the more you love them, the less respect they have for you?

[IKnowItsMyFaultBut]

Has anybody else found this? The more I love a man, the worse he seems to treat me.

"However, I do wonder at some less conventionally attractive women who have truly devoted partners."

You mean 'ugly women'... ? Blimey. You're starting to sound like that reporter who claimed everyone hated her because she was so pretty. LOL!

Leaving the prejudice to one side, there's certainly something to be said for dating people who like your personality and respect you as an individual rather than the type that sees you across a crowded bar as 'up for a shag' and doesn't really want to get to know you..... How/where do you meet these men OP?

What did you learn about relationships when growing up?. What sort of example did your parents set you?.

I can sense you think you're quite attractive and this is your problem?

I know it's a harsh, prejudicial thing to think. But it does make me wonder!

I've met these men in normal places; uni, work, a dating website. Certainly not bars. Too shy!

No one owes you love, no matter how much you might decide to love him/her. It is a bit of a burden to be the centre of someone else's universe, particularly when you are not that into the other person in the first place.
Basically, there is more to life than love, and if you want a romantic couple-relationship, make sure that whoever you are having it with is at least willing to have a relationship with you on the level that you would like. If he isn't, move on. Hanging around and bleating and tying yourself in knots trying to 'make' someone love you back is a waste of effort and actually not all that ethical.

There is self esteem issues to be solved here op. Size 12 isn't big at all. You should have showed him the door....it was his problem not yours

I think they do 'owe' you if they promise it. Or at least an explanation and apology.

• resolved not solved

Only with my abusive ex

Promise is not set in stone, please wise up. Not even wows are these days. Come on op

'I love you' are the three most meaningless words on the planet if they are not backed up by actions. Some use 'I love you' purely as a cynical way to get what they want. As said above, if you see that's happening don't stick around hoping things will improve because they won't. Don't even stick around for an explanation or an apology because the chances are a) they won't apologise and b) any explanation will be a big long list of your alleged faults. Always be alive to the moment where it starts to go awry, take the initiative and end it.

I think being at the centre of someone's universe must be very trying.

And I think it helps to separate out the fiction (found in films, books, fairy tales) about a perfect relationship, and look instead to the things that bring people to go through life together as a well matched team after the novel, heady, hormone fuelled early days are over. Things like mutual respect and kindness.

Yes, it was my fault he was sleeping with prostitutes. There is something soul destroying to find that the man you love is so digusted by you, that he'd rather get into serious debt to pay for prostitutes than touch you.

I wonder if you are the gf of that bloke who came here a while ago saying he preferred porn to sex now his gf was a size 12 which constituted being "larger"... "normal" across all women was supposedly 6-10...

Wow. Perhaps those "less conventionally pretty women" have devoted partners because they are much nicer people than you OP. Or perhaps those partners find them attractive uN a way you you don't because they seem them as whole human beings rather than just judging on looks.

And perhaps you have bad luck with partners because you are superficial in terms of what you look for in a relationship.

Not stealth bragging here but DH is v good looking and when we were still on the night out seen he often had women making passes at him in front of me. Sometimes those women are more attractive than me. (I'm not putting myself down here, just being honest.)

By your reasoning, why doesn't he just cheat on me then? Because he loves me! Because our relationship is much more meaningful than simply fancying eachother (although we definitely do). Because we laugh 20 times a day. Because we enjoy our lives together. And because we made promises to eachother and have now got a LO on the way.

But that's shocking because i don't look like Kate Moss, right?

An jeez some big issues here with you which yes, in no way diminishes the crap these dickheads have put you through but still, you keep picking them and then coming out with crap about love being about putting someone at the centre of the universe and not understanding how anyone can love an ugly woman...

Do you think these men know they do it I know it's not an excuse. Just wanted to throw that question in the pot if no one minded

Maybe I can offer some insight given I am fucking fit although am a size 12 not an 8 and DH is a bit of a minger in the conventional sense of course... I love him and fancy him because I'm not shallow and trivial...

Ok, I think I may have phrased this badly. It just seems odd that in a world obessessed with physical perfection, some people seem to trump that and it doesn't matter. Yet for others, putting on half a stone or getting spot makes them worthless.

Offred you just made me properly chortle.

Pickes my love hope you are have a good weekend as a new mummy.

They are less attractive in your opinion

"Yes, it was my fault he was sleeping with prostitutes"

I'm guessing he told you that. What you've probably experienced are a sequence of emotionally abusive relationships. This is not your fault, exactly, but you may be inadvertently drawn to similar personality types which makes a repeat outcome more likely. Have you ever gone through the exercise of listing what it was these men had in common? What attracted you to them in the first place? Emotionally abusive men, for example, are often very 'full on' in the early days of a romance, bombarding their target with messages and gifts, wanting to be together 24/7. Flattering on the one hand but can also be a sign that they are domineering types who will lose interest once they think you're under control.

If you can identify any commonalities in their behaviour you can maybe avoid a repeat experience by being more alert to these characteristics in someone else. If you can spot any similarities in your behaviour, that's another area to address

I knew I'd get flamed for this, Looks do matter in relationships though.

In once sense, it actually proves that men are less shallow than I thought.

"Yet for others, putting on half a stone or getting spot makes them worthless."

You're looking at this through the wrong end of a telescope. If you put on half a stone and your boyfriend thinks this makes you worthless... he is the one with the personality defect... not you.

Looks are just a very small part of the overall picture.

So what did you learn about relationships when growing up?.