Please help. I've had an affair and told my husband - I now realise I want to work things out

[onanightlikethis]

We have been married for 11 years, together 15. I'm 40, he's 42. We have 2 kids 7 and 8.
I love my husband but as is probably normal we have got stuck in a rut, taken each other for granted and fallen out of love bit. He's not the most demostative person.but I know that he loves me and our family.
Stupidly, I let my head be turned by someone else, who gave me the things my husband did not. I told my husband 8 weeks ago that I needed him to change - be more affectionate, do more to help me, interact with the kids more. He has tried to change and I can see that. On Sunday a conversation eviolved around buying furntiture and spending money on the house. That led to me saying I didn't want to stay. We didn't argue or fight- he said it's clear I can't be who u need. We discussed separation. He has now run with this, taking practical steps to make this happen. He's moved into the spare room. I confessed to an emotional affair with someone else- he knew this person and could pinpoint the night it happened.
I know I have hurt him terribly. I have apologised. My difficulty is that I can't stop crying and I wonder if this means I have got it all wrong.
I spoke to him last night saying I can't reconcile why I am so upset if this is what I wanted, and I had been blaming him, but maybe a lot of it was in my head and I had issues I needed to work out. I asked him if it was saveable- with counselling- even if the outcome of counselling was that we would separate, at least we would be able to say we had tried everything. I feel massive guilt.he said I had broken him.
Has anyone been through this and how do I know if I'm sad at the loss of our marriage and the guilt, or if I'm sad because I want him and our marriage to work?
I know if I commit to stay I have to be over 100% sure it's for the right reasons.
Any advice appreciated.

Any French "love child" has the same rights as his or her half-siblings born within wedlock, provided the father is known and has recognised his child. This cannot be overridden by a will.

Olive - In the UK if he is not in your father's will the love child will only be able to inherit if he has a claim under the Inheritance Act. To have a claim he would need to show that he was dependent on your father at the time of his death.

On the other hand, if your father died without making a valid will the love child would have as much right to inherit from your father as you.

Bonsoir, this woman's attitude is not typical in France is it?? [horrified]

No it's not, because French people are usually pretty well acquainted with the law on this issue. And, frankly, there are so many familles recomposées and children born out of marriage that no-one bats an eyelid as to whether parents of a child are wed, unwed or wed to others!

RElieved to know that this woman's attitude is unusual.

We are talking a bit. He's still obviously very very hurt. I have apologised and now am waiting for him to come to terms and decide if he wants to try to save things. I can't believe how stupid I've been.

Good luck digbert x

It sounds like you have decided you want to stay too.And for the long term I presume.
Have you told him that?

So, that's UK inheritance law?

I still think it's pretty shitty of a father to exclude a child from inheriting.
Unless he has contributed in other ways towards the child.

Or if there are personal reasons to exclude said child from inheriting, other than the fact that he was born out of wedlock.

If that is aimed at me the answer is yes! The basic rule in UK law is that you can include or exclude whoever you want when you make your will, but you must make reasonable financial provision for anyone who is dependent on you at the time of your death.

Good luck digbert.

No, prh47bridge, it was to Olive, whose message got deleted.

Whatever happens, digbert, I do hope you both get to be happy, together or not.
Also because you didn't seem to be happy in your marriage before.