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Original poster

Red shoes, charming lesbians and pirates with taste...Dating Thread 24

999 replies

ChaoticismyLife · 15/10/2012 16:36

It's the best I could come up with Grin

As you were...

OP posts:
hatesponge · 18/10/2012 00:19

I'll concede he's not bad :) And he's not that far - about 15 miles from me, opposite sides of the Thames.

Although he is a bit short, doesn't have children or a degree. I know I'm being stupidly fussy though Blush considering he's a massive step up from the lowlifes Ive been on dates with on POF.

bantamrooster · 18/10/2012 00:22

watch

He looks nice. I would, except I'm a guy. And straight. And brentwood isn't that far away from me, but again he's not my type

So out of interest, do women get the same number of obvious russian visa-seekers that men get? I keep having women wink at me all the time, and when I mail them to point out that Glasgow is really a bit too far from me, I always get the same response (You do the looking lovely, I am thinking we are mates of the soul, mail me on yahoo.com, etc etc)

I guess you don't get that so much?

watchoutforthatsnail · 18/10/2012 00:24

Yes, yes you are :) the scaffolder didnt have a degree either.....:)

He might be a bit on the short side but if you met and got on like a house on fire then i expect you wouldnt notice. Surely worth swapping a few messages with?

bantamrooster · 18/10/2012 00:27

a bit short? He's 5'9, that's average height. Not having children isn't that much of a bad thing, surely? It makes him more available, if nothing else.

Oh and that's another topic. I've read about women wanting tall men. To be enfolded, some of the time. I've also read there are a large number of men who will fib somewhat about their height. Personally, being 5' 9 and three quarters, I'll fib and say I'm 5 '10, and generally won't date women who are 6 foot plus, but that's usually a mutual thing because they don't want to date anyone shorter than them.

Opinions? Would you rather date a tall guy (a foot taller than you) who was okay-ish, or a guy the same height as you who was funny and sweet?

watchoutforthatsnail · 18/10/2012 00:33

Tall. I like tall men. Over 6' really .
Im 5.3' just

Yogagirl17 · 18/10/2012 00:37

LOL @ wanking the plank! watch - maybe he was just worried that if he started he wouldn't want to stop.

Sponge - It is simply NOT TRUE that all the men you've dated think there is something wrong with you - you know that! I know you do. You know perfectly well there a million and one reasons why people do runners, 99.9% of which are their issues, not yours - ranging from they are hopelessly immature and think the grass is always greener to you initimdate the fuck out of them because you are smart and gorgeous and amazing and they'd rather dump you before you get the chance to dump them. You know this. Just try and remember it even when you're feeling shitty.

Right, am off to have a look at My Single Friend.

bantamrooster · 18/10/2012 00:37

Why?

bantamrooster · 18/10/2012 00:39

Sorry the 'why' was - 'why 6 feet', not 'why my single friend'

Yogagirl17 · 18/10/2012 00:42

bantam i would only date someone taller than me but i'm only 5'0 so that's not hard! I've actually turned men down tho cause they're too tall - over 6'0 is really just too much. I slept with a guy once who was 6'3 and it was more like a game of twister than sex! Not to be too graphic about it, but if we're connected at..ahem..waist height then I end up face to face with a nipple! BlushGrin

hatesponge · 18/10/2012 00:43

bantam, not russian bride(groom)s but I have had scammers from Africa, they normally pretend to be US servicemen. V bizarre, but quite easy to spot from the off as their english is so bad!

Height- my Ex (father of my DS2) was almost the same height as me (I'm 5' 6, he claims he is 5'8 but is at least an inch shorter) I've dated lots of men 5'8 ish, ideally I would prefer a man who is 6ft, but I wouldn't rule anyone out so long as they were at least as tall as me. My main reason for preferring taller men is that I wear VERY high heels most of the time, and don't want to be towering over men.

Yogagirl17 · 18/10/2012 00:47

Hmm, just had a very quick search and only 20 men in my area - and that's without even ruling anyone out for any reason other than age (I've put 38-49)....not promising.

bantamrooster · 18/10/2012 00:49

yoga face to face with a nipple isn't so bad as far as I'm concerned, but only in certain situations I think. During conversation over coffee it's not so good.

bantamrooster · 18/10/2012 00:50

yoga how does that compare with Match or POF (or whatever you usually use?)

Yogagirl17 · 18/10/2012 00:55

LOL bantam, no face to face with a nipple during coffee is not great! But basically it means you can't kiss and have sex at the same time. Kissing is good.

Using OKC at the moment and there are a lot more. Even Soulmates which I used for a while had more than that. Might have a closer look though...

bochead · 18/10/2012 01:44

hatesponge - I'm not even scoring a first date Sad

having decided that 9 years celibate is silly and that it's time I did summat about it, i'm not impressed with this online dating malarkey at all. I'll be honest and say I thought I was still attractive enough to have merited one quick coffee by now.

Currently feeling VERY frumpy, even school discos yielded more success than pof lol!

I do prefer taller blokes as I'm five nine I'm afraid.

ParsleyTheLioness · 18/10/2012 05:50

Morning all, I am awake at stupid-o-clock...Snape I'm sorry the work stuff is crap, but I did laugh at the tits falling off thing...
Sponge I have generally gone for men with degrees, but I have made a conscious effort to widen my criteria now. Some of the nicer men I have known in my life have not had them. They need to be smart, yes, but many smart people I know have not had a university education. At the moment, someone who has a pulse, is nice, smart and not fugly would be a bonuse...
Ok, offputting profile of the day. Let the sausage see the roll. In the opening line. Hmm, hard to resist, even though I am a vegetarian...

DoingItForMyself · 18/10/2012 07:16

WRT to the height issue. I wouldn't let it put me off. If pressed, I would have said I prefer taller men (last POF I really liked was 6'4) even though I'm only 5'3, but new bloke is apparently 5'9 (+ 3/4!) and although he seems quite short compared to other men I've dated, it means I can look him in the face, I can kiss him when I like (if he was taller I'd have to wait for him to bend down!) and we just 'fit' together.

Its more his build which attracted me when we met as he has very broad shoulders, which makes me feel petite when he cuddles me, so I get the 'enfolding' without the height. None of this was apparent from his profile pics though.

I am a little wary of wearing heels with him, but he is quite cocky very confident, so I don't think its an issue for him!

bochead are you being pro-active, searching for guys or waiting for them to contact you? I found most of the ones that sent me messages weren't for me, but if you send a concise but personal message to someone you like the look of and your pics are appealing (get a male friend to let you know!) I'm sure you will get some responses. I usually say something along the lines of "Hello, I like your profile, you sound funny/interesting/like someone I could get along with and you have a lovely smile. Do you fancy meeting up for a coffee sometime?" No chat, no bollocks!

OhWesternWind · 18/10/2012 07:16

Let the sausage see the roll?????? WTAF??!? That's right cheered me up this morning even though I'm a veggie too! Yuk.

Watch the lack of action given your erm condition at the time seems pretty odd to me. Even with taking things slowly I would have expected a bit of touching at the very least. Did he say anything at all or just generally ignored all bosoms in the area? Think you need to get him to bed sharp ish and see if things are okay. Tbh I couldn't be doing with a "learner" at this point in my life but I think I'm a bit older than you! Am discovering quite an appetite for a bit of kink which needs someone who knows what he's doing.

DoingItForMyself · 18/10/2012 07:28

Had a conversation about expectations last night. Was told that when he first joined POF he was basically looking for "25, hot-as-fuck, no kids, in your face ex-bitch!" but as he went along he realised that 25 with no kids was pointless as she would want kids and wouldn't understand his responsibilities, that hot-as-fuck is all well and good, but without intelligence and humour it wasn't enough. He refers to me as 'his age' even though I am actually a few years older, not something he was particularly looking for! He says I am everything he wanted and a lot of things he didn't realise he wanted until he met me.

My point is not to boast much but to point out that the list of criteria is just a starting point, but chemistry and just 'getting' each other can over-ride anything on the list if its the right person.

fayster · 18/10/2012 08:15

Watch, I agree with Yoga, maybe he was just avoiding starting something he couldn't finish, because of your DD.

How about asking your friends' husbands or partners, Sponge, to see how you come across to men? I'm all for going upmarket with My Single Friend, and I don't actually think you should be anything but yourself, but there could be something simple scaring guys away that you could change easily. There has to be some reason why they can't see what we can see in you.

ParsleyTheLioness · 18/10/2012 08:28

Just had a look at Single Friend for my area. All of them, and I mean literally all, are looking for a woman from 20 yrs younger, up to generally two years younger than them. About one of them will consider someone the same age. And as they are all about five years younger than me....

watchoutforthatsnail · 18/10/2012 08:34

pah - i dont know. Could have been the time issue..... i wasnt topless, just wearing a vest top. But i was straddled his lap, and he was sort of half laying down, so his head was literally boob level. He just didnt touch or even look.....
Im prob being silly, it was only the fourth date. Just, well, a bit of passion and urgency is sometimes appreciated.......

Im certainly not up for teaching anyone. I little period of getting to know each other is ok, but not helping someone get better.

Yogagirl17 · 18/10/2012 08:59

Morning all - right where's my sausage?? Grin

can I just say, I'm getting more than a little frustrated with all the suggestions for sponge to do something or go somewhere or change something. I know they are all meant with the absolute best of intentions but there is nothing wrong with her. She is fabulous the way she is and the only man worthy of her is someone who is going to see that without her having to do a single thing. That man is out there somewhere. I just feel we are sending out such mixed messages telling her to be herself, it's not her it's them, but maybe you could just change one little thing. Sorry (and sorry sponge if my little rant was not wanted). I'm done now.

As you were.

watchoutforthatsnail · 18/10/2012 09:08

:) yoga.
agreed.
really ( and no offence fayster) but could you imagine the embarassment of having to ask a married friends husband to critique you? horrifying.

I was having much the same luck as sponge -- it wasnt me either, just one of those things. I havent done anything different these last few times around, except be a bit fatter... which you think would have the opposite effect really ( not that i was tiny beforehand)

watchoutforthatsnail · 18/10/2012 09:22

I think part of the problem ( and please dont take offence sponge, as i was doing the very same thing)
Is - sponge has been dating a type, which were her type a long time ago and actually, she doenst have much in common with them now. While on a physical level its all good, there is something very much missing, and there is no emotional or intelectual connection.

I did the same for a while, dated guys who i fancied the pants off, but who i actually wouldnt have 'dated' at all. Looks wise they were hot, matching with me wise they just werent.

I think if sponge thinks about the attributes shes looking for and we do a profile that is in that tone, in a more upmarket site, then that might change things.