DH hit DD this morning for no reason

[Chainoffools]

I have name changed because I don't want this issue muddied by another issue I've posted in Relationships about recently.

This morning DD aged 4 got up, got herself a book and climbed into bed with us. She kept bumping the corners of the book into us by accident (we were still dozing but it was time to get up really). I got up, went for a shower, and when I came back to the bedroom DH was telling DD off.

And then he smacked her on her back, no warning. Not hard enough to hurt her but hard enough to show he was angry. I don't do smacking btw, although he has done it a couple of times and I've always pulled him up on it.

I sent her off to get dressed and asked him what that was all about. He said "she's getting on my nerves and I'm tired and irritable."

I told him it was completely unacceptable. He disagreed. Then dd was back in the room and all discussion had to stop.

I've brought the subject back up with him tonight after the dc were asleep. These are some of the things he said:

"You're insulting my family ... because that's how I was brought up."

"We'll have to agree to disagree."

"She was being a pest."

"She'd hurt me with the corner of the book."

"It wasn't a hit."

"I hit her harder when I was playing drums on her back tonight."

Him: "Your parents dragged you through nettles!"
Me: "yes and my dad still feels a shit for that."
Him: "You still love him."

Me: "she has rights as a person..."
Him: (incredulously) "she's 4!"
Me: "she's a person! She has the same rights as me!"
Him: "she's a minor! She doesn't have the same rights!"

"I'm sorry, but she (etc etc blah blah)" then later "what's your point? I've already apologised."

"She's hardly going to be traumatised by that is she."

"Duly noted." (final word, look of 'oh I'll go along with it to shut you up')

Am I overeacting to be thinking of taking my dc and leaving him over this?

Sorry but IMO it would have been forgivable if he had accepted he had done wrong and apologised, then moved forward and there would be no chance of it happening again, but none of this appears to have happened and like an alcoholic or any other type of abuser until you admit that you're doing wrong and face up to it/fix it, there remains a danger

crackcrack yes because life isn't all black and white.

Having read through the linked thread it is clear that there are other issues so this is not an isolated incident and I think OP will need to see it in that context too..
All the best OP, only you know best - only you know how exactly it is.

I was smacked as a child and I think it does do damage. I was frightened of my parents and I would never want my children to feel that way about me. It's true they can drive you to the edge of sanity but I have never come close to raising a finger to either of my dc's. Am currently going through hideous newborn sleepless screaming phase with ds2 whilst contending with pnd and even this could not drive me to hit either of them. As the adults are we not supposed to be the ones showing a little self control? Dh disagrees with the fear of your parents aspect incidentally. He thinks it's healthy to be a bit scared of parental authority although would still never smack. Having said that he is bigger softie than me so prob load of hot air.