Red shoes, charming lesbians and pirates with taste...Dating Thread 24

[ChaoticismyLife]

It's the best I could come up with

As you were...

Well I would date you sponge!

Sponge, thats amazing :). Its really good. You just sound fab ( not that you didnt before!)
Have you put it up yet? Have you written your bit?

Aww, that sounds great. So many of those blurbs are just dull and could be anyone, but that gives a real flavour of you.

Just a minor style point, 2 'catch'es in the final paragraph. Can't imagine anyone will notice, so please feel free to ignore me!

Sponge you sound utterly fabulous, I feel like I actually know you from that profile - anyone who finds it a bit daunting will be instantly weeded out, leaving those who are worthy of you in awe, queuing up for dates.

If I go back on POF one day I'm getting you lot to write me a profile too!

Morning

Just had a phone call from MrLocal. He's not happy that I text him to cancelled our coffee date for this morning (I genuinely had to make a doctors appointment. They gave me an appt 10 minutes (and 10 miles away) from our rendezvous 'area'). I say 'area' because when I suggested a coffee in Bury St Edmunds , he didn't know where to meet because he 'doesn't go in those sort of places" (?!) and didn't offer up any alternative venues. I'd suggested a coffee in a pub a few miles from us both but he said, as he was working in Bury, could we meet there? No probs said I, being amenable. We've only been in contact since Tuesday and he's saying that as he's only two minute away and I haven't made the effort to see him and he knew I was going to cancel that I'm not really interested. Having said that, I'd first suggested a firm date next Tuesday and it was him pushing for a daytime date beforehand). In a short, curt call he said he's going to call it a day - key dokey!

Lucky escape methinks! But, still.

gah - sorry pie.Its exhausting, isnt it. or exhasberating. or both. Probably a lucky escape, but well, its just crap.

feeling like shit today. New job starts next week, and to be honest, im just embarassed by it. I know im lucky to have got a job, but its yet again another slide down the career ladder, which, for me peaked aged 23... before i gave it all up to support dh in his ( and did crap jobs) its just never where i saw myself. ever. It makes me cry, even though im trying to be positive about it.
and im sick of always being skint and not seeing how thats ever going to change.
and, after some fb stalking ( which should be banned really) i feel angry and upset that im not one of the happy, glam families, spending time with other happy, glam families, in a sea of fucking boden. with attentive husbands who are also great dads. ( funny how you can not feel that for a year and then suddenly from knowhere it bites you in the arse)

:(

Morning all

My Times profile went up with a photo last night (kindly taken by DS(12)). I explained that I had no nice photos and he said 'Why, are you going on Match.com?' That's a bit bloody intuitive when I have never mentioned OD within earshot!

I now have 4 fans. One is a 64 year old man who lives 140 miles away and another is a 28 year old transvestite. Seriously. I'm 45 early forties BTW. But hey... fans are fans I suppose!!!

sponge lovely profile! :) well done team!

Pie what a lot of work he was going to be! what a RELIEF!

no news from me, work problems trundle on - meant to be going to lesbian thingy tonight with PM + chums to kick-off his birthday weekend. I am sitting at my work desk wearing a 3/4 sleeved tight-as-fuck animal print mid-thigh dress and boots. I dont do things by halves.

Sorry EiePie. It's not fair is it?

Watch at work I sit next to a lovely lady who has been married for 15 years and is very, very happy with her (also lovely) husband and speaks to him on the phone a couple of times a day. I know it's wrong to be jealous, but I am. And I'm at the stage where I have to grit my teeth when loved up, hand-holdy couples walk past.

im not even jealous. im just bitter :)

i think its probably more about the job thing really. and the money. Lord, i cant even tell you how sick i am of having none.
( and even though i got a pay off from my old job, ive now found that my housing benefit will stop for that period because of that, so, my pay off wasnt actually worth anything, none of the fighing at all, i may have just as well rolled over and let myself be kicked)

Watch I'm so sorry. I really hope it works out. Kinda puts other stuff into perspective.

it just feels like an uphill struggle, that no matter what i do, i cant win. and end up on the bottom again. thats all.

just, i fought for that pay off, hard. for two months. i threw everything i had at trying to sort it. I ended up with scabs in my hair from scratching myself till i bled in my sleep. I was so stressed i couldnt really function, didnt sleep, brain wouldnt shut down. I fought as if i hadnt of, it would have been a real possibility i would have lost my house, i wouldnt have been entitled to any benefits as it would have been deemed i had made my self unemployed ( it was a set up) and my sheer determiniation i got another job, even though its even shitter than the one i had before... but thought it was better than nothing. and now my pay off money ( which wasnt a lot, but when you have none, anything is a lot) has now got to go back, pretty much. Ive spent most of it, paid debts, brought practical things for dd and i that were needed. had one nice day out. and somehow ive got to pay it back, when my wages from my new job will be a grand total of about £550 a month.
:(

i just actually give up.it just feels so utterly pointless. aged 23 i was a accont exe. earning rather a lot. now, age 34 im going to be working in a fucking shop.

worse is i tried to do full time and a more career type job, ended up having a break down as i couldnt handle it.

So, im just stuck, ,doing shit arse jobs. for no money. while i try and convince myself its ok. Its not.

Snape those poor lesbians!

Pie sounds like a lucky escape indeed.

watch Hugs. Sympathy. I really know how you feel. At 24 I gave up a chance of a PhD so DH (we weren't even married yet at the time) could do HIS postdoc (having already moved so he could finish HIS PhD). At 31 I gave up a less than glamorous but really well paying job to look after our family and work for HIS business. And now here I am at 41, no job, no money and struggling to even get an interview. This job prospect may turn things around for me but if I don't get it I am so fucked. DH just took the kids to London to stay in a 4 star hotel for the week and I'm wondering if I can even manage to take them out to dinner. Chin up & stay strong!!! And just remember not all those happily marrieds are so happily married as they seem (especially the ones that are Bodened from head to toe!). xx

Watch - how about going to college? I stopped and looked at myself in may. Working as a bartender...rubbish money, rubbish hours and I was a supervisor dealing with drunk people for hours...it had its fun points but I didn't want to do it forever. So I went to college and I am loving it. Aiming for my degree in three years time and already starting to put together plans for my own business. I spent years telling myself I couldn't manage college because of finaces, so many kids etc...but if you really want it enough you can do it.

As for glam families, I am happy for them. But it wouldn't be me. All relationships have ever done for me is hold me back and repress me. I know I just do life better without the hassles relationships inevitably bring.

I am a firm believer in life is what you make it. If you don't like where you are now, get a plan together and do it, no matter what. You are only early thirties, plenty of time to retrain in something and meet someone for long term one day.

Dont get me wrong, on occasion I see a happy family all together and feel sad things didn't work out that way for me and mine, but that's just the way things panned out. No point dwelling and feeling down, better to focus on where you are now and what you want your future.

hmm - ive done plenty of work with people that have degrees ( or at a higher level than them, despite being the same age), no offence to you doing yours fate, kudos to you :) but i dont think it necessarily matters in todays ( or even 5 years ago, ) job market. Ive a wealth of experience in good jobs, and a ton of skills and good qualifications. I just cant work full time at the momment, not being a lone parent with a young child, there isnt enough me to go around and i burn out quite quickly. Its that that is holding me back........ part time is always shit jobs for shit money.
Thing is, although his might all be changing - unless you are earning a very high hourly wage ( probably not in my area of the uk) then, you arent financially much better off, because you just lose any hb/ tax credits. So - you are working your arse off, for essentially the same as what you would get had you of worked part time. its ridiclous.

its kind of that that fucks me off. i cant improve my situation. not by much, not enough to make a difference. and that my fighting tooth and nail, with literally every fibre of my being, again, resulted in nothing. I thought i had one, but i hadnt.
its bollocks.

( just, not only had i of had a partner for suport during that time, it would have been nice, but had i not ohave been claiming housing benefit, then i would have been able to bank that money, esp since i got myself a new job really quickly, it took me 5 days, thats impressive! but instead, its almost like im peanilised, yet again, for being on my own)

won - not one.
gah

watch alright it's a fucking shop, but it's a 'naice' fucking shop. you'll do well. you'll rise up.

But i totally get what you mean - i've started sneering at people on the tube with their arms around each other or holding hands on their walk to work and I can't stop myself sneering. I am exhausted, I've done this on my own for 12 years now. you're not alone. I love my job, I make a difference, I may well be homeless by christmas.

this is a good campaign

LOL, just got a Boden voucher in the post!

Ooh, good link Snape, will have a look later (running out now to get some shopping in before kids get back). Watch - the part time job thing is definitely a huge hurdle as I've discovered. But as single parents working full time is almost impossible. It's very hard.

Morning all.

Watch that sounds terrible for you. I don't know what you're going through, but other on here do, so if it helps, keep posting about it.

EiePie what an idiot. Lucky escape.

The degree will likely help in at least lending some credibility to what I am planning. But I am not doing the degree for that reason alone. The other reason I want the degree is for me. I want the achievement.

I do get what you mean. The reason it took me so long to get back to work after the four kids was because it just wasn't worth it financially. However when I did start working again I realised it gives you a lot more than just money. Something to focus on, new social circle, confidence...lots of things. That made it worthwhile to me.

What is this pay out and why do you have to pay it back now?

profile is up...now to wait for the flood of responses (haha)

watch that's so rubbish re money and everything :( is there any way of not having to repay the HB money?

I know I am lucky in having what people think of as a good job, but the flip side is the hours, and because I'm saddled with a massive mortgage (thanks Evil Ex - who of course pays me nothing either) after I've paid that and all my basic bills (train fare, phone, gas/elec, water, council tax etc) I end up with about £100 a week for food, clothes, holidays and everything else. It's a good job I can't drive as I couldn't afford to run a car too.

its a long story. Basically, in a nut shell, work wanted to gross misconduct me for something i hadnt done. They didnt have any proof i had done it, despite making ' evidence' up, their ' evidence ' was either discredited by another bit of their ' evidence' or it was a total fabrication, which i could easily prove ( such as saying i had downloaded pictures of my family, my boss said she recognised them as my family, therefore it was proof i had done it - it wasnt my family, i could have taken all my family members to show them it wasnt)
Anyway - this went on for 2 and a bit months, suspension etc... i was at solicitors, cab, friends pulled string with union reps, i researched on the internet. lots of letters/ emails to and fro, each one taking about 80 hours or so work for me to do. Then the big case, hours of work.
ended up they realised they had nothing on me and paid me off.
i had realised i was out long before, and on a whim applied and got a new job in 5 days :)
also at this time ex dh was being an arse, and threatening to knock down my door and take DD, was being harrassing/ verbally abusive.
essentially it was shit.
ive only just had the money come through.

I used it to pay a loan, pay my mum back, brought us both some new boots ( dds were too small and my sole had literally fallen off)

brought a cheap laptop and had a day out.
thats it.

Ive got to pay back my hb etc from then.im not getting next months, so im going to have to take out another loan as my wages dont even cover my rent!
Then, somehow ive got to find money to pay HB back. which i cant afford to do, so again, will need another loan - which i cant afford the monthly repayments on... and so, im screwed.

i cant even work more hours at new job, because then again, they take more off you for HB etc....

so - there is literally nothing i can do. im just stuck.

snape - good campaigne. will join :) . its the most ridiclous thing, at your level, that you could end up homeless. while actually working.
i dont even know what to say, because there is no answer, and you cant really do anything about it.

yoga - the part time thing is impossible. Time was talking to me about this last week, shes looking for work, she said she will do anything, even full time, as there is a lack of part time jobs. they did her figures for her,and worked out, if she was doing full tme she would be £15 a week better off. and thats all. For not being about for her child. for doing it all on her own. just £15. they told her its not worth it.
£18, 000 is a good full time wage in this area. If i was lucky enough to get a job on that, then i wouldnt get any help. Id be no better off at all, to diong a shit job. it makes NO sense. None at all.
And while i understnad its career building, for me, its not worth it.

fate - ive worked since dd was under 1. quite why, im not sure.....

my new job is only 16 hours a week :( shocking.
perhaps i need to do something in those other hours...

jesus sponge - essentially thats what i have. And yet you work your arse off AND are a bloody lawyer for gods sake.

what is wrong with the country.

seriously. im now not upset, but damn angry.
fucks sake.

how does that make ANY sense. It just doesnt.
ggrrrrr,i hate it. HATE it, how women are left, picking up the shit. financially paying for the utter male shits that put them in that position.

No - i have to pay it. Ill of course appeal, but, yeah.....

good luck with the profile. Did you use that lovely pic from the weekend?

Mac - how did your date go last night???

Thing is, we're all too busy working, keeping house, looking after Dcs to dress up as wonder-woman and chain ourselves to parliament. what is we walked away? what is we failed to financially support our children? (am including dads with parental care in that as well...you get my drift..)

I have holes in my one pair of sensible work shoes. I'm wearing my winter-boots today as it's lesbian charming day, but god forbid I run into a minister...) DS2 wants to go ice skating on sunday with his friends, that's £15. I have £47 to last me until tuesday - child benefit day. I've put this weks shopping on the very nearly at it's limit credit card - that'll probably get me an over-limit charge. The DSs have one set of school trousers each, that get washed on a wednesday night and dried on a radiator. They've both shot up so we are currently sharing my running trainers between three of us. (Then DS2 left them in school...) All meat is yellow-ticket meat (PM and I send each other photos of our yellow ticket cheapest purchases...)and this is with work paying my expenses.

I've always worked full time, i'm exhausted.