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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

exH met someone else

22 replies

cheesestrung · 30/09/2012 19:41

and introduced her to our son after 2 weeks.
i just need to calm down. I feel so weird. we were together 13 years.. i think Im in shock

OP posts:

Numberlock · 30/09/2012 19:43

How old is your son and in what context was she introduced? How long since you split?

CoteDAzur · 30/09/2012 19:44

How long have you been separated? Is it possible that he didn't just meet her two weeks ago?

Original poster

cheesestrung · 30/09/2012 19:50

separated since 2009. i divorced him after 2 years separation. i would have done anything for him. i met someone else (ended now) and he made it hell. Now he has met someone and my son told me they went out today. he met her 2 weeks ago. god i feel so alone now

OP posts:

Original poster

cheesestrung · 30/09/2012 19:51

its like my life is flashing before me

OP posts:

VBisme · 30/09/2012 19:53

I'm afraid you need to trust him to do what's right by your child. He may have told DS a white lie about when they met to make it seem less like he's been having a life apart from your DS.

Could you talk to him about it?

Original poster

cheesestrung · 30/09/2012 19:56

why do i feel like i cant breathe?

OP posts:

Numberlock · 30/09/2012 19:58

How old is your son?

VBisme · 30/09/2012 19:59

Did you think you were going to get back together? It must have been a shock.

MummyBarrow · 30/09/2012 20:00

But you have met someone else, although over now, did that person meet your son?

Original poster

cheesestrung · 30/09/2012 20:01

ds is 4. I know i met someone else, but i never could move on properly. I always felt i was doing something wrong. its hit me like a ton of bricks and i dont know why.

OP posts:

Numberlock · 30/09/2012 20:05

How about some counselling to help you come to terms with the end of your relationship?

Original poster

cheesestrung · 30/09/2012 20:07

i have been to counselling for 2 years. I thought i was over it. until i found out this. i feel weird. yes i actually have counselling tomorrow

OP posts:

carlywurly · 30/09/2012 20:10

Counselling sounds like the best thing. You're divorced and so he's doing nothing wrong, especially if you separated 3 years ago, it would be entirely reasonable for him to move on. Do you suffer from anxiety?

KeemaNaanAndCurryOn · 30/09/2012 20:10

I think its a bit quick to introduce your DS after 2 weeks. When I met my now DH, he didn't introduce me to his DD until we'd been seeing each other for 6 months.

I suspect you feel like you do as it feels as if she's on your territory. A bit like a mother bear.

startlife · 30/09/2012 20:12

The strength of your feelings shows that there are unresolved issues. It's really worth you going to counselling to discuss those feelings and work out how you can heal. Just use this as a sign that you're not ready for a new relationship yet but it's possible to move on successfully after ending a long relationship. You can be happy again but just make sure you invest in yourself - counselling could really help.

Shybairns · 30/09/2012 20:16

The ex starting a new relationship would be hard for anyone, no matter how over them you are. Its just wierd init. You'll get through this, and grieve again and then move on.

Original poster

cheesestrung · 30/09/2012 20:25

thank you, this is finally it. closure for me. i dont think i would have fully let go and properly moved until until he had, and he is now. why didnt he ever listen to me, why did he make me feel i wasnt good enough.. i tried so hard. my ds said she doesnt shout at him :-( is this something that has been repeated.. she only met him today

OP posts:

Numberlock · 30/09/2012 20:30

In what context was she introduced to your son?

Original poster

cheesestrung · 30/09/2012 20:31

I have no idea how she was introduced, my exh wont speak to me :-(

OP posts:

Original poster

cheesestrung · 30/09/2012 21:09

my son told me tonight, he prefers her to me and he slept in the same bed as them last night. i am distraught

OP posts:

KeemaNaanAndCurryOn · 30/09/2012 21:27

Your DS doesn't really prefer her. Its just new for him and maybe they went overboard to make sure he was happy this weekend.

I can really see why this would be so difficult for you.

SorryMyLollipop · 30/09/2012 21:37

Your DS is 4, he does not prefer her to you. He had a nice time with someone, he was made to feel special. That is a good thing.

He is too young to understand what preferring someone really means, and the concept may have even been said to him to plant the seed, especially if your XH has a history of vindictiveness ("do you prefer "x" to mummy?") etc.

My DD's (4 and 6) regularly tell me that they hate me etc when they are upset/angry. I understand why you have taken this to heart but please don't.

I would be a bit pissed off if my XH and his new partner let our dd's share their bed because we agreed way back that we wouldn't do that and they would see that as huge preferential treatment by him.

I am sorry that you feeling so upset by this. It will get easier

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