BB, I’ll probably not get your CAT until tomorrow and I’m at uni until teatime but I’ll defo get back to you by tomorrow night. In the mean time, like I said, don’t despair.
Tribot, this isn’t an attack at you but what you spelt out in your post is exactly the shallow, easy, patronising, get out of jail free cards that all the worst women’s magazines spout – so I’m blaming them not you, I hope you can see the difference. It’s so easy to be seduced by the ‘I’m a woman and I am powerful and have choices and needs and rights” that is typical of this empty rhetoric.
You say, “On the other hand, there are some key indicators for the "trying to get a bloke to act not like a bloke" thing that women have a tendency to do:
- expect him to talk about things openly and directly
- be willing to read self-help books
- be willing to consider counselling at anything other than gunpoint.”
By expecting him to talk openly and directly, you mean the way you (not personally) want to frame things. Well compromise works both ways, and when you have a ‘strong’ woman ‘demanding’ to be heard no one is empowered. Men and women are individuals and the way to get through to each other is by knowing each other not falling back on vulgar and meaningless platitudes that work in 2D articles but most commonly end up in ‘partners’ being unwilling to compromise and so separate.
‘Read self help books” – if my DP shoved one of these in my face I would leave him. All they spout is exactly the same generalisations that will guarantee you never chime with one another. Too easy, too late. It tales more work that reading crap prose to save relationships.
“…counselling” only if you are willing to face your demons too and accept that if you admit to any you deal with them on your own time, not joint time, ask no favours and expect no back slaps for doing the very least you can do.
I can falsify you claim that blokes just ‘don’t do stuff like that” ie, try very hard to make their relationships work in the face of staggeringly stupid people of both genders who listen more to strangers on a website than they do their life partners.
My god, that’s a bit strong and I’m not diminishing Mumsnet or my friends on here for a moment. But a friend who only feeds you platitudes is no friend al all, that, is in fact why I like Mumsnet above other parents forums – I’m put thru the ringer often times and I’m a better person for it. But never, even if I post on here about DP, would I assume that anyone knew more about our relationship that us both did. I’d appreciate the advice, but I’d never leave the person I created another child with for it. Relationships are bloody hard, not all the time and forever of course but anyone who says otherwise is Anne Widdecombe. Abuse is abuse but tough love is tough love too. The trick is to know the difference.
Sorry for the long post but if I really swallowed all the stuff that passes for power feminsim these days I'd be a basket case, literally.