Argh! can someone help me make sense of new boyfriend's sudden change of personality??

[MrsKLemon]

Been seeing someone for about 8 weeks. We met online and at first saw each other about twice a week, a bit of a whirlwind romance, couldn't keep our hands off each other, lots of soppy texts with kisses etc. He was always texting me stuff saying he misses me when we wasn't together, couldn't wait to see me etc. However this past couple of weeks he seems to have a personality change!
He still texts every day but it's like he's texting a mate. No kisses and no soppy messages. Just straight to the point chit chat. Now, I'd be the first to say he's obviously losing interest but the thing is, he seems to want to see me more in person now than he did before.

Before we'd see each other on a weekend and maybe one night during the week - now he's wanting to meet up almost every night and is always arranging stuff for us to do so we can be together.

It's just so odd. Last night I was feeling rather soppy and sent him a text saying "missing you tonight, I'll let you know how the movie is xx" (I was going to cinema with a friend" and he replied "ok chat later" - a few weeks ago he would have text something like "missing you too xxxx"

I asked him last night if something was bothering him (after some very short and not very sweet texts) and he said no, he was just tired and not to read too much into it. He went on to say he really likes me a lot and loves spending time with me.

Today, his texts again sound like he's just texting a mate from work.

So my question is - I'm being neurotic aren't I?

But seriously, should I take it from the change in texts that he's losing interest or is he just becoming more comfortable with me now that he feels he doesn't need to keep up the girly sweet talk?
Are we seeing each other too much do you reckon? Have seen each other every day this week - maybe too much too soon?

He texts and asks if I can give him a lift to pick up his car (I'd offered this last night). I reply that yes, I can in an hour. He replies saying "you're a star, as long as it isn't a hassle for you". I reply saying "no, it's fine. See you soon x" - NO REPLY
but no reply was needed to that was it? or maybe he could have texted, ok see you then, and you could have texted back, OK then darling, and then he could have replied, OK see you then....OK....OK.....OK.....

no I know you're right Nelly. It's just that a few weeks ago he would have replied to that iyswim? it's the change that's got me wondering.

But as people have said, I've only known him 8 weeks, maybe THIS is the real him and the soppy romantic before was just an act.

As others have said you need to take a step back.

Acting cool is one thing but being so invested in someone that you have only known for 8 weeks actually is needy.

You should be deciding if you like him, if he is wrth your time,possibly even what you are doing at the weekend not why is he cooling off.

If you feel he is more distant then you should simply decide if that is a problem. It is not for you to analyse, interpret and then adapt to or excuse his whims of behaviour.

I am not expressing this well but you sound waaaay to invested when you don't know him well enough to know if he is normally romantic or curt.

Ha ha, told you! I took the kids out and left my treacherously silent phone at home and honestly stopped thinking about DP. Came home to find he'd sent a text! It never fails.

Fucked if I'll be sending any more though.

When did you shag him? Did his texts cool off post-sex?

But seriously, "see you soon" does not warrant a reply. What could he possibly send back to that? "counting the minutes!"??

Slap yourself. Breathe, put lipgloss on (it helps), shoulders back, tits out, calm yourself. And if you ever mention these concerns to his royal textness again, I'll come over there and physically throw your phone down the loo.

Said with love. :)

Play it cool, let him chase you a bit

I wondered if he did something naughty while you were away for 2 weeks (sorry to say it, but you did ask...)

Do you want it all lovey dovey again, or do you prefer his current approach?

In your shoes I would be glad the texts have settled into ordinary arrangement convos. But then I am as old as the hills. It would do my head in to have to do all that gush, maybe he thought he had to do it but it wasn't his real style and now he feels he can relax a bit (in a good way).

My instinct was also that he 'played away' while you were away and is pulling back because he feels guilty and is trying to rationalise it as mattering less, what he did. Sorry :(

You definitely need to make yourself less available, you are seeing waaaaaay too much of each other for this early stage. I hate to say it and I almost never mention the name of this horrendous anti-feminist tract but, you need to have a quick skim-read of The Rules. You do sound desperate and needy. You woud ideally have an already great and full life that he slots into, gradually over time coming to take up more room in your life. But he should never become your life and occupy so much of your head. At such an early stage, you are still dating and making your mind up about each other. Don't peak too soon or you will burn out and have nowhere left to go emotionally and progression-wise.

It could be something as simple as this - he's gushing about you to someone else and that person says, "Oooh sounds like true love - when's the wedding?" Boyfriend nearly has a heart attack and panics that he's given you that impression. The problem is that he does really like you so he wants to be with you but he doesn't want to give you any ideas.

I'm afraid I don't agree with OrangeImperial's hypothesis. It's not that.

Hey, I didn't say I was right! Just trying to throw out a different idea. He's trying to see her all the time, which doesn't tie in with him becoming less romantic. I was stuck for something to say!

Could he have had some 'help' with his earlier txts? I had a friend whose first txts to the man who she is now with were dictated by another friend and myself, and she keyed them in because she felt too nervous to say anything herself. Or he could have been given advice that girls like it 'gushy' and 'romantic' and he put in a lot of effort, but it didn't come naturally to him so he's now stopped.

You could make a jokey comment when you're with him like 'aww, I miss the lovely txts you sent me early on' and see what he says.

OrangeImperial -- I love you :D

Too soon??

Thanks, AnuvvaMuvva, I love you, too!

Not too soon.
But give it a few posts and the :D will disappear.then she will just like you a lot. Next thing you know you're driving her to get her car and she is quietly texting other mners....

I see red flags aplenty op. Back it up a bit. The second guessing rings massive alarm bells.

:D Pagwatch. That made me laugh.

Yo! OP! What's going on? How did it go yesterday?

Erection

Well I took him to pick up his car, he was still a bit quiet in the car but still 'nice' when he did speak.

Later on he came to pick me up, we went to his house - again a bit quiet, something not quite right. He didn't seem as cuddly as usual. However when I instigated a cuddle he was very willing. He later started saying about how he's pissed off with himself as he's had two weeks off work and done nothing and how he always gets grumpy when he's off work because he gets bored and fed up, starts getting depressive etc. Towards the end of the night he started acting like his old self.

Today - texts like in the old days with kisses and everything. Maybe he has just been generally fed up? I get fed up when I'm off work.

Maybe. But I'd listen to that sense of 'something not quite right' because generally instincts are very good even when there's no other explanation or evidence to back them up at the time; sometimes you find out later that your gut feeling was spot on. Just see how it goes I suppose if you don't want to broach the subject with him. I must say his manner has warning bells going off for me.

You are being taught how to recognise and manoeuver around his moods.

He's tested you to see where you pick him up on things. Now he knows he can ramp it all up a little, and get away with it again.

Next time you will have been told he gets grumpy because he's bored/off work/getting depressed.

That depression will grow and grow as the unassailable motive for him to behave like a twat and if you dare to say anything YOU will be lambasted for your lack of sympathy and then may go on to graduate to being the ACTUAL cause of his depression itself... if only you did this more for him, that less for yourself.

This is the cycle of abuse starting right here.

You have been with him 2 months. He is training you to be his victim. Trust your instincts.

Women with successful relationships DON'T post with quibbles in 2m, they are too busy glowing in the warmth that is the honeymoon period of meeting someone very special.

When your instincts are telling you things, FGS listen.