Argh! can someone help me make sense of new boyfriend's sudden change of personality??

[MrsKLemon]

Been seeing someone for about 8 weeks. We met online and at first saw each other about twice a week, a bit of a whirlwind romance, couldn't keep our hands off each other, lots of soppy texts with kisses etc. He was always texting me stuff saying he misses me when we wasn't together, couldn't wait to see me etc. However this past couple of weeks he seems to have a personality change!
He still texts every day but it's like he's texting a mate. No kisses and no soppy messages. Just straight to the point chit chat. Now, I'd be the first to say he's obviously losing interest but the thing is, he seems to want to see me more in person now than he did before.

Before we'd see each other on a weekend and maybe one night during the week - now he's wanting to meet up almost every night and is always arranging stuff for us to do so we can be together.

It's just so odd. Last night I was feeling rather soppy and sent him a text saying "missing you tonight, I'll let you know how the movie is xx" (I was going to cinema with a friend" and he replied "ok chat later" - a few weeks ago he would have text something like "missing you too xxxx"

I asked him last night if something was bothering him (after some very short and not very sweet texts) and he said no, he was just tired and not to read too much into it. He went on to say he really likes me a lot and loves spending time with me.

Today, his texts again sound like he's just texting a mate from work.

So my question is - I'm being neurotic aren't I?

But seriously, should I take it from the change in texts that he's losing interest or is he just becoming more comfortable with me now that he feels he doesn't need to keep up the girly sweet talk?
Are we seeing each other too much do you reckon? Have seen each other every day this week - maybe too much too soon?

It does sound a bit much too soon - is he wanting to keep you all to himself, rather than letting you have time with your friends too?

I think I would take more notice of how he actually treats you when you are together, rather than the text messages. Sounds like you went through a bit of a soppy phase and things are settling down now - I wouldn't say he is losing interest, when he actually wants to see more of you.

Try not to get paranoid and over-think it all - if you want to see more of him, then do, but ask yourself if you are actually enjoying his company and gettign what you want out of the relationship. If you are feeling stifled, or it is all too much, back off.

Eight weeks in and he's already got romance-fatigue? I don't think you're being neurotic actually. Most people are either good at mush or they're not. They don't switch on the mush to lure you in and then switch it off once they think you're snared. He may be 'comfortable' but that's perilously close to taking you for granted. Does he make an effort with romantic gestures in other ways or has that all dried up as well?

I love spending time with him, I'm just aware that rushing things has a tendency to break them and I was a little worried that was what was happening.

I just need to relax I think. He has said before that he doesn't like texting.

I'm with the "overthinking" here OP. His "actions" are showing you that he wants to be with you. In my opinion text should be kept for just making arrangements etc. I could text my partner half a mills and boon love story and he'd reply "Ok, thanks".

It's just weird though, before I went on holiday he was really, really soppy - all over me, saying he didn't know how he'd cope not seeing me for 2 weeks etc - then first week of my holiday he was still all mushy, texts every day saying he was missing me like mad - 2nd week of the holiday it stopped. He said he couldn't get a signal where he was (he went camping) but even when he got home he wasn't texting much. Then we met up again Monday night, he was all over me - Tuesday cold as hell. Wednesday we saw each other and I felt like we were just mates although this was the day he reassured me that he liked me and loved spending time with me etc and asked me to meet up with him tonight too. Today his texts have been slighter better but still not like they used to be and I think he's just "trying" because of what I said last night.
We're meeting up tonight so we'll see.

Oh ok OP it does seem like he may have another agenda here doesn't it.

I'd back off in your shoes. Put your feelings to one side tonight and really try to "see" what he's doing.

Does sort of sound like he may be hedging his bets and there's another one in the running now.

Sounds like he met someone else :(

8 weeks is a bit soon for you to be telling him stuff like "Your texts gave changed! Do you still like me??" At 8 weeks, you should still be assessing his behaviour and deciding whether or not he's good enough for you - not worrying enough to ask for reassurances.

I realise this is REALLY HARD, but try to change how you see yourself. Rebrand yourself in your mind as a beautiful, sassy, confident and glamorous woman who has a full, busy, interesting life and no time to notice boring text messages. DO NOT ASK HIM FOR REASSURANCE AGAIN - IT SCREAMS INSECURITY. At this stage, you should not show insecurity about his feelings, it's much MUCH too keen and invested.

To be honest, it sounds like he was infatuated a bit at the start and worried you'd meet someone better on holiday. Now you're back and seeing him whenever he wants and are asking him if he likes you, he's cooled off and doesn't feel he has to try so hard.

Back off a bit. Let a day go by when you don't contact him at all. Don't scramble to reply to every text within minutes. Don't agree to see him every night - you should have so many fun things to do in your own life that you literally couldn't see him 4/5 times a week even if you wanted to!

Put yourself first.

Xx

PS I realise how hard this is. I'm struggling with exactly this scenario at the moment, so really I'm writing to myself as much as you!

I think texts are the work of the devil. Guaranteed to cause depression. :(

But if he'd met someone else, why would he keep wanting to see me almost every night? This past week he literally hasn't had time to see anyone else.

It's strange. Earlier I sent him a short text just saying "anyway I'll leave you to it, cya tonight at 7". Only then did I get a reply back with xxxx on the end!

Treat em mean, keep em keen? really?

Anuvva - I'm going to keep all that in mind and try it out! even if I'm not feeling quite so cool inside, I'm sure I can fake it

I'll be doing it right alongside you! Seriously, the past week has seen me change from sassy and sorted to a BIG NEEDY MESS when it comes to text messages. My DP was always amazingly attentive via text but since Saturday, he has cut way back.

I refuse to say, "What's wrong? I love you but you didn't replyyyyyyyyy..." because I'd rather shoot myself in the face. Instead, I'm keeping hyper-busy and trying genuinely not to mind.

It's hard! :(

I would say, I don't have reason to worry about DP. But it still hurts.

See that's the thing Anuvva, if they'd always been like that fair enough - but a sudden change in the way someone behaves is never a good sign is it?

How long have you been with your DP Anuvva?

One thing I have noticed, is that men seem to sense when we're thinking about them obsessively. It's like they can smell it.

I've always found that as soon as I have got myself genuinely engrossed in something else and genuinely have stopped thinking about a man, the man in question then gets in touch. Immediately. It's weird.

So tonight, I have found a tonne of fun things to do at home and I'll be doing those. I will bet £10 that as soon as I start doing them, DP will send a lovely text, or phone. But while I'm here staring at my phone like it contains all the secrets of the universe, it'll remain silent.

Have fun tonight, DO NOT ASK FOR REASSURANCES!!! Just HO out, have fun, be cheerful.

Go out, not HO out!

I've been with him years. We just got engaged. I'm still bonkers. :)

Oh - you can't talk about a change in personality yet, as your relationship is so new. You're still getting to know him, you dknt yet know what his normal behaviour is! That's what I meant about taking the first 3 months (at least, ideally 6) to SEE IF HE'S GOOD ENOUGH. Anyone can be romantic and attentive in the first month. Let's see how he acts longterm!

Another one - just now -

He texts and asks if I can give him a lift to pick up his car (I'd offered this last night). I reply that yes, I can in an hour. He replies saying "you're a star, as long as it isn't a hassle for you". I reply saying "no, it's fine. See you soon x" - NO REPLY.

I'm starting to think he's taking it for granted a bit that he knows I'm really into him. Time to make myself unavailable for a while maybe.

"Go out, not HO out!"

@ AnuvvaMuvva - great advice there but at the auto correct.

Being cynical- are all teh dates all about sex? or ishe arrnaging things for you to do together?

If the former, I'd say he wants sex, knows you are willing, and he cant be arsed to make any more effort with the Mills & Boon stuff.

But it could also just be that no one however keen, can keep up the lovey dovey stuff ad infinitum.

'See you soon' is a sign-off - doesn't exactly invite a reply. But yes, don't be quite so available, waiting by the phone, etc.

sorry blasted phone. sorry for typos.

Wanting to see you every night is way ott. You should both be rationing yourselves out at this stage.

You don't know if this is a sudden change in his personality. You have known him only 8 weeks. In other words, you don't know him at all.

You need to back away. This whole thing is all wrong. It's not a relationship. It's one desperate and needy person (this is how you come across) projecting feelings onto someone else who may or may not be a player, or who simply may or may not be into you in any way except physical. If that's what you want well and good but I think you need all of this too much for your own good.

I agree with Anuvva's posts here.

No he arranges loads of stuff for us to do, takes me out for meals, walks in the forest/along the beach, taking me to a festival this weekend and away to see a band next weekend - it's really not all about sex.

Maybe I am being a bit clingy and just need to chill out a bit. In person he's great. It's just the texts that have changed. Contact inbetween seeing each other iyswim?