Just told H that I think we should split up

[justtryingtodomybest]

I've posted here before about my relationship with H.

Well I finally bit the bullet and told him that I think we should separate. I knew it wasn't going to be easy and I really had to build myself up to it. But I still think it was the right thing to do.

Still feel a bit sick though.

Just wanted to send you a big hug, I had to ask my daughter's dad to move out last September and it was one of the hardest things I have had to do!!!

What was his reaction?

He was very calm to be honest. Quite shocked - although I think he was more shocked that I've actually taken a stand, iykwim.

Wow, just read your threads OP - I am a little speechless at his behaviour. Since he was single for 9 years, and with his own flat when you met him, he was presumably able to run a household alone. And then to completely abdicate responsibility just because you married him, so you can do it all? Wow.

I do think you have done the right thing, but I can appreciate how hard it is. Now to the practicalities. When is he leaving and where is he going (not that you need to care about where, just when). Do you have a solicitor lined up? Maybe dealing with the practicalities will move you both past the 'shocked' stage.

He keeps saying he has nowhere to go tonight - although I have suggested a number of friends and also a local Premier Inn (or similar). He can stay tonight but he'll need to go somewhere tomorrow.

I spoke to a solicitor a couple of weeks just to understand my position. So I'm quite clear on how everything should work. And I can go back to see him again if there's anything I need help with.

Did he know at all that this was on the cards?

Well I have tried to talk to him about it before. But I think he thought he could just butter me up for a little while and everything could just go back to normal.

I would probably insist on the Premier Inn. Letting him stay tonight might make him think he has an opportunity to change your mind. It could be stressful.

He just made a joke about the fact that my cat (who has never liked him and won't go near him) has just got round to staying in the same room as him....doesn't seem like someone who's devastated by the loss of their marriage?

Or it could be his way of saying "surely if your cat is starting to come round to me, we still have a chance". As i said, I think he's going to use tonight to try to change your mind.

Maybe - I hadn't thought of it that way.

What is he doing now?

If he is there maybe concentrate on talking to him tonight and sorting out what you are going to do and post on Mumsnet about it tomorrow eh?

If you are sure there's no need for him to stick around tonight. I would want him to go to the premier inn tbh and if he wouldn't that would only be likely to steel my resolve.

Good for you Just,
I just read your previous threads and it looked like it was over for a while.
Good luck for the future and stay strong tonight while he's still there.
:) Cat probably senses he's leaving and is doing a polite catty fuck you mate goodbye :)