Do you think you are loved “properly?”

[wildwestapplepie]

I once read in a book that ?Love is only as big as is a sacrifice we are willing to make for it? (sorry this is a translation and maybe not a good one but I hope you understand me). I often think about this and wonder. How much is my DH willing to sacrifice for me?
Do you think your husband loves you the way he should. Does he care about you, your problems, your aches and pains, your feelings, your needs? Is he willing to make sacrifice for you, what sort, how much?

In a word 'no'

My 'properly' and his are miles and miles apart. He thinks he can act like a dick/stroppy child/stonewall etc etc and then say 'sorry' and all will be ok :(

Personally I dont think there's any point in apologising for a behaviour or trait you have no intention of changing/adjusting. To me, apologising means trying v v hard not to do it again and learn from my mistakes and trying to empathise with the other person.

I just feel disappointed. He can be so spiteful towards me, very childlike. I've been for counselling a few times over the past 8 years since we had our first child and recognise where i have behaved like a parent in trying to get through to him or understand him when we argue/dont see eye to eye. I know and understand that its not a good idea to behave like that... so am working hard to behave as an adult rather than a parent

He admitted recently (last year - 7 years into our marriage) that he had stopped having sex with me (4-5 years previously) because he resented me getting pregnant and 'trapping' him.... It worth noting that when this 'rejection' was in its infanct, his reasoning for rejecting me was because 'i had let myself go' :(

I have tried so hard to change my negative behaviours and have made good strides in doing so.... being less anal about where stuff goes, giving him a long leash with his friends/social life/hobbies ( to be fair i have always done this)

So..... he's not evil or abusive but something isnt right.... I cannot recognise any of your happy stories - I've never experienced those feelings - maybe if I try harder and lower my hopes A LOT - it might happen?

Am pretty cut up about this

No I'm not. I know I love him more than he loves me. But I also know that he loves me as much as he is capable of.

It's sad.

I dont much like the emphasis on sacrifice - its a trap especially for women.

I do feel loved in my relationship.

I agree that the only love that is unconditional is probably love for one's child. I would disown dc in certain circs but I would always love them.

Yes. Yes, I really do.
Our lives are currently storming around us. Somehow, we always have a calm centre. Our dreams are shared. We know where we are going.
There's always a feeling of love, consideration and reciprocity. I think we are extremely fortunate.

My friend´s husband "sacrificed" his life for her. To this day I cannot work out whether it was love or revenge.

I think an over-sentimentalised romantic "ideal" is detrimental.

In a long term relationship, compromise is necessary, but "sacrifice" (with its worshipping, religious connotations) isn't. And I'd be horrified if I thought DH had become less than himself because of "sacrifices".

There's a basic truth in Michele Obama's "good relationships don't hurt", and they don't require exaggerated gestures of sacrifice either.

If you really want to bring in the language of religion, I would drop the sacrifice and substitute "lovingkindness". Kindness is, I think, a much underrated part of family life.