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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Red shoes, charming lesbians and pirates with taste...Dating Thread 24

999 replies

ChaoticismyLife · 15/10/2012 16:36

It's the best I could come up with Grin

As you were...

OP posts:
Walkacrossthesand · 18/10/2012 14:53

I'm loving seeing mumsnet writing a 'my single friend' profile! Sponge, as another long-term singleton, I just wanted to say that it's good to focus on being happy single, alongside OD etc. 2 reasons - (1) because if we are happy, we are more attractive to guys people we meet; (2) because we can't control whether or not we meet someone, so we might as well try to be happy as we are! Bit PollyAnna-ish I know, but I remind myself that hundreds of thousands of women had to live as singles after the 1st world war, so our plight isn't new. Good luck!

Yogagirl17 · 18/10/2012 15:10

Senior dating is over 40? Angry

Hows science boy MadameO?

(enjoying the profile writing - keep going watch, your doing great)

watchoutforthatsnail · 18/10/2012 15:41

football loving, towie watching, lawyer, with a weekness for beer, cheese and good conversation....''

yes, you read that right, my lovely friend sponge is all of these things, wrapped up on one fantastic package.

Sponge is stunningly beautiful, but i dont need to tell you that, you can see that your self from her pictures. What you cant (yet) see, if how utterly charming, kind and fun she is. She enjoyes both the high and low brow and you can guarantee any time spent with her is an absolute pleasure

Sponge not only finds the time for a cracking job in the city,she always makes time for those close to her and is a sparky mum to two teenage boys something has to give though, so, and forgive me sponge, but shes allergic to mud and has a rather rambling garden; so if you are handly with a spade do let her know and you might get repaid in some hearty home cooking. or a waitrose meal for two, but whats a few bits of packaging when the wine is flowing.

needs more work i think?

ParsleyTheLioness · 18/10/2012 15:42

I did say about 5 oclock this morning that I am widening my search to include non-graduates, and for the reasons stated later, but its a fast thread, so hard to keep track of. What I will add, is that my first husband was a graduate, and an emotional abuser, and another significant relationship with a graduate did not end well as he was emotionally withholding. Sometimes 'normal' guys are equally, or sometimes more bright...some of it is just that you are not born into a family where it is expected you go to university. I wasn't, but I went as a mature student partly because of where I was in life and that time, and partly because of exh who was an intellectual snob. It's the only thing I have to thank him for. Give me 'normal' and straightforward over graduate and 'complicated' (for which read Ishoos) any day. I might add, that I obviously did not always think this way..

JoylessFucker · 18/10/2012 16:11

As people are sticking their heads over the parapet with the advice giving, maybe I could put in a word or two?

Firstly, I see a lot of advice about keeping profiles short & light-hearted, not 'giving too much away'. I'm afraid that I disagree: I think the best profiles give a genuine flavour of you ... mine do and whilst I don't get much in the way of mail, I do get second dates ... in fact, many of my second dates morph into short-term relationships. Thing is - I'm over 50, I'm fat, I have short grey hair & I'm not pretty (yes, of course I have qualities but this isn't about me or my self-esteem). The point is that I'm not an easy sell and the people who talk to me do so because they find me attractive and/or interesting ... rather than some bland or sanitised version of me. They are drawn to what they see in my profile and as I'm pretty much what I say on the tin (and my photos are accurate & recent - I also advocate complete honesty about the basics of height, body type, age etc), its tends to go well. Yes, I've been involved with a couple of men who were less than hunks, but the last one was 6'4, broad shouldered and head-turningly good looking. So, showcase the real you in your profile is my first bit of advice. BTW, I love what watch has suggested for sponge - particularly the idea of opening with those contradictions that make sponge unique.

Secondly, the paying sites. Yes, they're expensive, but they do have a better quality of members (generally). For example, I've never seen any of the hun 'n babe brigade on the Times, Telegraph or Guardian. There are very few players as why bother to pay to play when you can get playtime for free. There are even fewer scammers but I'm sure we're all wise to the warnings signs there and can easily step over them. The sites I've mentioned all allow you to put up a profile, browse profiles, 'favourite' or 'like' members, as well as read any messages you've been sent. You have to pay to message anything other than a selection of one-liners. Personally I recommend something called London Dating which is fronted by Time Out but puts your profile into the databases of the Times, the Telegraph as well as Time Out itself. If you join up and do nothing for a while (perhaps don't load a photo, write only the bare minimum), the site will get around to offering you a discount on membership at which time you can give it you full attention. You can also record a voice message either to support your online profile, or to be put into Time Out's listings - but you may get a more ooooo errrrr response to those (or perhaps I'm just lucky that way!) The membership deal is competitive when compared to the Guardian who are monsterously expensive. My two longest online dating relationships came via this site but I'd also chuck in a word for Love & Friends. It is a bit London/SE-centric though and is not as good as it once was. There are far too many wonderful women on there so the men can really pick & choose. You can use it in a limited way for free but the membership rates are lower than most of the pay sites.

Of course the two people I'm currently talking to are both from OKCupid but there's nothing wrong with spreading yourself about a bit is there ...

FateLovesTheFearless · 18/10/2012 16:12

Another one agreeing with going for the wrong type. My four serious exes all had issues one way or another. My type doesnt seem to have much to do with looks at all, I find someone attractive based on their personality no matter how much of a cliche that is. Exes and ONS have come in all sorts of shapes and sizes. However they have all had something going on, depression, addiction, martyr mentality. I seem to end up with those that need me more than I need them.

However new lad is very different. He isn't a loner, has a strong group of friends, active hobbies, enthusiasm and is so much fun. He doesn't need me. If that makes sense. He always seems happy and relaxed. It's a breath of fresh air but very far removed from my 'usual'. I have never seen anyone younger than me either, all exes were older by some years.

So it's worth trying something a bit different in my book sponge. Hopefully with watch's profile help things will look up soon :)

watchoutforthatsnail · 18/10/2012 16:26

joyless, i think the short but sweet profiles work well on the free sites. I do think on a paid site, then a longer profile is better.
BUT - in a few of ours experiences, paid sites dont really offer up much better men. However, i have only tried match - most of who were also on pof ( with the same theory - its free, so why not)

ALSO - it very much depends where in the country you are. if you are in london, or a big city, then great. I looked at GS and i think there were 3 men in a 10 year age range.... so, not worth paying £30 or whatever a month for, even those they might have been more likely to be my type.

sponge is unique and i think thats amazing and is actually more likely to get her more attention than less, its just hitting the right kind of man.

fate - glad hes different.. :)

was thinkiing about pirate earlier. i think i might have been overly harsh/ too frustrated last night. Im looking at this the wrong way i think. He clearly fancies and likes me. I should be pleased hes not desperatley trying to get into my pants. and for gods sake, it was only the 4th time ive met him....

FateLovesTheFearless · 18/10/2012 16:31

Watch - I think you are right. It's hard when you're frustrated to not get a tad irrational Grin I am sure if you had stripped yourself off and thrown yourself at him, the response would have been enthusiastic. Enjoy the anticipation! Wink

ParsleyTheLioness · 18/10/2012 16:32

watch Match.com or Match.Affinity?

Scattylatte · 18/10/2012 16:40

Another senior here...

I have had a look a mysinglefriend and Sponge, you can just make up your own profile and pretend its from your friends. Give yourself a glowing report.

If my friends were honestly to give their opinion of me they would say I am not very good at keeping in touch with them, flightly, prone to changing my mind at the last minute, harsh about other peoples faults, untidy, leave everything to the last minute, use many swear words in private (not so much in public), often late and the last time they saw me I was snogging a 23 year old sparky outside the toilets.

Id have to do my own profile.

Nearly all of those men I contacted on POF hadnt been out on a date in over 5 months. Its an absoulte fallacy they are busy getting out there and dating.
So, when they vanish its probably because they actually dont date which is what I thought anyway. 3 or 4 want to meet me know..all of a sudden. One said if I was desperate, he would go out for a drink with me. Self esteem issues nothanks

Watch, I dont know. Maybe, being a teacher he is so caught up with boundaries he is programmed NEVER to cross them.

ParsleyTheLioness · 18/10/2012 16:44

Anyone know the difference between Match.com and Match.Affinity?

EiePie · 18/10/2012 16:49

'Fraid so, MadameO!

EiePie · 18/10/2012 16:49

Parsley I think they are sister sites - and I think there might be a few more affiliated too.

watchoutforthatsnail · 18/10/2012 16:57

I think pirate is just a decent sort really. Has text me to say how great it was to see me last night and that hes really happy and cant wait to see me sat. I should stop being so ' easy' lol

Yogagirl17 · 18/10/2012 17:12

Well, I just wrote a profile....for a bunch of manky old much loved garden toys I'm trying to get rid of on gumtree! Maybe I'll have better luck with that than with OD. Grin

MacAndCheese · 18/10/2012 17:47

Yoga Grin it's all in the description.

Eg "short hair" = balding

Got to sell yourself as I keep being told Hmm

MacAndCheese · 18/10/2012 17:56

On another note... Date tonight. I don't know what to wear Confused

Yogagirl17 · 18/10/2012 18:08

What are you doing and what number date is it?

MadameOvary · 18/10/2012 18:12

Yoga he is great thanks, have decided I am going to refer to him differently though. Not decided on a name yet, but I'll call him Lovely Normal Man for now, because through no fault of his I get nervous in what seems to be a joyously "normal" relationship
I collaborated with a band this last year, and the album launch is on Friday. He's going to be there and will drive me home, and then we have the whole night on Sunday. Woo Hoo!

I cant really add much useful to the talk of profiles, I was hopeless, rewrote my profile all the time. I probably came across like someone with a personality disorder Hmm

MacAndCheese · 18/10/2012 18:45

Yoga we're going out for dinner and it's date no 2.

Ooh Madame that sounds great! Smile and it doesn't come across like that at all in my head. I'm forever tweaking mine. I'd be more unnerved if the profile never changed. But that's probably because I'm all "we're all constantly changing" with my outlook.

Yogagirl17 · 18/10/2012 18:52

Mac - probably something nice but not too dressy (sorry that probably sounds totally obvious!) - soemthing in between jeans and a dress? For me that would be maybe leggings with boots & a nice top.

Madame - Good luck with album launch, that's awesome! And lovely normal man sounds...well, lovely. Smile

MacAndCheese · 18/10/2012 18:53

And I've just managed to get hairspray in my eye. Attractive. Hmm

ParsleyTheLioness · 18/10/2012 19:14

Okay, I've just had this message from a charmer on Match. I have c & p'd it...

i like your profile that i had to send you a message ,looks and size don,t matter its the person inside that matters .i would love to hear from you

How could I possibly resist, the smooth talking bastard...Shock

MacAndCheese · 18/10/2012 19:17

Ooh Yoga that's uncanny. Jeans, boots, nice top & blazer. I'll be fine as long as I don't go near an open flame. Grin

Have a nice evening everyone!

ParsleyTheLioness · 18/10/2012 19:18

Quick, someone, anyone, what can I reply...is this message, well, normal?

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