The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Turning Over Autumn Leaves In Search For Our Own Personal Sobriety

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm mouse and my best friend used to be vodka. We were inseparable at the time, such fun! Wild nights out, wild nights in..... danger, excitement, strangers, not knowing where I was when I woke up, oh it was all so fantastic.....

Not the case for the last couple of years or so, since I found this Bus.

Now, we are practically strangers. Don't get me wrong, I still abuse alcohol and use it to self-medicate which completely defeats all of the work I've put in, trying to see my life through sober eyes but that's just how I do things......

Anyway, that's enough about me so why not come say hello to the others on the Bus, we're all at different stages of drinking, not drinking or complete abstinence (of the drinking kind!)

No-one on the Bus wears judgy pants, nylon bloomers, leopard skin thongs? Maybe...... I wouldn't like to ask to be honest! But we are all here for the very same reason, we can't (or don't want to) control our drinking like 'normal' people do.

If you'd like to see how this all started, why not have a look HERE and read about one of the most inspirational ladies you'll ever 'know'.

You can also follow the threads, one by one, by clicking on the links on each thread towards the end, leading to the next etc......

See you soon x

oh dear koti what happened...?

I have 7 days of stress coming up. I have to leave my wee dog with my mother; catch a flight; spend a few days with my (bossy) sister; catch another flight back; see my mother again.

takes a deep breath

my sister isn't too bad, its everything else. My mum wants to meet up and have lunch and swap the dog. She doesn't get that if I leave the dog in the car for more than 5 minutes he will get upset (he trembled for a WHOLE DAY after we did this once) she will think we are pandering to him. FGS I'm 42 I should be able to stand up to my mother... but she's doing me a favour by looking after the dog...

I don't enjoy flying, but accept that we are more likely to be in an accident on the way to the airport than actually on a plane (especially if FIL gives us a lift ) It's the checking in that I hate.

Getting there on time. Trying to find out which desk we're supposed to check-in at. Worrying in case we haven't got the right ID. Worrying in case our bags are too heavy. Standing in a huge queue that's going nowhere and panicking about missing our flight.

Actually my heart is thumping just typing all this out.

And then there's the whole thing in reverse, including the mum and the dog bit. Why they hell did I pay £600 for flights....?!

no offence - you're right, I'm overthinking it! Its just very hard to back away from the scenario which goes 'made it on to the plane on time, AND with all the right luggage/passports/children - oooh they serve gin and tonic in cutesy bottles!'

and the worst part? I'll be away from the Bus for 4 days!!!

Evening, tis me, Mouse

Koti - apart from being stuck in all day with a poorly Nemo (par for the course between October and April) and waiting for the internet to die so I can swap routers, being in a whole new world of pain because of the damp and cold, the shite night nursing said Nemo, I'm fine and dandy actually.

Joey - You are a grown woman as you say but I get the whole having to 'please' your mother thing.......

DH is home, DD is on her Netbook, and Nemo is watching Justin Fletcher and Mr Tumble on DVD. Again. For the gazillionth time!

Hope everyone is okay out there, it's miserable here. Time for PJs, bit of rubbish TV then bed. I'm having Nemo in with me again tonight so that I can actually get to him. I can get out of bed when it's this damp, my back/hips/legs just stop working! Most anoying when you need a wee at 4am!

Poor wee mousie - I wish you and Nemo could have a pain/snot free night.I have beaten the wine witch tonight and feel proud.

You're an inspiration Bproud - congratulations on your two sober years.

Question for you all - how do you cope with the work Christmas bash? I've rarely had a sober one but this year I won't be drinking and the thought of having to get through it without a drink fills me with the deepest gloom. Might well have an excuse up my sleeve and leave them all to it. Or is that really pathetic?

Great halo Koti - x

Soma - either don't go if you feel that you'll be tempted and won't be able to resit and therefore undo everything you've done. Or drive. Or worry about it the day before/on the day of the do and we'll talk you through it then.

I don't mean to be flippant by saying that, you are doing so well, it would be a real shame to let that all go for one night of Agadoo and cheap wine.

You're better than that, you really are.

How is J btw? And all that was going on with her father etc.......

Feel like I have turned a corner tonight.

My goal is to get back to where I used to be before this last 15 months happened. Where I could have a drink, or not, and it not end up being 2 bottles of wine every single night.

I havent stayed off the booze totally but I have done really well I think. H came home tonight and asked if I wanted to go for a drink as our eldest is at home (early 20's) and was happy to babysit. H has maybe 4 or 5 pints a week at the absolute most, and only that if we go to the pub a couple of times (which is v rare), he isnt a big drinker and never drinks at home.

My initial reaction was slightly panicky as I didnt know if I was in a place yet where I could go to the pub and not drink. Our car is at the garage so I couldnt drive in order to make sure I couldnt drink so I thought the temptation would have been too much. Then I thought about it properly and realised that actually, I didnt want a drink. I had come to peace with not having a drink and so I didnt want one. I also knew that I didnt want to be sitting in a place where I would have to defend not drinking, as I knew it would be questioned, so I said no.

I felt bad that he wanted to get out of the house for a bit (we have had a terrible week with one thing and another), but not so bad that I went.

I feel that I have made a small but significant step tonight, as a few weeks ago I really couldnt imagine ever being in a place where I didnt want a drink.

Thanks for the halo Koti

I should say that although he knows I drink more than, he doesnt know quite how heavily I dont think. He also works in a pub type enviroment so people drinking hefty amounts isnt unusual for him to see. The way I drink and the period of time that I drink it means I dont get plastered.

I dont think he quite realised how bad things were and what I was trying to do until tonight, so please dont think he was being insensitive or trying to sabotage me. He didnt know until tonight that I have a drink problem :(

"drink more the him"

THAN him......ah forget it! ykwim!

Thanks Mouse, I shudder at the memory of Christmas parties past! Thanks for asking after J. Her dad and partner (J's mum) are definitely splitting up after just having bought a lovely new house together so it's a big pile of poo really. I don't know how they're going to sort out childcare between them but I know how much she loves her daddy and he'll make sure he spends plenty of time with her.

Sorry Nemo's so poorly and that the autumn chill is making things hard(er) for you. Hope you get some sleep and the list will be a bit shorter tomorrow x

ShouldI - I need to go, I'm not ignoring you but I will say you know that you need to get on and stay on this Bus if you want to change the way you drink but a huge well done on making the change you have tonight.

You posted for a reason, try and stay with us and see where this journey takes you .

Soma - it's so very sad, I know that she'll be 'okay', my heart aches for her though, the disruption of separation will do her no good to start...... give her a squidge if you see her please. xx

Night all, Nemo calls! xx

this is the original name change I used when I was still ... not in denial exactly but wondering if I really did need help with it or whether I could do it alone. I have just kept it as it is easier.

I dont come on often as I am shit at name changes and will invariably out myself at some point! But I do read the board every day.

I just feel different tonight, different to how i have felt in the past. In the past it has been "I want a drink.....But I am not going to have one.....but I want one....." there was always this internal struggle and I would have jumped at the excuse to have a drink, because he wanted to go out. I would have justified it by telling myself that I was doing it because he wanted to go out not me.

But tonight there wasnt that struggle, I really didnt want to go, i dont want a drink (and there is booze in the house so I could have one) and I am not in turmoil over it.

Something in me has changed, I dont know why but it has.

just wanted to say ma well done! I know how every day is a struggle, but even if its just a one-off - the more of those there are, they will eventually build up...