Red shoes, charming lesbians and pirates with taste...Dating Thread 24

[ChaoticismyLife]

It's the best I could come up with

As you were...

Thanks everyone, I honestly do welcome all advice because I'm so fed up with things as they are.

I have to say though if I spoke to my friend's DHs/DPs they would all say that they think I'm great and I'm just going for the wrong men, or something like that. It does surprise most of my friends that I've been single for so long, and most assume it is through choice, not because I can't get past Date 1.

Watch is right about the type thing - I have a (very good) degree. However I haven't dated anyone with a degree since I was 24 (I'm now 40). In fact I've made a conscious effort to avoid men in office jobs, with professional roles etc. Now there's no guarantee those men will be any more interested in me than the ones I have been dating, but I figure it's worth a try. Plus my brief liaison with much younger (but v v bright) colleague a few weeks ago has made me realise how nice it is a) to have an intelligent conversation and b) to be appreciated for my brain. Because generally men aren't interested in my brain at all.

Which may, perhaps, be where I've gone wrong. Either in going for the wrong types, or casting my net in the wrong places, or both...

i do think there is something in that sponge - i really do.
I was mostly interested in a type, which, like i said, were my type when i was 20. and while im still attracted looks wise, personality wise, and interest wise it was rubbish. Also it meant i had to sort of play up parts of my personality, but down play others. so, while i could be all cool with them, they probably wouldnt have been very interested to come round and find me in the garden in a pair of jogging bottoms.... but thats part of me to, you know.

( i did date other types too, but, if im honest, wasnt all that interested, so could have given off those kind of vibes) It wasnt until march time that i actually thought about what i wanted now, what things were important to me, taylored my profile and was a lot more selective.......

How do we write your friends bit, what are the questions?

Delurking just to say that I agree that you are going for the wrong kind of men, sponge.

I'm not fond of "office" types either, but there are others with degrees, even making decent money, who even have tattoos and appreciate women's brains too.

Hey Sponge

I used to have a type - confident, successful etc but often found confidence = arrogance and successful = controlling. I wouldn't have approached Mr PE Teacher because he was sport mad (obviously!), very buff (makes me a bit nervous, not been to the gym for a lot of a few months) and 4 years younger than me (she says as she moves the Zimmer frame aside to get a bit closer to the laptop). And, OK, it ultimately, didn't work out but I really enjoyed the 6 weeks we had, saw some great new places that he took me to (North Norfolk coast) and had some luvvvverly rumpy pumpy for the first time in ages. (And FWIW I think he was being honest about the 'not ready for a relationship' thing as he's not been on the site since and nobody new had appeared on his FB friends last time I looked.)

My best friend has told me she thinks Mr Local is going to be too 'country boy' for me but I'm going to give it a go as you just never know.

OD sites, photos and profiles are as unreliable in the fact people could be lying to make themselves look better as they are in the fact there are others who are not naturally outgoing when advertising themselves or just unused to putting stuff like that on paper and/or don't photograph too well.

Perhaps consider considering a larger criteria? Oh, and I read someone said that contacting them rather than waiting for them to get to you - I totally agree....but...write a quick, light-hearted message, send it and then forget it. If they get back to you, great. If not, their loss!

Yoga I haven't got any sausages but I do have some Swedish meatballs....? ;)

I haven't dated for so long (16 years) that I have no idea what my type is any more. I took the plunge and joined Times Encounters last night (only on a freebie thing). I took the advice of someone upthread and made a really casual profile, more of a 'seeking male friends with whom to meet for coffee, cinema trip' etc.

As a newbie to this, I've been noting down every site that's been mentioned and now have quite a collection to potentially join!!

Afternoon all.

Sponge, did you want us to come up with the friend thing for you? Not suggesting that you need one of us to do it, but figured with the collective wisdom, could be onto something.

I'm going to shut up now..

Welcome Smoothie I've been on Senior Dating (40's + (got fed up with being messaged by 20 somethings!)), Match.com and Plenty Of Fish. IMHE, POF has been the best as there are far more people on there (as its' free) so the chances you can find a date without having to travel outside your time zone (!!) are increased. A casual, fun profile is good. I find I get instantly turned off by men stating 'no haters' 'no cheaters' 'no game players' etc and other such negative stuff because who would want to date those sorts?!

watch the friend bit you basically have to describe me in 2000 words or less. And pick 5 key words to describe me Thanks again, it is v v much appreciated!

The more I think about it, the more I've realised how much I want someone to like me for me, not how I look, or the type of person they think/assume I am based on how I dress. I haven't had one date in 4 years who didn't basically assume I was 'up for it' and really couldn't care less about me as a person, just an object. Quite sad really thinking about it. I mean, don't get me wrong, I want men to find me physically attractive, but I feel there should be (and is) more about me than that which should interest them...

Excellent - cheers EiePie. I'll take a look. I need to get one of the DC to take a decent photo of me first

Oh Sponge I don't think anyone wants to feel like a sex object. You can definitely do better than those amoebas poor specimens.

I am at people that make assumptions.

sponge - i had the same ephinany earlier this year! dont worry, know you know that we have something to work with.

ok first task - five words to describe you ( and lets not go for looks based ones as they speak for themselves, and your picture will be there)

a good friend
thoughtful
hysterically funny
intelligent
appreciates the light hearted things in life

hmmm - football loving, towie watching, lawyer with a weakess for beer and good ( i dont know, something the opposite again, suggesting more high brow)

and then somethng about saying that none of these things fit into the same box, just like you.

( because thats true and you want someone thats ok and likes you for ALL sides of who you are)

hows that for some kind of start to build from?

actually, i do like that as an opening bit.

' football loving, towie watching, lawyer, with a weekness for beer, cheese and good conversation....''

ooohh, then in our bit we could say about how you dont fit into one box, but are lots of little boxes wrapped up in one fantastic package.

yes? good idea as an opener?

watch that's fab, thank you :)

I have a meeting now but will come back later with some ideas embroidering on the above...

and in the meantime Mac or anyone else feel free to suggest more bits, the more collective ideas the better :)

Watch I like that!

Sponge I tried...!

football loving, towie watching, lawyer, with a weekness for beer, cheese and good conversation....''

yes, you read that right, my lovely friend sponge is all of these things, wrapped up on one fantastic package.

Sponge is stunningly beautiful, but i dont need to tell you that, you can see that your self from her pictures. What you cant (yet) see, if how utterly charming, kind and fun she is. She enjoyes both the high and low brow and you can guarantee any time spent with her is an absolute pleasure.

( have a brain blank..... help! or anyone better with words than me.....)

and sponge - use the pic from the weekend, you look amazing in it.

yes, please just use this as a start - or just scrap it all together. generally its the start of these things thats the hard bit.

i reckon between us, by this evening we should have a masterpiece.
:)

www.mysinglefriend.com/profile/outside_view/id/fudwfuevevfu???

Ok, ok, perhaps I need to explain what I meant a bit more.

I absolutely do not think there is anything that Sponge needs to change about herself (sorry to talk about you in the third person). I absolutely think she comes across here as funny, intelligent, warm etc, and sounds just like the sort of person I would love to have as a friend. I wouldn't want to change my friends, they're all perfect friends for me.

I agree, and I think I said as much a while back, on a previous thread (though I might just have nodded along with what I was reading), that the 'type' she is dating may not be right for her, and that widening her search from that point of view is more likely to throw up someone who appreciates her the way she deserves.

Now, ok, I've not been single as long as Sponge, but I have wondered why, after a year, I've not been asked out in real life, or met anyone nice through OD, who wants to see me again, if at all. I had a second date with a control freak, I knew after the first it wasn't right, but that's the only interest I've had. So yes, Watch, I did ask my male friends and even husbands of friends, if there was something I was doing that was scaring men off. It wasn't in the least bit embarrassing, as my friends and their husbands care about me, and one even said "we were talking about why you're single, Fayster, we can only think it's....." so actually, very helpful. I expect that if Sponge did this, they would probably say the same as us, that she's looking for the wrong sort of guy.

And I don't think that Sponge should only date men with degrees, or who are similarly well educated. Lots of wonderful men don't have degrees, lots of manual workers are actually not complete thick-as-shit knobheads who only judge someone by how they look or how they speak. What I don't understand is why Sponge hasn't found one of the good ones amongst the ones she's dated.

Sponge, I do hope you haven't been offended by anything I've said. I don't believe for a minute there's anything wrong with you. Don't go changing etc...

i agree with the degree thing fayster. I dont have one :) i know lots of sucessful ( and weathly people ) that dont have one. And i know lots with them that cant function in life - such as the puppy...

BUT - i do think she needs to look at a different type of man, so a change of site and a new perspective to doing that is good :)

I dated for 3.5 years before finding a good one. and he wasnt good at all. Its more common to do that than you might think.

www.mysinglefriend.com/profile/outside_view/id/dwazfuirfuev

Watch your good :)

I think I need to employ you to write my okc profile....

pah - tis not great. but its a start. plenty of others can word things far better than i

Just thinking that we should add something about a ' cracking job in the city, holding friends close and something about being a sparky mum to two teenage boys - but i cant find the words. Having read quite a few my single friend profiles, lots do mention children ( which is sometihng i usually think you should avoid) BUT - its a very different kind of site, with, what appears to be different kinds of men... so, i think in this case we should mention it

ooohhh and what about something about being allergic to mud, and having a rambling garden, so if they are handly with a spade to let you know and you are happy to pay them in some hearty home cooking?

i dont know, just an easy ice breaker for when you get in undated with emails...

i dont know, this is just thinking out loud.....so, if its not great at this stage, sorry

Senior Dating??? There is a site called Senior Dating? And I'm its target clientele??

we did use to do profiles on here. people would post and then we would re word etc...... im sure we can all do that again if people want help.
if one thing can come of years of dating, at least its knowing how to write an ok profile.
:)

ha - i missed that. SENIOR dating is over 40's.
fuck me.
lol
:)