Have you ever done The Rules on a man?

[AnuvvaMuvva]

I know it's an unpopular book on here! But I loved it and wondered if any of you had ever followed it when you were dating. Did you follow it to the letter? What bits were the most helpful? Which bits did you disregard?

And did it work?! Did you marry the man of your dreams??! Please share!

I really don't go in for that kind of thing... I have read the book but I think I've a fair idea. Treat people how you would want to be treated and that will probably work better.

Haven't read the book...

What are the rules?

The Rules in a nut-shell = treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen.

So that might get their attention but does it gain their love and respect... Doubt it. It's not a very nice way to treat someone's feelings, unless you are only interested in being superficially chased but not actually loved.

Good god no. What a horrible way to treat a person. I don't think game players are going to attract well balanced men neither.

The Rules are a bit of fun, but have some good sentiment for a lot of women who chase too much. I interpret this kind of thing not so much as 'treat him mean, keep him keen' as 'he's the lucky one' which is subtly different. So, don't chase him if he's not calling/emailing etc; keep your options open unless you know he's really keen; keep your own life and keep busy, don't let him become too important in your life etc and don't wait around too long for a guy who's not wanting the same things that you are (commitment, family, whatever it is).

Loving, that sounds sensible.

I thought that when i read it House. Also i thought it seemed like rather a hard slog which i'd never be able to stick to

I haven't read the whole book...just looked at the website. Just took what I wanted from it.

If you act as a manipulative, lying, games player, by following the rules don't be surprised if you end up with a lying games player for a boyfriend.

Same as loving. Some of the advice is pretty non-contentious (if you are looking for your future husband, don't bother with men who are clearly not ready to settle down; make the most of your looks; don't cancel dates with friends to go out with your new boyfriend etc). Some of it is pretty manipulative, and whilst The Chase might be fun for some, personally I'm more about honesty in my relationships

I read that book and thought good god, if you play by these 'rules' you're going to end up with a stalker.

Who wants a man who would pursue and pursue and pursue despite the woman being so aloof?

There needs to be some mutuality in a decent relationship.

I wouldn't do it. It should be that hard!!? I think if you are thinking of buying that book though, you probably need to try to re-direct your eye away from the players and towards men you might have considered sappy or boring or too safe, or whatever. Give one of them a chance?? just a suggestion. I was in an abusive relationship for years and for me it felt a bit 'stifling' to be treated well. I had to make a conscious effort to get past that weirdness. Never read the rules though! I think I'd acknowledge now that I overlooked nice men for some bizarre reason. Won't be doing that again.

Christ didn't this book come out in the 90s - I seem to remember a Sex and the City episode about it.

It seems a very contrived way of living your life, don't go on a date on Saturday of asked after Wednesday and stuff.

I haven't and I wouldn't use the Rules, although I have read the whole book and used to own it. I'm too straightforward and prize honesty too highly in my relationships to be bothered with the faff.
HOWEVER, I do think The Rules has something important to offer in terms of it being a manual for self esteem of the 'fake it til you make it' variety. I'm sure for a lot of women most of the self-cherishing stuff in the book would be second nature. But for others, it can be helpful to have it pointed out that busy, happy people who like themselves and look after themselves in all ways are waaaaaay more attractive than needy, desperate creepy people with no personal care and no life. I mean, some of it is just sensible really isn't it? Kind of; how do some people expect to be liked and loved if they don't like and love themselves?
But a lot of The Rules is twatty bollocks, and anyway didn't one or both of the female authors get divorced because they were too busy working and going to book signings to maintain a marriage? It's also written very much for the New York kind of woman who has to compete fiercely to snag and then keep a man. Which never really seemed as applicable to British dating and life.

I haven't read The Rules in full, but flicked through it (once I'd already got engaged to DH) and I think I'd unconsciously applied some of them when I was seeing him! I had to plan my time with him carefully because I already had a dd and was also quite busy with studying and interests. I wasn't playing games, I'd just been single for quite a while, had my own life and it just didn't occur to me to drop everything to spend time with DH. I didn't really chase him by email or text because we aren't really email/text kind of people (we usually communicate to pass on information, not just to say hi). I am probably quite an aloof person in general, it's my character but DH is too.

It seems I broke the rule on dating for more than two years without a proposal, but I just wasn't interested in marrying - he proposed by surprise when we'd been together for four years. I was quite careful about not living together first though, because I couldn't risk me and dd moving in with him without the protection of marriage.

I really like the stories of "Rulesy by accident".

It's funny how that yes, it is an annoyingly prescriptive book BUT it works.

I was naturally Rulesy when I was young (17-23) and then I went through a hideous phase of just hurling myself at men. So awful. I'd take a perfectly nice, promising relationship and then just ruin it by "being myself" - which I took to mean giving myself permission to give in to every single chasing instinct.

I've read the book probably, no lie, 50 times. Someyimes I read it to give myself a bit of a wake-up call, that yes, it is OK actually to have a life of my own and not give everything up for a bloke - which, horribly, seems to be my default setting.

Why men love bitches is quite good. Despite the title, it's more about self respect and putting yourself/your own needs/whole life first rather than giving up everything for a man.

I have that and love it. :) Why Men Marry Bitches is good too.

The rules only work if the guy is interested enough. Otherwise he will just move on.

That is the philosophy behind The Rules though, Athendof. It's about not wasting time on ones who aren't that bothered and about not trying to persuade someone to like/date/marry you if they aren't interested in the first place.

Yes. It worked. The man was a cunt. Which is an extremely likely outcome when you think about it. If you want to attract a manipulative, game-playing control freak: play manipulative, controlling games.

The only other likely outcome is that you attract a bloke who's incredibly thick and has non-existent interpersonal skills, so doesn't notice manipulative games. But you could have him, if you want, with practically no effort at all.

Yes, that one gets much better reviews on amazon. and i'll admit to having read a few reviews ! and, I read that book he's just not that into you, which seems similar. i like that the book tells you to value yourself and I think reading it would remind you to do that, but the total dictat that you can never be the one to express an interest in a man, according to greg b. in he's just not that into you, you have to wait to be chosen. that is very passive. according to him, no man will ever treat you right or be that in to you if you've made the initiative. I'm not 100% about that! I think some men treat women well and some don't.