I feel like such a fool.
I am married. He is married. We both settled down very young and are now in our late 30's. We have 5 primary school aged children between us.
We used to work together and gradually became very good friends. I was never physically attracted to him when we first met.
Over time, we became very close and it was obvious to both of us that if things were different, we could be very happy together.
Physically, we have never taken things any further than kissing. Indeed, since I have moved departments we very rarely see each other at all, but do keep in touch on a daily basis.
I would love to see him again, but we seem to be going round in circles. He talks about how much he misses me, and how often he thinks about me, but as soon as I suggest meeting up he goes quiet. So then I back off a bit, keep the chit-chat more casual until eventually he starts to talk about how he would "love to see me but......"
He has always been a very loyal and devoted family man, so the whole thing was very unexpected really. He says that he will never do anything to jeopardise his family's happiness, but yet he his happy to stay up late nearly every night texting me, telling me I'm special, and umming & ahhing about meeting up.
I expect that I am going to get crucified for this on here, but I just can't help how I feel. The dawning realisation that I would be quite prepared to take this relationship further given half a chance has hit me like a ton of bricks. I never thought that I would be capable of that.
In a way, a part of me is grateful to him for not allowing me to do that. I'm sure that many blokes would have let me chuck my marriage away by now. He is far too kind and decent for that (but of course, this just makes me like him more).
