Have you ever done The Rules on a man?

[AnuvvaMuvva]

I know it's an unpopular book on here! But I loved it and wondered if any of you had ever followed it when you were dating. Did you follow it to the letter? What bits were the most helpful? Which bits did you disregard?

And did it work?! Did you marry the man of your dreams??! Please share!

Beryl, I used to work with a girl who said that years ago. She married a guy in our office! Both she and her husband were really blonde.

oh is the child the deal?! i have two children with a man I realised I didn't want to marry! durr. I know. I left him. Very glad I did. I'm with somebody very nice now. He is divorced and has children from his marriage too. He told me that he didn't want to get married again. Trying to decide whether that is something that makes me feel relieved or insulted!! not sure which!! bit of both.

I guess I did the "no diamond,no deal" thing too: DH kept saying things like "when we get married I want to..." so I said that he had to come good with a ring if he wanted those sorts of conversations. It worked...

I should have had more confidence in myself in my twenties. I think my problem was that I was always pitching above my league so I was afraid of being rejected if I pushed things. I should have gone for men who were less handsome and that would have given me back a bit of power. I know it's not that simple though, you also need for them to be a decent person who wants the same things!

Aaaw, Paralympia. No, you are the deal! I think it sounds like you have a keeper, diamonds or not. .

I am the deal! yes! you are right. of course. I get it. I need to read a few more of these books just to reinforce.

And Paralympia, I don't think I am the person you used to work with. To describe me as blonde would be pushing it.

The Rules aren't "game playing" though. It's not playing games not to sleep with a bloke on the first date. It's just that lots of us chose to do it now so it seems odd to think about not doing it. If you are prepared not to have first date sex with men whether you fancy them or not that's not game playing it's having a boundary.
Same with the Wednesday cut off for a weekend date. It's misery waiting for them to call or even worse being blown out when you call them. Look at that poor lass on the "why has he changed" thread. She's driving herself mad over all those text messages and she's probably not alone.Why not have the rule? It's not playing anyone because it doesn't change with their behavior and applies to all men whether you like them alot or a bit.
They do work because every time I do them men stay interested. It's up to me to decide if I want to carry on the relationship with them or not.

My opinion. The Rules are about women's disempowerment and trying to gain power or level the playing-field, using their attractiveness to the opposite sex and how best not to throw that chip down the toilet and capitalise on it as far as you can.

But, to me, its a miserable strategy. Though it champions "power", in fact at the heart of the book is women's powerlessness in the dating "game". And men are not stupid creatures generally: they can sense if a woman is playing a game on a house of cards.

The better strategy IMO is to actually find a way to truly value yourself and find out who you truly are (not easy admittedly), and then you won't have to bother with any Rules. You can just be yourself and you will automatically respect yourself and men will have no choice but to respect you or leave the building ...

But I get what others have said, it can act as a short-term break for women who like to throw themselves at suitors to stop and consider first! . However, I still don't think its a long-term solution emotionally.

That Greg Bernhardt has a saying in his book he's not that into you - 'don't waste the pretty' . I presume that means that you have to get a husband while you're young an dyour stock is high. Your stock falls as you age.

That combined with the advice that you can't pursue a man, you must wait to be pursued... it does leave you feeling passive and powerless, you have to wait to be selected! 0_o

I never understood the phrase 'don't waste the pretty' as related to ageing at all. I think it's more about women who have low self-esteem and don't believe they're attractive, so they put up with abusive/neglectful men rather than raising their sights for someone who treats them well. 'Don't waste your prettiness on someone who doesn't value you'. You can still be pretty in your 50s, 60s and 70s. And it still shouldn't be wasted at that age!

I've always tended to be the pursued person in relationships, just part of my personality as I'm quite shy. I don't think it made me feel powerless though, I've always felt a bit of relief that I don't have to do the approaching. But I don't think I've ever gone out anywhere with the express intention of being picked up, it's probably worse if you go out with those expectations and then feel you can't take action.

I bloody hate The Rules but they seem to work on a certain type of man. I see men being "played" all over the place. Often, though, they are men who consider themselves prize catches but who are, mostly, self obsessed tossers.

I also think Why Men Love Bitches is a better book. I don't want to play games to be with someone...