The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Turning Over Autumn Leaves In Search For Our Own Personal Sobriety

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm mouse and my best friend used to be vodka. We were inseparable at the time, such fun! Wild nights out, wild nights in..... danger, excitement, strangers, not knowing where I was when I woke up, oh it was all so fantastic.....

Not the case for the last couple of years or so, since I found this Bus.

Now, we are practically strangers. Don't get me wrong, I still abuse alcohol and use it to self-medicate which completely defeats all of the work I've put in, trying to see my life through sober eyes but that's just how I do things......

Anyway, that's enough about me so why not come say hello to the others on the Bus, we're all at different stages of drinking, not drinking or complete abstinence (of the drinking kind!)

No-one on the Bus wears judgy pants, nylon bloomers, leopard skin thongs? Maybe...... I wouldn't like to ask to be honest! But we are all here for the very same reason, we can't (or don't want to) control our drinking like 'normal' people do.

If you'd like to see how this all started, why not have a look HERE and read about one of the most inspirational ladies you'll ever 'know'.

You can also follow the threads, one by one, by clicking on the links on each thread towards the end, leading to the next etc......

See you soon x

Thanks aliasjoey for your kind post, really appreciate it, lot's of friends and work colleagues say that but I am always so hard on myself, think that comes from being brought up by domineering mother, also when hungover I am shockingly horrible to myself, when I'm like that I feel I just want to take a pill to stop the thoughts in my head and promise myself I am never getting so drunk and putting myself through this again but always do.

Also dh has since spoke to me about ttc and said yep he was hurt but he wants to do whatever is going to make me happy.....if only I knew!

Interesting reading everyones posts on early experiences with alcohol, I was given whisky in my bottle or on cotton wool if I had toothache. Taken to many pubs with parents and friends where it was all good fun and you you got to play, have fizzy juice crisps and parents had a big laugh around you. I was always given champagne & fresh orange at family occassions and myself and cousins were sneaking alcohol & sipping it upstairs while the parents were drinking Grandads home brew leathal wine. Granda since became an alcoholic and I saw the misery it caused my Gran and whole family. I now see my Mum going down this path but she is in such deep, deep denial. My mother thinks ok to come in and have a cider straight from work and thats ok as it's only cider, then wine with a meal, red decanted into good crystal so thats ok again as it's in expensive crystal, then when out vodka and wine for in the house, she has it all worked out....I'm terrified of that being me one day! I have made a conscious effort not to drink wine/alcohol during the week after seeing the devestating effects alcoholism has had on my family but when I go out I completely binge then have self-loathing for days and always take days off sick from work.

Every family event in my family revolves around drinking and like other poster said my Mum actively encourages me to drink. Told me she drank & smoked when pregnant with me and I'm fine. I also try to be a normal, responsible person but when drinking that goes out the window and have let my 13 year old daughter drink and do things that I wouldn't normally.

I'm so close to going to AA meeting MIFLAW but don't know, things keep stopping me, fear, guilt, denial. I feel though that alcohol has played such a big part of my life and it's not made me happy so maybe I should just try to live without it. I suppose cause I can go weeks without drinking that I feel I'm doing ok but then as soon as I have a drink I completely change. And especially wine, wine does something to my genetic make-up and knocks me for 6. Sorry also to hear your separating from your partner MIFLAW hope you can work this out so that your both in a good place.
Sorry for long, rambling post!

I'm going to go to an AA meeting. It might not be right for everyone but unless I try it, I won't know and I need to do something.

I've looked up the meetings I can get to and there is one on Friday night that I can make.

Can anyone advise if it's a good idea to phone AA first or just show up?

Oh and do you get many people breaking down in meetings cos I've a strong suspicision that the floodgates will open if I start to talk about it.

I can't listen to this song without sobbing..

STOP - RYAN ADAMS

I know a sickness so ancient and cross
No crucifix could ever fix enough
In the basement of a church these people, they talk
There is a line that must be walked
If you wanna make it stop, then stop

I know a place where the future is denied
I know a hand that twitches inside
For some of us the glass is filled with lights
But if the honey makes you sick Honey, there is a line that must be walked
If you wanna make it stop, then stop, stop

Slow down, you don't have to talk
Lie down, breathe, stop
Slow down, it's not your fault
Look around, there's so many of us
So many of us, you are not alone
Ever, ever, ever, stop

Call in the backup and the backup comes
But nobody can help you if you won't
Inside your chest, your heart is just hurt
Behind your eyes, a need replaced a want

I know a sickness so ancient and cross
No crucifix can never fix enough
I know a past when the future is lost
I know a line that must be walked
There is a darkness and there is a light
And there is a choice
For a balance to be made every night
A weakness must be found
If you want it to stop, stop, stop

My experience growing up was quite different - my mother put me right off alcohol (she insisted that there was a 1-in-3 chance that one of us kids would 'inherit' our fathers alcoholism... )

I remember my stepdad giving my younger brother a sip of beer when I was about 12 (he was 10) and I was horrified - thought it was disgusting, outrageous etc. I was actually 'scared' of alcohol until about 19 or 20 - gradually at university started drinking but not until I was 30 did it become a problem. Marital problems, stress, anxiety - wine helps to numb those feelings. So maybe my mother was right after all...

mmm, I've not seen those lyrics before- it could be about Alcoholism ^I know a sickness so ancient and cross and AA In the basement of a church these people, they talk.^

Some people do cry in meetings- don't be disarmed if people don't rush to comfort you and you certainly wouldn't be shushed. You'll be given space to talk (and cry if you need to), but people don't tend to come straight back at you with advice, that's called cross sharing and isn't usually done. What you will get, if you stick around afterwards is friendly ears and suggestions.

Good Luck lelli AA has been the answer for me.

Thanks help

The lyrics are about Ryan's long battle with alcohol. He's dry now and drinks tea in his gigs

Thanks for your insight into crying at meetings. I'm not a complete mess but this is an area that is very raw for me at the moment and there is a lot of emotion there.

Do you have a view on phoning before the first meeting or just showing up?

Its good to read that AA has been the answer for you. I owe it to myself and everyone around me to give it a go.

If you phone AA they will offer to come to your house and talk about it with you (known as making a 12th step call). Whether you say yes or no, they will also ask if you would like someone to come and accompany you to a meeting.

I took them up on the latter but not the former (I didn't have a lot of choice, I was calling them because I'd been in court having my dirving licence taken away!)

They will always send someone of your sex, too.

If you think having a woman who's been there (I'm assuming I'm still the only man here) walk you in, introduce you to people and get you a cup of tea, would help, then do call. But if you choose to go alone then that's fine too.

Some people break down. You certainly won't be the first.

I don't expect to be believed but, at the end of the day, an AA meeting is basically a bunch of people just like you, most of them not drunk, getting together in a community hall and drinking tea and talking.

It's up to you whether it's more than that, but anyone expecting wailing, gnashing of teeth, or low-level witchcraft and devil worship, is likely to be disappointed.

anyone expecting wailing, gnashing of teeth, or low-level witchcraft and devil worship, is likely to be disappointed....

not sure I will fit in then

Fed up. So tired again, and struggled to get up this morning. I was relieved when DD claimed she was poorly and I had an excuse not to take her to school. (She has got a cold, no idea whether it was worth keeping her off school for - when I'm exhausted I find it very hard to make these judgements) I'm probably coming down with something, but it hardly seems a reason to be so tired.

And I've just checked my bank balance and its screaming 'You spend too much money in Sainsburys!' at me. Worried about booking flights to see my sister next week.

5 weeks. And my only positive moment so far is that I restrained myself from telling my bat-crazy MIL to stop reading the fucking Daily Mail. Is it worth it. I know I'm not going to drink, but cannot seem to 'embrace' it.

I don't usually swear. Even about my MIL. That shows how miserable I am.

Sorry for the me-me-me.

5 weeks is brilliant joey Sorry you're fed up and well done on the restraint with Batwoman!

Aw sorry your feeling so fed up alias 5 weeks is bloody brilliant. Know exactly what you mean about tiredness making it harder to think clearly. And well done for not losing it with crazy mil (( )) hugs for you (know very un-mumsnetty but really appreciated mine the other day) x

joey don't underestimate yourself. You are fab, my lovely.

Five weeks. Five weeks? That would have seemed impossible to you not so long ago. Look back at how far you've come. You are changing habits, you are changing your future.

No it's not great. Being sober does not solve all life's problems. But being drunk is certain to make everything feel so much worse.

You probably are fighting off some virus. There's a lot around at the moment. But without this new strength, new resolve, new healthier lifestyle, you would quite possibly have succumbed to the virus and be quite poorly. As it is, you're just tired. That's ok. Rest, recuperate and hold you head up high x

thanks babes

I'm still waiting for the bright eyes, clear skin and spring in my step that comes from not drinking. I had expected some sort of 'reward' for sticking with it so long, not a nasty bank statement and DH grumbling about unnecessary flights to see my sister.

scary 'new healthier lifestyle' ? are you kidding me?!

I was in bed till 11.30am. Have had no exercise, not even walked the dog. Diet consists of chocolate, toffee sundaes and pain au chocolats. I've swapped one bad habit for another...!

Okay (trying really hard to think positively) I am making an effort to go to bed earlier and get more sleep.

Joey

You've already got the first bit of your reward. It's being able to deal with a nasty bank statement and a grumbling husband without reaching for a drink.

The rewards come gradually, so try not to wait for them. One day you will suddenly realise that something that used to be impossible is doable, and something else that was doable is now a piece of piss.

I can't remember whether you do AA or not, but a particularly apt bit of the Big Book which, in my view, applies to everyone getting better from abusive drinking, is the Step 9 promises. My favourite line is, "We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us." It's really been true for me and I hope it turns out to be so for you too, whatever solution you find.

Stay with it, stay grateful, don't forget what it was really like, and you need never drink again.

Also to endorse what others have said. If, five weeks and one day ago, someone had asked you if you fancied staying away from any drink at all for five weeks, how would you have rated your chances? Personally, I found even "one day at a time" a bit far fetched. A whole day sounded like a big ask.

And here you are now on the other side of that five weeks. Massive achievement.

MIFLAW said >> You've already got the first bit of your reward. It's being able to deal with a nasty bank statement and a grumbling husband without reaching for a drink.

[lightbulb emoticon] oh yeah I guess you're right, I hadn't thought of it like that! I did want a drink, but never considered actually going to get one, so I suppose the new habits are becoming, umm, habitual.

Thanks

joey you are really hearing your body's needs. That's why you are lazy having a lie in. You need to rest and your body knows it. Without the fog of morning hangover you can really sense what is best for you and respond appropriately. That's what I mean about being healthy. Emotionally healthy.

And if you crave sugar, so what? Your body is telling you to get that sugar from sweet snacks, not alcohol.

When we are hungry, our blood sugar is low. Our bodies know a really quick and easy way to get sugar. Drink alcohol. Our bodies know because we've trained them to know by doing it over and over again. When we are hungry, for many of us, it's an automatic reaction to crave alcohol.

But your body, joey is sending the message that it wants a toffee sundae. See how you have changed? It seems small, insignificant. It seems that you are deliberately eating instead of drinking but actually, you are re-training your brain.

You are doing so well. It will be ok, just stick with it! x x x

I'm learning so much from this Bus!

I never used to get hangovers. But if I felt really tired the next day, I could never tell for sure if it was because I'd been drinking. Now at least I can say it's NOT that, and I just need more sleep (and not feel guilty). It's like taking one uncertainty out of the equation?

You lot have made me feel better. And instead of making an quick dash to get wine, I'm spending the time usefully trying to get cheap airline tickets.

Checking in. Had hot chocolate tonight instead of wine. Sad that this a matter worth mentioning but there you go!