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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Something weird has happened - and the more I think about it, the weirder it seems!

92 replies

DriedUpAndDeadToTheWorld · 01/10/2012 14:38

Friday night DP and I went out drinking. Came home, watched a bit of telly and then went to bed. We had sex and then fell asleep. I don't remember noticing anything weird at this point.

Early next morning, we're in bed and I notice a mark on his shoulder. It looked very much like a bite mark and I ask "wow look at that!! is it a bite mark??" and he said quite calmly "no, we were giving each other 'twisters' at work and it will be a bruise from that. But I noticed there was some more light bruising down his chest and on his arm.

As the hours went on, this mark starting getting worse - until it was an awful purple bruise massively resembling a bad, human bite mark. I questioned it again and this time he said "you did it, last night". No way!! I wasn't that drunk and I'm not a 'biter' anyway. So I protested and he said it wasn't the mark from the twister as it was obviously a bite mark and was too severe to be from the twister Confused.

So, Sunday night we go out to watch a band and he brings it up again saying "you should see that mark you did now, it's bright purple" and he shows me it. I said "I did NOT do that, I would have remembered and I wouldn't have done it anyway" and he got quite defensive and said "well I didn't get it anywhere else!!" to which I replied "I never said you did but I didn't do it!". He followed this up with "I don't mind, I just wish you'd admit it" Shock

I keep thinking about it and it seems so odd!! It wasn't there when we first went to bed but I would have remembered doing it!!

So not to drip feed, it's a newish relationship and there have been a few slight signs of gaslighting. Not severe enough for me to say it definitely IS gaslighting, just a few hints (saying I've said things when I havn't) - the paranoid freak in me is wondering if he did it to himself and blamed me! I just can't see how else it could have happened!

OP posts:
InfinityWelcomesCarefulDrivers · 01/10/2012 16:22

What the hell is a twister?

CogitoErgoSometimes · 01/10/2012 16:26

(Understand 'twister' is like 'chinese burn' although a) why it would appear on a shoulder and b) why anyone would be doing it in the workplace are mysteries as yet unexplained..... )

InfinityWelcomesCarefulDrivers · 01/10/2012 16:34

thats what I though. OP, he needs to see his GP. You need to see sense and get out.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 01/10/2012 16:48

Why do you say you trust him? You obviously don't. Confused

I don't mean in terms of whether he is being faithful, that is just one kind of trust. You don't trust that he's telling you the truth, you don't trust him not to hurt you by gaslighting you.

You are arguing when you've been together 3 months - WTF? If you think this relationship is anything approaching normal and healthy, then your radar is way off.

Portofino · 01/10/2012 17:19

What Alibaba said. I would run for the hills. personally. Sorry! xx

overmydeadbody · 01/10/2012 17:32

If you guys are arguing three months into the relationship then you might as well end it.

And you don't trust him. You suspect him of gaslighting, therefore how can you possibly trust him?

dateandwait · 01/10/2012 17:39

Get him to his GP......can be a sign of serious health problems (assuming he IS telling the truth), rule it out first........if he's ok.....run.

quietlysuggests · 01/10/2012 18:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EdMcDunnough · 01/10/2012 18:09

Get out while you can. Sorry Sad

The 'hyper' thing sounds very familiar. I think he was with someone else.

tiredofwaitingforitalltochange · 01/10/2012 18:19

What on earth does he do for a job, where it's normal for people to give each other 'twisters'?

He's 14, right?

VivaLeBeaver · 01/10/2012 18:26

I bit dh on the knob once when drunk, have no recollection of doing it but the bruise was there the next morning and he'd not been out of my site all week so I kknow it was me.

VivaLeBeaver · 01/10/2012 18:26

Sight not site. God.

Viviennemary · 01/10/2012 18:32

I must say I've not heard this expression gaslighting. I shall google it. Hope I won't be too shocked. Don't know what this strange bite could be. The Essex lion??

EdMcDunnough · 01/10/2012 18:35

Gaslighting is from the film 'Gaslight' (1944) where the male character tries to convince the female that she is going mad, by gradually making the lights dimmer or something - can't remember it now - but you get the picture.

She insists things are happening and he vehemently denies it. Pretty horrid.

RumbleGreen · 01/10/2012 18:38

Okay so you say that he has a bruise resembling a bite mark which wasn't there when you went to bed but was there when you woke up after drunken sex?

Viviennemary · 01/10/2012 20:05

Ah yes. Thanks. I've not seen the film but have seen others similar. Didn't know anybody would actually try this in real life.

SorryMyLollipop · 01/10/2012 20:14

What others have said, 3 months in and he is arguing you down?

That is terrible.

I have been with my BF 5 months and no arguments at all yet.

And you think he is gaslighting you? Run, far and fast.

tuffinmop · 01/10/2012 20:35

Run like the wind and do not look back. This is your red flag. Heed it!

cynner · 01/10/2012 20:41

Not sure why, but this bloke sounds creepy. Why on earth would you want to continue a relationship with someone you even suspect of " gaslighting "?

Marigold1 · 01/10/2012 20:53

Please think very carefully about staying with this man, don't ignore your instinicts. I was in a similar position and ignored/didn't realise I was being misled or EA. I had never come across anything like it before and used to leave me feeling really confused about what had happened at times :S
Wish I was on mumsnet then. I am only just getting myself out of it, and I would never have thought myself to be the type to be in a bad relationship. I think he (your bf) is the 'twister'!

cynner · 01/10/2012 20:58

Well said, Marigold! Just what I wished to articulate..

TheMonster · 01/10/2012 21:07

Are you sure it isn't ringworm?

clippityclop · 01/10/2012 21:15

Hitch up skirts and run like hell.

StaceymReadyForNumber3 · 01/10/2012 21:33

body what op describes is not ringworm. Or not any ringworm I've ever come across!

TheMonster · 01/10/2012 21:38

I was clutching at straws.

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