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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The great yawning chasm that is one night stand rejection.....

51 replies

ONSidiot · 12/09/2012 19:08

So one year post divorce. I have had no dealings/interest or anything else in men during the year, I decided to give myself a time out to reassess how I was feeling, what I wanted, who I am etc etc.

And its been great, I no longer feel lonely at night, I have a great routine and i'm happy on my own. Except for sex. I missed the sex Grin

Soooooo and here it comes.....I went out for a night out with some friends and met a bloke, instant sexual chemistry, lots of flirting, ended the night with a kiss and exchanged numbers. Chatted and texted over the next few weeks. I made it MORE than clear that I was only looking for some no strings fun, no interest in any kind of a relationship (and just in case you aren't already screaming at the screen SLLAAAAAAGGGG) that to be honest I was just looking for a fuck buddy. He was in complete agreement, that was all he wanted etc etc. So we arrange to meet up (obviously for sex)...The sex happens, it was good, we chat for a bit and part on good terms.

I felt AMAZING the next day, I was so glad to have finally got over the hurdle of 'first man since divorce'...I decided to leave contacting him. And later that night he texts asking how I am, that he had had a good night the night before. So I decide to reply 'yes fine, enjoyed myself too, glad you're having a good day'...he texts again flirting and I reply with 'how about a repeat next week if you are free' and so begins the aching, rejection filled SILENCE. This was 48 hours ago.

I don't subscribe to maybe he has died, lost his phone, had his hand cut off. So the only other option is he doesn't want to hook up again. Also known as 'I don't rate you in bed and do not want to sleep with you again'

My phone is mocking me with its silence. I would have been quite happy with a 'sorry not really into another hook up x'. I would have been happy with 'no'. But the silence.......AAARRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH

OP posts:
ONSidiot · 13/09/2012 14:50

Aurynee, I think you can see that I'm not actually making that implication at all. I am perfectly happy in my choice to sleep with a man with zero emotional involvement, just for the pleasure of sex.

But I'm sure you are also aware that a large proportion of society does not see it that way? I know how men talk about women who repeatedly enjoy ONS. And it certainly isn't respectfully.

OP posts:
aurynne · 13/09/2012 22:24

Doesn't including these comments as part of your posts help normalize that assumption? I personally have never had anyone reacting like that to my one-night stands, and would have called people out if they did. Just as I am calling you out now :).

ONSidiot · 14/09/2012 19:44

Just a quick update for any interested parties...

There was something suss going on. But it's not that he is involved with someone. He lied about how old he was and was worried I'd find out. He's young Blush. V V young Blush. Not statutory rape young, but close enough Blush

OP posts:
ONSidiot · 14/09/2012 19:45

Cringing....

OP posts:
rubyrubyruby · 14/09/2012 19:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

deleted203 · 14/09/2012 20:02

No, No, No! You are NOT cringing! You are jumping on the sofa screaming - YES! I AM STILL SEXY ENOUGH TO PULL A YOUNGER MAN!' Or at least you should be m'dear. Is he late teens? (she asks nosily). I am not actually interested in picking up young men (got a lovely DH and I'm 45) but I still like to think I look pretty damn good. (I'm about 27 in my own head Wink). I was really taken aback a couple of years ago when 18 yo friend of DDs popped in with a young man about her age. When she went she hugged me goodbye and I turned to young fella to say, 'nice to have met you' and he backed off in horror with his hands up saying, 'I don't want a hug'. Sad. I wasn't going to give him a bloody hug! But it dawned on me then that 'No, lovey...you are not still sexy and men aren't grateful if you smile upon them. They look at you and think, 'OMG, sad, middle aged, menopausal woman might try and touch me'........Gutting! Use this experience to boost your ego - and then get back out there, girl! Wine

flatbellyfella · 14/09/2012 20:40

Why don't you pick up your phone, dial his number,& speak to him,rather than texting, you are both grown up people.

ONSidiot · 14/09/2012 21:12

er 18 young Grin

flatbelly, is texting the preserve of youngsters then? At what age exactly does it become unacceptable to have flirty text conversations?

OP posts:
BIWI · 14/09/2012 21:19

18Grin!

How old are you?

saintlyjimjams · 14/09/2012 21:19

OOh cougar! Wink So how much older are you and how old did you think he was? Grin

Helltotheno · 14/09/2012 21:22

Oh no!!! Lucky bitch! So you're.. how much older???? Maybe he was just looking for a bit of experience from a wise woman like yourself??!

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 14/09/2012 21:25

18? Sexual prime then...

Grin
damppatchnot · 14/09/2012 21:30

Love it!

Men can't cope when you treat them they way they often treat women i.e shall we meet for repeat text !

He will be frightened to death!

Ha

I married my ex at 24 virgin and all and when it ended v badly I swore I would just use men as I had been and boy o boy did I have fun

But what I learnt is men can't handle it when we just want sex

It confuses the poor buggers Grin

ONSidiot · 14/09/2012 21:40

Cough (30) cough.

I thought he was 24! He doesn't bloody look 18!

OP posts:
deleted203 · 14/09/2012 21:43

Damn girl - you hot!

ONSidiot · 14/09/2012 22:12
OP posts:
SPsFanjoSponsoredByOrange · 14/09/2012 22:23

I think the important question here is.....

Are you going to see him again now the truths out? Grin

PicklesThePottyMouthedParrot · 14/09/2012 22:28

Can I say never ever listen when people say act like a grown up and call him.

I have followed this advice in the past and looked like a freaking stalker.

If you text and it's ignored by god don't ring em!

Personally I think texting is a perfectly adequate way of communicating the first few times in this day and age, and it was normally coupled up friends telling me this.

garlicnutty · 15/09/2012 00:44

Haha, congrats OP Grin

Before I came back & saw your updates, I was going to gently point out that you contradict yourself - you say "One night stand, no relationship!" and immediately go all "He doesn't like meee!" when he doesn't reply to your text.

And now I've seen the update, I'm even more convinced you're going to get ill-advisedly involved with this one.

Never mind, enjoy him yourself!

solidgoldbrass · 15/09/2012 01:24

I raise my glass to you OP! Good effort! Now enjoy the memories and stop worrying. It's actually very true that younger men are often the best option for NSA shags because quite a lot of them really like mature women. When I was about 38 I pulled a 23-year-old, when I was 44 I had a threesome with two very fit 27-year-olds. They were all also nice people (at least as far as I know and were certainly nice to me).

ONSidiot · 15/09/2012 08:55

Noooooo not going there again, 18 is just slightly below my age radar!

SGB Grin I think your right, he has me pinned as some Mrs Robinson character 'cause I don't like girls my age'!

OP posts:
BonnyDay · 15/09/2012 08:57

ROAR!! This is the funniest ever. Lol you pulled a sixth former!!
You are hilarious.

Anniegetyourgun · 15/09/2012 10:57

18 is adult. Anything less than adult you'd have a point. This man is old enough to vote, own a house - hell, he's been able to work full-time and smoke for the last two years. He's older than some Olympic gold medal winners. He's certainly old enough to make his own mind up whether have a fling with a woman who isn't even nearly old enough to be his mother.

Oh, and...

Envy
Helltotheno · 15/09/2012 11:31

Interestingly, any BF I had who experienced an 'older woman' at that age always had extremely positive things to say about the experience...

But of course we all know he's far too young to be corrupted by a temptress like yourself so my advice is to get in there fast keep your distance [wink[

glastocat · 15/09/2012 11:32

18! Impressive! You are so Mrs Robinson. Grin

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