if you were my dh, where would you hide financial information?

[Longdistance]

Hey. I'm at my end of my tether here with dh, and his selfishness, and obsession with money.Justsome background. We moved to Oz lastyear, all because he wanted to improve his career prospects within his company.
Anyway, since being here, I've been very unhappy. A majority of it is caused by him being a right arsehole. Example, he set up a housekeeping account, and the money would run out quick, as had two in nappies at the time, and one on ff (which is expensive here). He then kept questioning me as to why there was no money left (because he hadn't given me enough each month).
So, he was leading me to believe that we were struggling.
Anyway, I found out recently after going back to the UK, after opening some of his post, that he has around 8k in shares that he has not told me about
So, I questioned him on it, and he was all sheepish about it. Now, the paperwork has disappeared in a puff of smoke, and I want answers from him.
So, if you were my said d h, where would you hide this information?
There's lots more to my story, but feel like I'm waffling.

Too right, Dontmind.

Good luck OP.

Be bloody carefull here. Is he preparing to leave the marraige?

What ever the case you have a right to know exactly what is going on with your money. You should be sitting down together and having a thorough look at your incomings and outgoings. And make plans for your future together.

I am getting divorced at the moment from a man who wanted to manage our finances alone and refused to be pinned down when I asked him to sit down and discuss our finances. We have debts of £60,000 because of his miss management. Luckily the debts are all in his name.

Don't think there are any debts. More that his priorities are completely wrong. Like paying into the mortgage, cos he wants it paying off. We're not far off, but it's not a huge amount.

As I see it, he's just trying to squirrel money away for himself. His dad does this.
His family have always been frugal.

We have had a breakthrough, in that I'm gonna have access to his account bank account, so it's gonna be a joint account. Finally!

Oh, and before I forget, in 2009, just before dd1 was born, he secretly decided to buy £2k in shares without consulting me.

This is where the distrust comes from on my part.

You don't need to have copies of the share certficates - all you need to know is what companies he holds shares in.

I suggest you focus your attention on what comes into your newly established joint bank account as it should show any dividends he's been paid on any shareholdings which are held in his sole name and which, in turn, will enable you to ascertain how many shares you and he own in various enterprises as, by virtue of the fact that you are married, what's his is yours in terms of joint assets

Are you sure he only has one bank account? He could be paying dividends etc into another account. See if there are standing orders going out into other accounts too. I deal with money, house rental income, etc in our relationship and have ended up with 5 bank accounts only one of which is joint.

So-he gives "housekeeping" that has to be accounted for-but he can spend what he wants??!!

So, you´re being allowed on the bank account now-after he´s had time to set others up!!

Do you know what he earns?

If not-how will you even know if all his wage is going in?

I know exactly how much he earns, and it's loads. We're not badly off. He's just a tight arse when it comes to coughing up on things.
I had $5 on my purse the other day, and needed milk, bread and yogurt for the girls. Now, $5 will not get you far here in Oz. When I came back last week, I said I had no money in my account. He put $200 into my account. That is equivalent to £70 in standard of living terms, rather than conversion rate. This I was supposed to use for a weekly shop. Bearing on mind he gets paid nearly $8k a month. Work that one out!
I actually found a sheet that was attached to the share account, and it has the account number on it. I have also found an isa, and a few pension funds.
In the UK, he has several bank accounts, and moves money around.

Well now you can just take out what you want/need.

And maybe some extra for your own savings!

I'm actually going out 2nite, and he gave me cash, and said use the credit card for rounds of drinks if it's gonna get pricey.

I feel some cocktails are in order!

LD, I have been lurking and hadnt anything to add, but please can I now.

He 'moves money around'.

His dad did this.

He has done this to you before, had secrets.

He thinks it is his money, and that you are a second class citizen in the marriage.

This is not good at all.

His latest strategy is to fob you off with a few crumbs of name on one account, but i dont doubt for a moment that he is planning to redirect some of his money elsewhere.

My h had this attitude, not at all with money, but with me finding evidence of OW. Cat and mouse strategy. Give something, when you re in a corner, and keep most of the cards to yourself.

If I were you I would get couples counselling on this issue, which is an issuenot about money but about the power and control balance in the marriage

I'm with fiventhree - you really need to get to the bottom of this issue. Do not be satisfied with a few crumbs -its just a ruse to get you to shut up and then things will revert back to normal, but even worse as he will be even more careful to cover his tracks and tighten his control.

Did you have a good night out OP?

Oh, yeah. Had a fab night out. I've ended up with blisters on my toes from new shoes rubbing, as I danced my socks off :)
Off to the bank tomorrow to sort the joint account out, finally. And need to do the UK account somehow via, post/email, so I can see what's going on.
Thanks for all your help xxx