The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Turning Over Autumn Leaves In Search For Our Own Personal Sobriety

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm mouse and my best friend used to be vodka. We were inseparable at the time, such fun! Wild nights out, wild nights in..... danger, excitement, strangers, not knowing where I was when I woke up, oh it was all so fantastic.....

Not the case for the last couple of years or so, since I found this Bus.

Now, we are practically strangers. Don't get me wrong, I still abuse alcohol and use it to self-medicate which completely defeats all of the work I've put in, trying to see my life through sober eyes but that's just how I do things......

Anyway, that's enough about me so why not come say hello to the others on the Bus, we're all at different stages of drinking, not drinking or complete abstinence (of the drinking kind!)

No-one on the Bus wears judgy pants, nylon bloomers, leopard skin thongs? Maybe...... I wouldn't like to ask to be honest! But we are all here for the very same reason, we can't (or don't want to) control our drinking like 'normal' people do.

If you'd like to see how this all started, why not have a look HERE and read about one of the most inspirational ladies you'll ever 'know'.

You can also follow the threads, one by one, by clicking on the links on each thread towards the end, leading to the next etc......

See you soon x

Hello Golden Not sure if I remember you but I certainly care! (I am blonde and senile though so please don't take it personally ).

Just wanted to wish everyone a happy weekend as I'll be away until Monday.

Have had a very busy day and could feel a little bit of tension creeping in and whispering...get some wine, get some wine ...but have kicked that firmly up the arse.

One day at a time sweet universe

Aw thanks Lelli! I've hardly posted under this name (or the one before) so I doubt you'd remember this. I was NonAstemia a while back and posted quite a lot for a while. I don't often post now as I've cut down drinking as much as I want to though not nearly as much as I should and don't want to stop drinking, so I don't feel I've got anything constructive to add really. I still read and listen and hopefully learn though.

Have a good weekend and kick the wine witch firmly up the arse.

Evening tis me, Mouse

Saf - funny, the addictive meds thing is my bigger picture. I see my GP, the same one finally, on a regular basis, I am no longer in control of Oramorph as freely as I was, which was my choice, the longer release morphine is better controlled too, I can re-order my meds when I need them but they are 'flagged' if I order them too soon.

These are all choices I have had to make myself as I knew that the drink was just the tip of the iceberg...... it was the fuel to the fire most nights so when I drank on top of the out of control pain drugs, it all went tits up! I hope you sort your wardrobe out! I hated having to go from not smart to smart!

Koti - So I hope no one leaves us and I hope that everyone can continue speaking frankly, despite the odd occasion where sometimes it may rub someone up the wrong way temporarily. - if everybody looked the same, we'd get tired of looking at each other to quote a son, and it's true, how boring would this place be? xx

Nemo's Heart appt. went really well (other than having to wait over an hour) today but he was as good as gold, played the whole time we waited and was so brave when he had his ultrasound.

He still has regurgitation into his pulmonary chamber but it's nothing AT ALL to worry about, especially as he's had it since his op at six month's old. All is really great

Then we went to get his tablet so when (if) TalkTalk get us all set up on Monday, I'll load some stuff for him and then he can start to play educational games, designed with his needs in mind so thanks you Family Fund!

Night all, feeling over tired and super emotional. Stay Brave xx

Mouse I can't remember whether you have an ipad but if not, it might be great for Nemo. There's something about the tactile, interactive quality of it that makes it amazing for children. I invested in one for DD as an educational tool and it's been a great resource. There's something so immediate about the whole touch screen thing, and there are amazing apps for children, especially children with SEN. Most apps are free/less than a quid/a bit more than a quid and well reviewed so you can get loads of apps for relatively little money. Just a thought.

hope nemo and the dts did just that mouse glad to hear the heart appointment went well - that is great news.

all ok here. back to pigging out too much but kind of 'ok' with that. when i tried to diet i ended up drinking which is probably a complete coincidence but you know what if sobriety means being a size 14 well it's not the biggest price in the world for my health and sanity is it?

off for haircuts today. ds has been rocking the hippy child look for quite a while now and needs a bit more than mummy attacking his fringe with blunt scissors and my hair is an awful growing out mess so am hoping to get it cut into a style i have in mind. however it's a village salon so god knows what they'll do to me.

today i will not be drinking whether it's good or bad or indifferent. thinking about going to a vintage 'stuff' sale a friend is putting on but it's in a pub so need to be sure i feel up to it. will see how i feel after hair butchering cuts.

morning babes - happy weekend x

morning.

afternoon.

Afternoon :) OK, I'm over-sensitive, I don't like to share my feelings and when I do and get even the teensy weeniest bit of negative feedback I get the huff. I promise to big up and not do it again. Maybe Isinde's no. 3 in her last post applies to me too.

Hope you're all having pleasant weekends, looking forward to indulging my guilty pleasure later (XFactor) (slopes off with tail between legs).

Afternoon, tis me, Mouse

Saf - hope the haircuts went well. Luckily, my village salon is Toni & Guy trained so is really good at giving you what you ask for, she doesn't do perms which is good enough for me!

I love my hair short.... I just don't have the time to faff with it of a morning.

Golden - we went for a Samsung Note in the end, (thnaks again to the Family Fund) and whilst waiting in the hospital, we got chatting to a couple with a Down's girl who had one, with loads of great programs on so I made a list so will get it up and running for him once we go 'live' with our new BB provider on Monday, no point in setting it all up and then having to re-do the internet bits.

I can't wait, it's the whole reward thing like you say that I want for him, touch and get a big 'boing' or visual tick.... as you say, the stuff for SN children these days is awesome xx

IsinDe - great post and well done for admitting how you felt. As I've said, for me, this Bus works so well because of the varied posters, no wait, Brave Babes actually, that we have here. The whole point of the Bus is to post about the role that alcohol plays in our own lives but also to share what we've discovered elsewhere, what we've learnt, what we've seen, felt, it all counts doesn't it?

We all think differently, we all want different things from our every day lives but our goals here are the same, we all want to stop being the drinker that we are/were, or want to stay stopped. That's our glue, that's our common ground, that's why we keep coming back, to post or to read.

Nemo didn't do sleep again, it's really starting to affect out lives, we thought we'd cracked it only a few months back but nope.... he's been waking crying so I'm guessing that he's dreaming but also that the trauma is still coming back in waves as it has before..... his wonderful community nurse has said that it's highly likely he'll suffer from forms of PTSD for most of his toddler and early years, due to the amount of trauma he went through, they say that they do remember a 'degree' of the upset etc....

Ma - you okay? xx

Sarah - good to see you back. and a huge congrats on 13 years!

Koti - no, we're on a standby waiting list for his cleft op and his heart op (if needed) won't be for a few more years but he will be monitored 12 monthly which is great. He used to be monthly when he was first born and we felt like we should buy a house nearer to the hospital at the time...

Re the feeling emotional.... I think I'm just so very tired. It;s non stop. Preschool, home, night time wakings, I just don't get a chance to stop. Plus I'm not great at this time of year as the dark mornings and nights get to me, I feel vunerable if that makes sense?

I feel weird, I've been having horrificaly graphic dreams when I do sleep so the quality of my sleep is poor too. I just feel a bit weepy and wobbly.

TMI ALERT - I seem to have stopped having periods too (last one was 56 days from the other, the one before 63) so I think I'm in early menopause. Fuck knows.... I just blow hot and cold (literally hot!!! which drives DH mad, he;s cold, I'm sweating) and I'm up and down rather alot.

However, now that my meds are actually being managed, I do think that things will start to settle more as the constant pain gets to me.

Well, we're all Halloweened up here! Been to town and got myself an outfit for the children's party my friend is throwing, I'm going as a short haired Morticia . Last year I did a Zombie, but that was with no children so it might scare them, I'll put the Zombie back on my profile in a mo when I NC.

Back in a bit Babes xx

So, last year's Zombie pic is on my profile, don't sit near the DC when you look at it! DD and her friends are all coming here to be made up before they go out.....

Koti - that's the other thing that could be getting to me.... the DD BithcesOfSchoolsville that are causing her pain, seeing her upset brakes my heart but all I can do is be here for her. And the old Mouse, regularly smashed couldn't have been that mum.

I'm so proud of her, she's so sure of her life and who she wants in it, she just wobbles now and again when these group of bitches start. I wouldn't go back to school for all of the tea in China!

Back later, Mary Poppins and colouring now. Oh, and tomorrow, I'm making apple and blackberry crumble for the first time ever! Get me!

DD and I are going to watch a film together later too...... I love her so much, she's such a spirited girl.

mouse your DD is 13? She looks so grown-up... dreading when mine get to that age, I think DH is going to keep her locked in her room

DH was in a foul mood this morning, and I nearly had a panic rush to the shop to buy something to treat myself... and it was chocolate in my mind.

Not wine. Chocolate. Possibly turned a corner, although the wine thought did occur a few minutes later. (DH has now apologised and gone to the shop to get the chocolate for me) It would be nice if there weren't any triggers, or if there were the first thing that came to mind was meditation or something calorie-free, but oh well.

I'm babbling, sorry. Hope your crumble goes okay mouse!

And saf when do you start your new job?

Joey - that photo is ages old, I'll put a newer one up..... and thanks re the crumble. I got chocolate too! Great minds eh?

Hey Mouse am OK. Tis enuf for now.
Love your profile pic,such a pretty wee mousie. Must put some pics on mine.made cherry scones with Dcs and am going to watch strictly later. He loves all the sequins!

Evening

Off to a party tonight. DH is coming too, so not as much of a trigger situation for me, but anyway I've volunteered to be designated driver and I'm taking my bottle of shloer with me. Nice to not have to worry about anything drinking-related while I'm there.

Have a happy and safe evening everyone!!

ellie have fun at the party! Being designated driver is a good idea, it takes the self-control/will I just have one etc out of your hands.

Evening, tis me, Mouse

Ellie - have a great night, DD (designated driver) is great planning

Ma - scones and sequins? 'Tis enuf for now'? Bless your heart my wonderful friend.

I so wish that there was a parallel universe out there with all the things you wanted in it, and the things you hate about this life to not be there. Ever. xxx

Right, Nemo is falling asleep, DH is eating curry in the kitchen as my appetite has fallen off the scale again (more ££££s off but I need to keep an eye on this as it's now not planned) so time for DD and The Hanger part II. I know it's rubbish and typical trashy nonsense but she laughs and I love watching that, hearing her giggle. I like it too, tis a secret pleasure!

So, be Brave Babes - hope you're all safe and sound wherever you are tonight xx

ah mouse that parallel world doesn't exist for anyone. So we take the best of this one and try and deal with the worst.
Next weekend dd will be recording a few tracks onto a CD to send to funders. I will send you a copy. She is the best thing in this world for me.

Ma - will PM you my address again. I love her voice, thank you, I feel very honored. xxxx And I know re the parallel world, I'd just rather like it if you were more than getting by with your lot my love. xxx

Just had a great time watching a film with DD, she cried laughing with me, not at me..... makes a change!

Night all xxx

G'night mouse, g'night ma, g'night all the babes

Party fab, having a great time sober

morning babes

Haven't had much time to post this week, but have been reading all the posts. What an interesting and inspiring week of posting!
I love, love ,love the bus, it is a welcoming place for all and needs to be. The label alkie label is tough, but the definition from msgee (think i may have the wrong name) works for me.

I have the bus cold, yuk! whinge, whinge, moan. Might be useful for halloween though...

I've had a few glasses this week but also avoided several occasions where i knew there would be booze and I wouldn't have the will power to say no. I'm studying hard (flipping hard, my brains been stretched) and that's helping. You can't study AND get pissed.When I did my degree, a million years ago, I didn't drink because i didn't have any money and didn't want to. Studying now is tapping into those memories and there isn't a connection to booze at all.Does that make sense?

Big wave to all the babes
Oh -goldenseptember thank you, you recommended magnesium for restless legs which has worked brilliantly. No more vile, hot, sore legs at night for me.