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Original poster

The great yawning chasm that is one night stand rejection.....

51 replies

ONSidiot · 12/09/2012 19:08

So one year post divorce. I have had no dealings/interest or anything else in men during the year, I decided to give myself a time out to reassess how I was feeling, what I wanted, who I am etc etc.

And its been great, I no longer feel lonely at night, I have a great routine and i'm happy on my own. Except for sex. I missed the sex Grin

Soooooo and here it comes.....I went out for a night out with some friends and met a bloke, instant sexual chemistry, lots of flirting, ended the night with a kiss and exchanged numbers. Chatted and texted over the next few weeks. I made it MORE than clear that I was only looking for some no strings fun, no interest in any kind of a relationship (and just in case you aren't already screaming at the screen SLLAAAAAAGGGG) that to be honest I was just looking for a fuck buddy. He was in complete agreement, that was all he wanted etc etc. So we arrange to meet up (obviously for sex)...The sex happens, it was good, we chat for a bit and part on good terms.

I felt AMAZING the next day, I was so glad to have finally got over the hurdle of 'first man since divorce'...I decided to leave contacting him. And later that night he texts asking how I am, that he had had a good night the night before. So I decide to reply 'yes fine, enjoyed myself too, glad you're having a good day'...he texts again flirting and I reply with 'how about a repeat next week if you are free' and so begins the aching, rejection filled SILENCE. This was 48 hours ago.

I don't subscribe to maybe he has died, lost his phone, had his hand cut off. So the only other option is he doesn't want to hook up again. Also known as 'I don't rate you in bed and do not want to sleep with you again'

My phone is mocking me with its silence. I would have been quite happy with a 'sorry not really into another hook up x'. I would have been happy with 'no'. But the silence.......AAARRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH

OP posts:
SPsFanjoSponsoredByOrange · 12/09/2012 19:11

I had this silence after just a date then found out the next day he was a lying basterd. The silence was because his pregnant girlfriend read the text Shock

You never know his hands may have fallen off,. Least you have that one night and you can move on now with a skip in your step for more sex Grin

rubyrubyruby · 12/09/2012 19:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
ONSidiot · 12/09/2012 19:13

No he is completely non relationship wanting, thats why I picked him Grin

Oh shit, i'm horrible in bed aren't I.

I do have a slight skip though, actually more of a swagger Wink

OP posts:
rubyrubyruby · 12/09/2012 19:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
ONSidiot · 12/09/2012 19:15

I shouldn't LOL ruby but that is frigging funny

OP posts:
SPsFanjoSponsoredByOrange · 12/09/2012 19:17

ruby Grin

Enjoy the swagger OP.

After my sons dad left I didn't get with anyone til 5 month after. Everyone knew I had had sex as I was stupidly cheerful.

I was in a "isn't this a wonderful world, listen to the birds sing that magicial song and the sun shines bright with happy thoughts" trance the day after Grin

Original poster
ONSidiot · 12/09/2012 20:06

That was me....I was FLOATING, until I got caught up in the flirty texting and the black black silence after Hmm

OP posts:
SPsFanjoSponsoredByOrange · 12/09/2012 20:08

Keep enjoying the swagger til another comes along and makes the "sun shine brighter" Grin

deleted203 · 12/09/2012 20:11

I don't suppose the sex was crap! You enjoyed it, sounds like he did and he was obviously polite enough or feeing cheerful enough to text the next day saying he'd had a good time. And to respond flirtily. I would think he simply panicked at the idea of you saying 'how about another go?'. Perhaps in his head he's thinking 'oh oh...she said she didn't want a relationship - but women always say this...at this very moment she's sitting starry eyed at how wonderful I was in bed and picking out our children's names....You know what men are like! You had a great time and it's his loss if he doesn't want another amazing night with a woman who just wants a shag. Now you've taken the plunge find another one. Plenty of other guys who are happy with no strings sex. And you're not a slag. You're an independent woman. Good for you!

Conflugenglugen · 12/09/2012 20:15

No, ONSidiot, you are not horrible in bed. It's just that you don't know what he's thinking, and so you have jumped to that conclusion.

How about remaining with the lovely afterglow and deciding that you're not going to try and know? Any attempt otherwise is taking you into hypothetical territory, and with that generally comes the self-recriminations and the I'm-not-good-enoughs.

You had a great time, not so? Love that for what it is! How wonderful for you!

UnlikelyAmazonian · 12/09/2012 20:16

Yep. You're no doubt shit in bed. He had his fill. Hmm

Why on earth you would want more from him? There are loads of others out there who would be happy to oblige. I really hope you haven't already started to have feeeeeeelings for him ? Fgs. Get back into the game and stop giving him another nano second of your time.

Original poster
ONSidiot · 12/09/2012 20:23

Thank you ladies, GOOD advice, just what I needed.

NO NO NO no feelings other than, that was a good shag may as well stick with a sure thing next week.

Back out to the grind stone then Wink

OP posts:
weaselbudge · 12/09/2012 20:34

Agree completely with sowornout. He is so full of himself that he assumes you want more than a sex buddy as women usually do start off saying this and then want more.

SPsFanjoSponsoredByOrange · 12/09/2012 20:41

Get back out there!

He obviously thinks he was too much if a god and now you want his babies Grin

Male ego for you!

SweetSeraphim · 12/09/2012 20:44

Yeah but weasel, it's so insulting. To assume that we must be going to get all emotional Hmm

I hate that.

BelieveInPink · 12/09/2012 20:47

You're not shit in bed. He text the next day, this confirms that. He didn't reply to your offer because you both said no strings. Simple as that. He didn't reply saying no, which would have been ace and not headfucketed, he just did the silence.

Honestly, I am never wrong.

tiredofwaitingforitalltochange · 12/09/2012 21:57

I agree that you shouldn't berate your skills in the bedroom. He flirted with you afterwards. Good for you getting out there...

Don't let what's happened (or not happened now) take away from you how good it made you feel. And don't lose any sleep over this guy, you don't want a relationship with him.

Let this boost your confidence, don't let it damage it.

tiredofwaitingforitalltochange · 12/09/2012 22:00

Meant to say, agree with sowornout. Men are arrogant so-and-sos and they think every woman wants a relationship with them. Their egos can't cope with anything else.

And yes, it is insulting, and bloody annoying when you KNOW that you don't fit that old cliche yourself.

But let it go, it's just him being a prat in a very predictable male way.

Original poster
ONSidiot · 12/09/2012 23:07

So is every guy is going to go running at the thought of a regular hook up?

My reputation is going to be shot!

OP posts:
RedDevilBattery · 12/09/2012 23:23

I have suddenly cut contact with a one night stand who asks for a repeat in the past. I thought quite a lot of them were very good in bed. (And it's not because I'm arrogant and think they've fallen in love with me.)

OrangeImperialGoldBlether · 12/09/2012 23:52

I don't get why he was texting afterwards if he didn't want to see you. I think he's been rumbled at home.

mercury7 · 13/09/2012 01:30

RedDevil now I'm wondering why did you cut contact? :)

NanaNina · 13/09/2012 01:37

I'm with OrangeIGB on this one. I think he's been rumbled at home. Definitely.

aurynne · 13/09/2012 02:56

I have done that before myself with one night stands, to be honest. Even if sex is good, often I just don't want "second" night stand, precisely because what attracted me to the sex was the fact that it was a one-off. You know, that's why they call them ONE night stands :P

Oh, and I am a woman, by the way. And I am getting irritated at your implications that a woman who has and enjoys sex with another consenting adult just for pleasure is a slag or her reputation is in doubt.

DuWop · 13/09/2012 06:23

i dont know, but ive got that silence currently as well. not from a ons, it was a bit more than that. But, sigh. if there is a magic way of making yourself feel better, then i want to know it too please.