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Original poster

Found some Viagra...

85 replies

crazygracieuk · 23/09/2012 22:21

Married to dh for 10+ years, 3 kids, no plans for more and he is 41 years old.

I accidentally found an empty box of Viagra in the car. Prescription date is 11 September and all 4 had been taken. We have had sex once and I really don't think that he's cheating.

Should I ask him what's going on or pretend not to know and save him the embarrassment?

Sex has dwindled a lot. I'd put it down to him exercising a lot more and dieting.

OP posts:
Viking1 · 24/09/2012 09:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
crazygracieuk · 24/09/2012 10:30

I couldn't ask last night as something came up and it wasn't a good time to ask. I will ask tonight though.

His name is on the box and he bought it at Lloyds Pharmacy near his work (not home) so it must be prescribed over the counter.

I am going to bring up the subject of Viagra tonight and see if he confesses. He's usually a bad liar (very honest) so it will be easy to see if he has a guilty reaction.

I had a nosedive in libido after the kids were born so I understand if he'd be embarrassed.

I think the diet/exercise thing is a turning 40 thing. His goal was to lose the moobs and have a flat stomach which he's achieved but continued to exercise as hard as ever.

He's not the type to go to the GP. Any tips to get him to go? Maybe I should have said thus earlier but he is also a total insomniac.

OP posts:
mcmooncup · 24/09/2012 10:47

Sorry to be all finicky but how do you know he is a bad liar?

By definition, we would never be able to recognise a good liar.

I'm actually a total optimist and I hate to be all negative about this. But, just, but, there are a lot of bad signs. And as we see over and over, people lie so amazingly and just be prepared for that, and don't go in thinking you will be able to tell if he is lying. Even lie detectors are not 100%.

Original poster
crazygracieuk · 24/09/2012 10:59

I suppose he's been lying by omission and if I hadn't found them then Ai wouldn't have known.

Curious how sex with Viagra differs to sex without. We both managed to orgasm and he seemed to enjoy the orgasm. Is there something else?

OP posts:
FaintingGoat · 24/09/2012 11:08

Just because the packet is empty doesn't mean he has taken them. He may have put them in something else that doesn't have "Viagra" written on it, to save embarrassment. He may have taken one, or none of them, there is only one way to know. I hope it's not the red flag scenario :(

Tamoo · 24/09/2012 11:13

It seems strange that someone would take it before leaving work; given the time it takes to kick in, he must have been expecting to have sex as soon as he got home? Isn't it more usual to take it shortly before you to go to bed?

Also seems strange that he would keep it elsewhere than at home.

Also, re. checking bank accounts for suspicious withdrawals etc: it doesn't necessarily cost money to have an affair.

I guess it's possible he is using it for masturbation although speaking from personal experience (ex used viagra) my ex didn't need it for masturbation, his erectile problems only manifest during sex.

EnglishNotMy1stLanguage · 24/09/2012 11:53

I might be ridiculous but it just came into my thoughts:

...What is he is spyking someone else's drinks...? But than I don't have a clue if Viagra works on women...but ....it doesn't need to be a woman, hey?

So sorry OP, nothing personal about you or your H, just expressing my thoughts about your thread.

dysfunctionalme · 24/09/2012 12:04

You seem sure he's not cheating so that's a plus.

Now we just need to find out why the box was in his car, and when he's been taking 'em.

Do report back..

mcmooncup · 24/09/2012 12:09

If he is home at 8, and you had sex once since the prescription date......what time did you have sex on that occasion?

MadAboutHotChoc · 24/09/2012 12:12

Often the really honorable ones can be very vulnerable to cheating - if they are attracted to someone else (and let's face it we all do have moments when we are attracted to other people) they think it must mean something.

9/10 of cheaters on here were described as not the type to cheat...

Most affairs take place during work hours - e.g lunchtimes, fake meetings and seminars etc so that they arrive home at the usual time...

AnyFucker · 24/09/2012 12:13

I see this scenario

He has been to the doc's for a "male MOT" thing. All the GP surgeries are trying to get men to take better care of their health, as they are notoriously bad at it

He sees GP...gets told he is a bit overweight, a bit unfit. Middle age is looming so he takes the advice to try and improve his CV fitness. Whilst there, doc asks about the bedroom dept, any issues there ? He says yes, sometimes the wood fails etc etc.

GP writes private prescription for Viagra. He is embarassed to tell you, so puts the pills in his wallet (or whatever), leaves the box in the car meaning to dispose of it later, forgets.

He took the ones you can't account for to see what happened on his own, before he springs all-singing, all-dancing erection on you

Does this work ?

Mumofjz · 24/09/2012 12:13

What kind of workmates does he have? ie - is this something they would have arranged between them, someone to go and get the prsecrioption for each of them to take one for later use????

Certainly didn't know you could just get them over the counter (as such) - may have to send hubby for some ;)

But seriously, just ask him :)

Original poster
crazygracieuk · 24/09/2012 12:27

He works as a project manager in a boring multinational. If he was to have an affair it would probably be a work colleague as he spends most of his day there.

I reckon he's embarrassed and I hope that we can talk about it without him feeling under more pressure. I've had 3 kids do know what it's like for libido to disappear.

I will be asking him tonight.

OP posts:
EnglishNotMy1stLanguage · 24/09/2012 13:53

Hopefully he as a perfect reasonable reason. X

Taghain · 24/09/2012 14:20

He's not the type to go to the GP He must have done.
So far as I know, you can only get Viagra if it's prescribed by a doctor, it's not an OTC drug.
If he's bought it online, he wouldn't have used Lloyds.
Something isn't quite adding up.

OneMoreChap · 24/09/2012 14:30

Taghain Mon 24-Sep-12 14:20:39
So far as I know, you can only get Viagra if it's prescribed by a doctor, it's not an OTC drug. If he's bought it online, he wouldn't have used Lloyds.

At least if you're going to scare the OP, have enough sense to check first!

I's quite possible to get it online from there; see

onlinedoctor.lloydspharmacy.com/mens-health/ed/erectile-dysfunction-treatments

Malificence · 24/09/2012 14:34

Whatever happened to honesty and openness within a marriage?
Embarrassment has no place in a relationship either.

Not to mention the inability to ask a simple question - "Why is there an empty box of viagra in your car DH? " Job done. Probably followed by "you berk, why didn't you say something instead of sneaking off to the doctors behind my back?"
You should actually be the judge of how reliable his erections are in any case, presumably you share a bed with him?

Good quality erections are a good way of knowing a man is generally healthy, especially a man over 40, if there is an absence of reflex erections, it's time to checked out medically, if a GP is giving out viagra like sweets without any investigation, it can do more harm than good.

I would want to know why he has got viagra when there have been no signs of ED.

OneMoreChap · 24/09/2012 14:49

Malificence Mon 24-Sep-12 14:34:29
Whatever happened to honesty and openness within a marriage?

Very true, as it goes...
Embarrassment has no place in a relationship either.

Nonsense. All sorts of things are embarrassing to all sorts of people. Whether they are in a relationship or not. Depends upon their history and background, inter alia.

Good quality erections are a good way of knowing a man is generally healthy

OK, I'll bite. Cite for that fact please?
Lack of erections can be an indicator for a range of conditions, diabetes, heart disease and so on. Not seen the converse stated.

Malificence · 24/09/2012 15:32

It seems that when one argumentative know it all finally disappears from this board, he is quickly replaced with another.
You're just another in a long line of men who just love telling "da wimmin" how they are wrong.
Do us all a favour and piss off.

shouldkeepquiet · 24/09/2012 15:35

He is my age and 41 is prime mid-life crisis time. I decided to run a marathon! (Still trying to get there -it's a bloody long way!!) He is probably thinking i wonder what that viagra stuff is all about ( i've thought the same TBH) wonder if it will make me feel like i did when i was 22 ect. He got a packet and took them to see what happens to the old fella. Not something he is probably going to discuss with you over dinner hence the packet in the car. A mate might have given him one, in a packet with three already gone. I was given one once by a friend like this but lost it.

Malificence · 24/09/2012 15:44

Only an extremely stupid, selfish and vain man would take viagra to "see what it was like" without telling his partner.
God, do some men really think like this , really ?

I'm so glad I'm not married to one of them, Jesus I despair on this baord sometimes, some women are married to utter morons.

Shouldkeepquiet should be renamed shouldreadthethreadproperly, OP has already said that the script box has his name on it!

shouldkeepquiet · 24/09/2012 15:50

Ok relax
Did miss the part with his name on the box.
Yes some men will take things like viagra to see what all the fuss is about. It's a realistic senario.
I would not keep this secrete myself but some people are funny about admitting they might be stuggling sexually.
As you said she is only really going to get to the bottom of it by asking him, otherwise we and she are really just guessing.

mcmooncup · 24/09/2012 16:14

Hmmm take it 4 times just to see what it's like??

mcmooncup · 24/09/2012 16:15

And really you will definitely get to the bottom of it just by asking??

CuriousMama · 24/09/2012 16:20

I'm amazed you've been able to keep quiet? I'd be stomping. He shouldn't keep this from you if it's in all innocence. There can be health implications from taking viagra. A friend's bf took it and his erection stayed all night and he needed to see the GP. I would imagine it warns of this?

I just find it all so very fishy.