the evening, with 2 friends who also do this hobby ( that pirate has no interest in, as he told me) and one other teacher from school.

surely i should come up a bit higher than that? especially since he hasnt seen me this weekend. AND then wont see me for another week?

I feel like just leaving the ball in his court and maybe being less communative/ understanding.
because i feel a bit like a spare wheel.

Snape - you are so brave and wonderful!

Fayster - 19? Well done!

Watch - hmm, I don't know you may be being a bit precious. I would be more wary of someone who had no social life aside from me or who was willing to drop their friends at the first hint of a new relationship....? But just my opinion. The general consensus usually disagrees with me!

Well I may have scared my new OKC friend away. Apparently last night he fixed a car (man's man), fixed a computer (geeky man), made homemade soup (new age man) and roasted a chicken (and all this on top of having 50% custody of 2 young children). It was the roast chicken that did it for me. I suggested that even if didn't like me maybe he could come be my housekeeper. I WAS joking and I told him I was joking but no word since!

AND this weekend, we were just going to hang out at mine with a dvd and a takeaway AGAIN, because he was tired from being out all week.
I had said about going to his, but he said it was too much of a mess to tidy up so easier to come to mine.
He confessed on the phone just now that previously his messy house has been a problem in relationships and people try to make him tidy up.

essentially, i feel, after only 4 dates, that no effort at all is being made. and im not impressed at all.

Hello ladies, can I join you? I've been lurking for a few days and think it might be time to introduce myself! I've recently ventured out into the world of online dating (I'm on match), so far it's been a mixed bag. I've met a guy who seems to have become a 'friend with benefits' which isn't really what I was looking for. He is jaw droppingly gorgeous and sweet, but I think he's scared off a relationship because of my children.

All the men I like seem to be terrified of the fact I have children. Has anyone else found this?

Any general tips to help me survive the online dating world?!

Ohhhh snape. That is so beautiful. Please be in love with me and make me one!

Calling it the notebook of dooooom makes me giggle a bit, purely because of my old thing about 'the purchase of doooom' much harped on about between me and my best mate. Basically it's any item purchased for a date or person you are dating, and it all goes tits up shortly after the purchase. Usually Purchases of doom are made amid excitement at this cool new person in your life, and then when it's all gone wrong you want to burn them/stamp on them/throw them out/ sneer at them a lot.

My purchases of doooooom include...

• Petal cleanse anti cat allergy laundry and home stuff, because one poor chap was very allergic to my cats. He dumped me before I got the chance to use any of it

• A turkish teapot and tea glasses set when my turkish ex bf was bringing me some turkish tea back from visiting family. He moved to turkey shortly after.

• Gorgeous new underwear for fourth date with McTwab who dumped me a week after getting into aforementioned underwear

Both me and best mate had a run of this happening... excitement, new bloke, purchase, tits up.

Hasn't happened to me for a while though! bet it does again if I am ever dating again though

watch I would be in the same boat as your pirate .. I organise things for my days off well in advance and I wouldn't cancel my friends for a date! I would expect the date to be organised around prior commitments .. I would have more of a problem with him if he ditched his pals for a 'better offer' .. It shows he is loyal :-)

Hello and welcome Girlie and Pixie - lovely to see you in here.

I don't think Match is all that different to PoF except you pay! I did okay in PoF and didn't get any dodgy photos etc. I think you have to be really selective who you message/reply to and you will be fine. Probably a good idea to have an idea of what you want and don't want clear in your head beforehand.

My main piece of advice would be to treat it lightly and not invest too much emotionally in it in the early stages especially before you meet. I'm sure you will get lots of help and support on here. I don't know what I'd have done without my friends on this thread to hold my hand and cheer me on. Thanks everyone!

yes, but is there any point in him being loyal if we dont actually get to see each other?

As in, if we arent actually managing the time to see each other, because hes busy with friends, then whats the point, i cant see one.

i could see him any night this week, i told him so, but hes busy all of them. Then said friday was work pub booze thing. He had said about making up for this weekend with something good, but then said he forgot he had this curry plan with this other work friend ( who hes only known 6 weeks)

Im then away for a week, and then not childfree, with no baby sitting chances for 10 days.

i dont see the point, and i dont want to date someone when the ONLY dates are in my house,on my sofa, in front of a dvd.

i might be being a bit precious, but how long should i wait between dates without seeing him, before it becomes an issue and i feel like a girl on the side lines?

Watch hmm I don't know. It's good that he's sociable and doesn't want to let people down, but I can see how it's not very encouraging and difficult to see how he can have a relationship if he's always this busy. Is this just a bad week?

I don't like the sound of his house being so messy it's problematic, though. I am miles away from being housekeeper of the year, but it would really put me off if someone was living in Victorian squalor.

What matters, though, is how you feel about it all and if you're happy with how things are going.

That made me laugh, lubey! I've done similar - went out and bought some new walking boots to impress a very fit prospective chap - only to have the date cancelled and never re-scheduled! Booooots Of Dooooom! Sheesh!

western - nope, always seems like this.
He asked me out, then wasnt free for two weeks, even though i tried to be very accomadating.

he did cancel the friday pub thing one week, on our third date.

last week he had no free time at all, but popped round after band one night , so, 8:30om, but had to leave by 11.

andt then i got a baby sitter, but was ill this weekend.
he has no free time this week ( though again, he could come round after band, but i dont want him to really, i dontwant to be the second best)

and then doesnt really seem to be free this weekend, despite texting yesterday that he promises to make next weekend great to make up for it.

I think he actually doesnt really want any kind of relationship, but maybe just thinks he does.
or has been single too long.

the house will annoy me. Im not the tidiest person, but i am clean. he said he has 3 bikes in his living room and cant sit on the sofa because its ful of paper/ books/ etc.

I think im just going to pull back a whole lot, leave the ball in his court. If he makes some kind of effort ill see him again, but if he doesnt, then i wont.

Thats reasonable, isnt it?

OR - the other thing could be that hes not actually into me at all.

Sorry Watch it does sound pretty problematic. Must say I would want to be a high priority with someone, the obvious exception being their time with their children. Being squeezed in after band practice as an extra cant-wait-to-see-you type meet up would be okay but not as the main event for that week's dating. It's all about valuing yourself properly, isn't it, and making sure other people do the same.

How long is it since he's been in a relationship, do you know? Sounds like he has a bachelor lifestyle, house and all!

Oh blimey I'm never going to keep up with you lot. Have skimmed a bit, caught the converstion about height. Personally I fancy tall men, but I think that's because al the men in my family are short. So, to me bantam 5'9 IS tall! (I'm also short).

I have been messaged a very nice man, he is 5'6, which means he is a good few inches taller than me, but obviously to most other people that's short. To be honest, I'd rather go out with someone short and lovely than someone taller I didn't like as much.

So, dating news, have been messaging someone really nice, he's near enough and he's just suggesting maybe meeting up. Ticks many boxes- including already got kids. I hadn't even realised that mattered to me until I was looking at profiles and my heart would sink a bit if I saw they didn't have kids already.

Someone please save me spending the evening reading the whole thread, any juicy gosssip? Eiepie have you seen him yet? Parsley how are you feeling about having your photo up, is it still there? and what about the notebook????

Sounds reasonable to me watch it doesn't sound like he's making a great deal of effort to make time for you but...that might just be his nature? If you leave it to him and he doesn't step up, you'll have your answer. 3 bikes in the living room/nowhere to sit smacks of bachelor-gaff to me!

red had a pretty crappy lonely weekend and couldn't be arsed with any of the messagers this evening - so probably hacked them all off - still, you know what they say 'Plenty Of no-hopers In The Sea!

Snape notebook is a thing of beauty. Hope it does the trick - though honestly I cant see how it could fail!

Watch Pirate sounds like he's becoming hard work. I'm not sure that its that hes not into you, I suspect more of a 'set in his ways' situ. Which honestly you don't want to get into. One of my friends is now living with a guy whose house is (apparently) a tip - she has been living there for 6 months and not managed to clear out one room yet, we asked if we could come round and see her and she said sometime next year...honestly you can do without lumbering yourself with someone like that! I think pull back and see what happens - he might actually think that he needs to sort himself out and make the effort, or he might just keep bobbing along as he is...wait and see. But at least you know its on your terms etc.

Not much to report here. Still no messages on MSF...

no- i dont feel that hes making much effort really.
I dont mind a pop round date, thats fine. but as you say, not as a main date.
Now, i understand that he was ill this weekend, but then shouldnt he be trying to make time for me next weekend?

I sort of feel that he cant be that interested, nor value anything at all, if he cant be bothered to make any kind of effort, to put himself out at all.

i dont know how long he has been single, but i suspect a while..... and his house does sound quite bad.

im not even a high maintance type person, but, after the puppy who made an effort for the first month, then descended into crapness, with me running him about everwhere, cooking and providing free room and board, then i dont want to get into that again.
Its all great me going, ' oh, its ok, i understnad, you have fun' but i dont actually get to go on a date with him, you know and just sit at home on my own.

cheers sponge.

i just think that, yes, its single, and does what he likes. And it seems he pretty much does somethine with friends every night.
last week he had dinner at a friends monday - tues was parents even. wed he came here after band ( which is weekly) thur he had a work theatre trip, which was social. friday he went for a meal and to the cinema, again with work friends.
all fine, BUT - hes seeing these friends regulary. is it really too much to ask if he could see me one night instead? its not like its a major night out planned and im asking him to choose, but he does work social things at least twice a week.......

i just think if he WANTED to, he would see me.

essentially, i shouldnt be feeling like this 4 dates in. he either pulls his socks up or hes out.