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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Just can't get my head around it all

11 replies

MissJayTea · 21/09/2012 18:40

Its one week since h moved out leaving me alone with 3 dc to take care of.

I cannot get my head around it at all. I've spent this week trying to sort out my benefits and trying to maintain some resemblance of normality for dc.

My head is spinning and I'm so tired. Please tell me it gets easier.

OP posts:

puds11 · 21/09/2012 18:42

You poor thing. Its a massive adjustment to make. Is he being reasonable? What financial and childcare support can you expect from him?

homesick247 · 21/09/2012 18:47

i'll tell you a secret. it will get better, so much better. in fact, maybe even better than before. you must believe me. the only downside is that you are going to have to give it time. be strong. x

Teansympathy · 21/09/2012 18:54

Oh my love I do feel for you but trust us girlies who have been there and got the teeshirt as the old cliche goes, it does get better band you will get your head around it hard so hard as it is just now, try being kind to yourself , do you have good friends family?who will support you through your time of need , it will come slowly and you will rebuild your live for YOU and your KIDS they will be your shining light honestly , stay strong you will get there BIG hugs to you x

glitch · 21/09/2012 19:05

It will get easier. I'm 2 months in and it is much much better.

CremeEggThief · 21/09/2012 19:12

Yes, it does, and pour yourself some as a reward for being so incredibly pro-active in your first week, when so many can't even face getting out of bed.

That said, you will be very up and down for a while. It is 15 weeks today since my STBXH left me for an O.W. and I am feeling really, really down, bordering on depression, this evening. But in the hand scheme of things, 15 weeks isn't very much at all.

So, look after yourself, keep busy and in a routine, but don't get overwhelmed and plan too far ahead , and expect to have the odd day, but these will reduce as time goes on.

CremeEggThief · 21/09/2012 19:13

grand, not hand!

OhWesternWind · 21/09/2012 19:15

It does get easier and easier. Although you will have wobbles, particularly at first, these will gradually get to be fewer and further apart. You are strong and brave and coping so well, even if it feels like things are a chaotic mess. You'll develop new routines and life will settle down. One day, believe me, you will be happy with the life you have and feel excitement at all sorts of new possibilities that have opened up for you.

itsallinmyhead · 22/09/2012 01:02

My heart goes out to you OP.

I can guarantee you will smile again & promise you it does get easier.

There is most definitely life after a breakup. A great life!

Can I just tell you how impressed I am to read that you're already taking control of your new future & making the big decisions affecting your life by sorting out your benefits etc. Many others would not have the strength for such practicalities so soon!

skyebluesapphire · 22/09/2012 01:18

so sorry, my STBXh left me at February, with no prior warning, only 1 DD though, but 7 months on, Im in such a better place than I thought I would be. I thought Id never get over it, but you start to come to terms with it in time

CogitoErgoSometimes · 22/09/2012 07:44

I'm sorry about what's happened. What you're experiencing is essentially grief. It's horrendous at first but, over time, you'll start to have more good days than bad days. Some things that can help the process

Be with people that love you and accept their help. Friends, family, anyone you trust. The more people you talk to and the more support you get, the easier it'll feel
Stay busy. One advantage of having three children is that this won't be difficult. It's good that you're sorting out benefits etc because that's constructive. It'll be the quiet, down times of day/night that are more challenging.
Allow yourself to cry, shout, have fun. Holding it together isn't a bad thing but, if you keep your emotions too much in check, it can backfire. Another good reason to be with friends.
Also, relating to the above. It's OK for your children to know you're having a bad day or that you're feeling sad. Not to the point that you're leaning on them for support but just so that they know the truth and feel included.

Good luck

BollocksToKarma · 22/09/2012 10:25

2 years in and it's friggin brilliant. Wish he'd left sooner to be honest.

Hang in there, it's does get better but it takes time. Don't be too hard on yourself, forget about everyone else outside of your home and concentrate on you and the kids.

Beware...people may seem like your friend but may be only there for the gossip, you will find out who is worth the effort though and that in itself is worth it's weight in gold.

Oh, and take advantage of those high days to make the big decisions and get work done use the low days to have a cry, get a takeaway and be miserable.

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