The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Turning Over Autumn Leaves In Search For Our Own Personal Sobriety

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm mouse and my best friend used to be vodka. We were inseparable at the time, such fun! Wild nights out, wild nights in..... danger, excitement, strangers, not knowing where I was when I woke up, oh it was all so fantastic.....

Not the case for the last couple of years or so, since I found this Bus.

Now, we are practically strangers. Don't get me wrong, I still abuse alcohol and use it to self-medicate which completely defeats all of the work I've put in, trying to see my life through sober eyes but that's just how I do things......

Anyway, that's enough about me so why not come say hello to the others on the Bus, we're all at different stages of drinking, not drinking or complete abstinence (of the drinking kind!)

No-one on the Bus wears judgy pants, nylon bloomers, leopard skin thongs? Maybe...... I wouldn't like to ask to be honest! But we are all here for the very same reason, we can't (or don't want to) control our drinking like 'normal' people do.

If you'd like to see how this all started, why not have a look HERE and read about one of the most inspirational ladies you'll ever 'know'.

You can also follow the threads, one by one, by clicking on the links on each thread towards the end, leading to the next etc......

See you soon x

Ellie

How old is your child? If he/she is 3 or younger and wouldn't really understand what is going on (or recognise members outside the rooms) then one solution would be to take your child with you to meetings and let him/her sleep in the buggy in the corner. Not ideal, but it's been done ...

If not, could you get a neighbour or babysitter to look after him/her? If you're worried about awkward questions, just say you have to go to a meeting at the Church Hall ...

MIFLAW eldest is too old for that unfortunately. haven't really thought outside the 'family' box in terms of childcare, but now you mention it I suspect there would be people at my church who would be willing to baby sit. Just kind of bugs me that the one local meeting I'd feel really comfortable with due to location is at a time I can't make because of, as ever, my DH being at work at the weekends. Will look more seriously at evening meetings elsewhere and try to find a baby sitter

In the meantime though I have just booked an initial counselling appointment with a local charity, so feeling like I've made a positive move to do something about it.

Surely once you open the baby sitting "box" then you could find a sitter for the weekend too if that meeting is the one you want?

Also, I don't know where, or if, you work, but in bigger towns don't discount lunchtime meetings if the kids are in school/childcare. These often have more women, too, if that is an issue for you.

And well done on booking the counselling. Even though I've been in AA for some time and found it the only solution that works for me, I don't begin to pretend that other things can't help too or that AA provides a solution to all my problems.

If anyone in AA ever does tell you that, run a mile (or at least as far as the next closest meeting)!

They are early morning meetings on a Saturday, I just don't think it would be feasible to find someone to look after the kids at that time. But yes, I shall look at lunch time meetings too. Good idea.

At least I have the whole God bit of AA sorted already!

"At least I have the whole God bit of AA sorted already!"

I wish I did, but then I've only been going for 11 years ...

ellie all i can tell you is that doors open when you take a positive step. it sounds silly but it's true. i spent a long time telling people on here that it would be impossible for me to go to aa because i was a single parent, because i didn't drive and the meetings were at night on the other side of town and there were no buses to bring me home etc etc.

once i decided to try going once things fell into place and more doors opened including meeting another single mother who was at about the same stage as me sobriety wise and had a son of the same age and with whom my son has had a couple of sleepovers to allow me to go to meetings whilst my parents were away in the summer.

doors open. you just have to get started on a path and things do open up.

hey kotinka she is pretty mature, can be a bit arsey but in general pretty decent, will speak to her to her and see what she thinks about it. Spoke to dh earlier about going back on pill. He is home as on night shift and I don't work a tuesday. He just said nothing, I gave all my reasons for why ttc is not a good idea. He just sat saying nothing, then got up, walked out room and went back to bed. I just feel like argh fk off. Think he can be quite controlling, do sometimes feel trapped in the relationship and think that's another reason why I binge and never want to come home. Can't stop thinking of young guy who's flat I ended up at on Friday night, know that's not a good idea and need to stop! Hope everyones mondays going well. MIFLAW I've thought of AA quite a few times and know where nearest meeting is and e-mailed a guy from there, keep having excuses why I don't go, think part of me wants to be able to manage to be a normal, social drinker

Clutter

I think that goal - to be a normal, social drinker - is one that a lot of people bring to AA and keeps still more from going at all.

When I first attended I was 27 and I basically thought, "I'm going to take what you people say about your serious drinking problems; apply it to my own, much less serious, drinking problem; and that will teach me how to drink in a more controlled way."

Based on the fact that I no longer drink at all, ever, no matter what goes wrong, I will leave you to guess whether or not that approach worked for me.

I think that you need to ask yourself honestly, before you do anything else, why, if you really want to be a controlled social drinker, you haven't achieved it yet?

Before you put your tracksuit on, remember there is a difference between wanting to be able to run without getting out of breath, and wanting to be able to fly. If you happen not to be a bird, you can train as hard as you like and the latter will always elude you.

Hello lovely people.

Some of you might remember that I was around here a few months ago and was doing quite well at restricting my drinking to weekends only.

Well I'm sad to say that back to where I was and feeling quite low about it. I think I've been kidding myself that I can do controlled drinking and I find that quite scary.

I'm interested in the AA stuff that's been discussed recently as I almost went to a meeting a while back. I do have a lot of difficulty accepting that I need that level of help, it seems like tatooing.. IM AN OUT OF CONTROL DRUNK.. on my forehead.

I am so glad that you are all here and appreciate the support.

"it seems like tatooing.. IM AN OUT OF CONTROL DRUNK.. on my forehead." If you drink enough to consider attending AA then every time you drink you have that tattoo on your forehead.

The difference is that, if you turn up drunk to an AA meeting, only other (ex-)drunks see it; if you turn up sober to an AA meeting, no one sees it; if you drink in front of friends or family, ALL OF THEM see it, and a few strangers besides.

Nothing to lose, everything to gain.

MIFLAW thank you. I can't tell you how much I needed to hear that.

I need to conquer this fear I have of going. The fear of not going is even stronger.

You're welcome.

I'm not one to boast, especially in AA, but when I was about 4 years' sober there was a guy who would come to meetings and then leave halfway through. It was clear from what he said when he was there that he hadn't stopped drinking.

One night I followed him out and caught up with him (I sometimes do this in case someone has been put off by the "God" stuff - I like to reassure them that it is not as take-it-or-leave-it as it sounds). My advice to him was, "keep coming back to AA until you have a better idea."

Saw him last night; I'm now 10 years' sober, he's about 5 or 6.

Good, eh?

But presumably, like me, he's still waiting for that "better idea" to strike him ...

Did you struggle with trying to control drinking yourself before you went to a meeting MIFLAW?

And do you still regularly attend meetings?

Yes, but on a conscious level at least I didn't struggle very hard. I mainly tried to control my drinking by buying less or starting later and hoping that witchcraft would occur. It rarely did, and only ever lasted for a day or two.

I first arrived in AA after a day out at Canterbury Magistrates' Court for driving down country lanes after 6 pints of Kronembourg (more "controlled drinking" - I was counting, "Well, you're allowed four units, and by now the first four pints will have worn off, so ...) My first year in AA was marked by periods of not drinking, during which, by and large, things went okay; then minor mishaps; then drinking again, which was never as easy to stop as I had planned and during which, by and large, things went badly. My last drink was after 6 months of continued sobriety in AA. From the minute I tasted the first drink to when I put it down four days later, it was as if nothing had changed. Those six months had taught me plenty about staying sober, but absolutely FUCK ALL about controlling my drinking.

That was 10 years ago this December. I have not drunk since. I attend regular AA meetings (minimum one a week, though I used to do quite a few more when I was new around) in which I sit near the front, listen to others, and "share" (i.e. speak about how things are for me); I try to live by the principles set out in the 12 Steps and the serenity prayer; I acknowledge there are many things in life I cannot change so I had better deal with them; I try to stay grateful; I remember what drinking was like; I try to help others for the purely selfish reason that doing so helps me; and I never forget what I am.

When I drank I found the idea of not drinking literally unimaginable. At the end, I thought, "If this is my life WITH a drink, how dreadful will it be WITHOUT a drink?" Today, the worst day sober is better than my best day drinking and you could not pay me enough to drink alcohol. That doesn't mean I will never drink again; I don't know what's round the corner or how I'll cope with it. It does mean that I will never drink again as long as sanity prevails.

It's so helpful to read about your experiences MIFLAW and scary to realise that after 6 months of sobriety you went straight back to the way you were.

I think I am now realising that I'm not going to be able to control my drinking over any length of time and that is very frightening. Also I'm angry at myself for getting to this stage but best channel that into doing something about it I suppose.

10 years sober..wow that's incredible.

Evening, tis me, Mouse

I'm beyond tired.

Welcome to £0f , sorry about the lack of food, I'm not here as much now that i have to take Nemo (DS with SN) to preschool. I'll try have a reserve stash set up

Saf - love this line doors open. you just have to get started on a path and things do open up. - LOVE IT!!

MIFLAW - I've missed you! Great to see you back here so much.

Right, I'm going out to see a fiend who sent an SOS text this afternoon, no idea what's up, hoping she's okay. I'd planned a night in my PJs. With Maltesers.

Oh well, friends are for a reason

Be back tomorrow at some point xxxx

clutter I once asked one of my many counsellors how she managed with all the traumas she listened to (not specifically from me, just generally) and she told me that they have to have regular meetings with a supervisor so that THEY have support.

Once again I can see you taking on responsbilities that are not yours! I bet you are the kindest most helpful person when it comes to other people - I hope you can be kind to yourself. Did your DH take your news about not TTC as a rejection of him (especially following last Friday)? I hope he understands your reasons ie. you need to look after yourself and current family (including him!) and not take on more stress...

night babes

Booze free zone here tonight. My poor brain hurts after reading course material and I have a cold- but at least I won't have a cold + hangover tomorrow
Kotinka how's the course going? Do you have 'hurty brain syndrome' too?

joey you sound so strong and well these days. How long have you been sober?
Night all.

guggs 5 weeks! (either today or tomorrow - am starting to lose count) I would not say well, I can honestly say that the 'benefits' of being sober have never applied to me, especially since I didn't usually get hangovers. I'm tired all the time and my body aches. But I remind myself that in this state + alcohol I would feel even more tired, at the end of the evening I struggle to get off the sofa.

And mentally, yes I do feel stronger. Am starting to think about controlled drinking, but not ready for it yet. Maybe next week.

How are you doing?

alias I would put it off for as long as possible if I were you. You are in for such a disappointment. Drinking really isn't 'all that'. But that's just my experience x

MIFLAW how much do you reckon you've saved through not drinking. In a purely financial sense, I mean?

Bottle of wine/couple of pints of beer a day = £5 a day
£35 a week
£140 a month
£1,680 a year
£16,800 over 10 years

Even if you halve that it's still a good chunk of your mortgage paid off!

I seem to be spending all my booze money on chocolate and toffee fudge sundaes to compensate

The most positive aspect to being sober so far is that I managed to stay calm and not be rude to my MIL last Friday.