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Original poster

if you were my dh, where would you hide financial information?

65 replies

Longdistance · 12/09/2012 05:46

Hey. I'm at my end of my tether here with dh, and his selfishness, and obsession with money.Justsome background. We moved to Oz lastyear, all because he wanted to improve his career prospects within his company.
Anyway, since being here, I've been very unhappy. A majority of it is caused by him being a right arsehole. Example, he set up a housekeeping account, and the money would run out quick, as had two in nappies at the time, and one on ff (which is expensive here). He then kept questioning me as to why there was no money left (because he hadn't given me enough each month).
So, he was leading me to believe that we were struggling.
Anyway, I found out recently after going back to the UK, after opening some of his post, that he has around 8k in shares that he has not told me about Confused
So, I questioned him on it, and he was all sheepish about it. Now, the paperwork has disappeared in a puff of smoke, and I want answers from him.
So, if you were my said d h, where would you hide this information?
There's lots more to my story, but feel like I'm waffling.

OP posts:
Snog · 12/09/2012 06:02

At work or in work briefcase?

Purpleknickers · 12/09/2012 06:10

My ex used to hide stuff in the glove box of his car or under the bottom drawer of his bedside cabinet ( so that he had to remove the bottom drawer fully to get to effectively the floor space )

Good luck OP

Original poster
Longdistance · 12/09/2012 06:11

Good thinking batman! I'm also thinking his company car.

OP posts:
Original poster
Longdistance · 12/09/2012 06:14

Checked the bedside cabinet. But no panel to remove. Also checked under his side of mattress. His wardrobes, and his rugby kits. Also been in the garage looking, it's like an Aladdins cave in there lol.

OP posts:
ClaudiaSchiffer · 12/09/2012 06:18

What did he say about the shares? Have you asked him just what he's playing at?

ClaudiaSchiffer · 12/09/2012 06:19

Does he understand just how much more expensive groceries etc are here in Oz?

Original poster
Longdistance · 12/09/2012 06:22

He does know now. I took him shopping, and he nearly passed out. I haven't taken him shopping since, as the bill was astronomical.

He said they were good investments. My arse. He's gambling.

OP posts:
Jemma1111 · 12/09/2012 06:26

He could be keeping it a family members or friends house maybe .

What he is doing to you anyway is financial abuse .

Original poster
Longdistance · 12/09/2012 06:32

No close friends here yet. Defo not family,as his sis would be disgusted at him. She's clued up on everything about what has gone on.

OP posts:
ArthurShappey · 12/09/2012 06:43

Ask him.

Remind him he is your DH, you are partners. That you should not have secrets from each other and that he shouldn't be stashing and hiding money from you and your children... He has responsibilities.

Tell him you are not happy, remind him that you have a partnership and should jointly make decisions regarding your home, your children, your finances.

Ultimately if you really are unhappy remind him that upon divorce half of everything is yours including his secret money stash.

Original poster
Longdistance · 12/09/2012 06:51

I just got off the phone to him, as we rented our house at on the UK, and there is something like £700 profit from it. It's been 10 months, and I've not seen a penny Confused he said that he has been paying into the mortgage.

OP posts:
Original poster
Longdistance · 12/09/2012 06:54

Each month there's £700 profit.

OP posts:
ArthurShappey · 12/09/2012 07:35

Sorry but your DH is being very financially controlling and it has to stop. I couldn't live like this.

ClaudiaSchiffer · 12/09/2012 07:36

So are you saying he's been buying shares with the excess? Or gambling? Paying the mortgage or what? Sorry OP I'm a bit confused.

Not really the point though I guess, whatever he's doing with the money and OMG 700 POUNDS A MONTH!!! You should know about it.

Original poster
Longdistance · 12/09/2012 07:44

He says, that he's been paying into the mortgage. But, I haven't seen any evidence. I have asked him several times previously that I wanted to see the accounts, but as usual my request got ignored.
What I'm saying is, I think he's bought shares with some of the money, and hiding it. The gambling bit, refers to the shares, as you can lose on them, which he has in the past iygwim.

OP posts:
sunshinejanuary · 12/09/2012 07:48

Hello OP, I am wondering if he could have taken any paperwork to work and left it here? That way he could be sure you wouldn't be able to find it? :(

Original poster
Longdistance · 12/09/2012 08:28

I did think he may have taken it there, as it was there last nite, and this morning, poof, it's gone!
Bloody bastard

OP posts:
MadAboutHotChoc · 12/09/2012 08:34

His work office?

I would tell him that unless you both have full access and control of financial information, the marriage is over.

Original poster
Longdistance · 12/09/2012 08:37

Yes, that's what I'm aiming for, Madabout.

Just sifted through the pile he left neatly,and removed the paperwork, and found a sheet he has missed Grin that has the account number on. Just need a cunning place to hide that now.

OP posts:
BoerWarKids · 12/09/2012 08:43

Is he gambling, OP?

I really couldn't live like this, he's hiding money from you and it's not right.

olgaga · 12/09/2012 08:44

I think rather than play hunt-the-paperwork you should sit down with him and tell him calmly that things have to change.

Your finances are your joint finances and you expect from now on to know exactly what your joint financial situation is so that you can make joint decisions about spending, savings and investments.

If he is refuses to share this information with you your marriage will last as long as you accept the situation and not a minute more.

It is certainly unreasonable behaviour.

LittleFrieda · 12/09/2012 08:47

Is our mortgage in joint names?

fiventhree · 12/09/2012 08:48

LD, once it gets to this cat and mouse place, you are in true crisis in the marriage, dont you think?

I would insist right now on proper joint finances, to include:

joint accounts with any joint money
statements every month
access to online accounts
all account numbers
passwords.

I would tell him at the same time that if he lied about this, I would leave. You are already making a reasonable sacrific for him living there, so enough is enough.

If he says no to your face, or doesnt include the account you found in his reply, then see a solicitor. Even if you werent serious, I suspect it would bring him round sharpish.

panicnotanymore · 12/09/2012 08:50

My guess is either the office or he has switched to on-line accounts.

He's being weird btw. Not normal behaviour.

MamaGeekChic · 12/09/2012 08:52

I'd say he'd hide it at work. Can't you call the mortgage company and ask? I'm assuming it's in your name too. Do you have a joint account? If you do i'd be requesting copies of statements etc, if not I'd be demanding one is opened and all family finances are transferred.