Had enough-toxic mother, difficulties with Dh/dc, stuck overseas

[Salbertina]

Dont know where to start! Overwhelmed, want to escape them all..go back to better version of old Uk life with a job to go to, adults to speak to, sense of purpose...
Underlying it all tho is the huge hole inside me which my kind mother seems v recently to have uncovered. I've posted about her before but am finding it increasingly difficult to rationalise/excuse/ignore her cruel, narcissistic attacks, even with therapy..j feel so isolated and alone. Have fun friends here but no real ones I think, all in uk.

Will reply later x

Thanks,Frida

For the day to day stuff, try to find some time to go for a brisk walk. Use physical sensations to distract from the emotional pain, like gripping ice cubes, masturbating, cold or hot shower .
Emotional release is some thing that you need to do but if it is overwhelming you then you need to find a way to put them away til you are somewhere like therapy where you can.focus on them fully.
As for letters to parents, I wrote loads but did not send them as I learnt long ago getting validation from my parents was not going to happen. Writing letters still helped a lot though.

Thanks - ALL worth trying for whatever release! You're right, it's keeping a kid on it in some way, brisk walk sounds good - used to all the time but now in v c car-bound country. No excuse tho can definitely do leisured walks
Yes, I need to keep writing letters also.
How are you doing, Frida? You always sound so sorted, but I know life unlikely to be so easy from what you've said.

I'm amazing considering what I am facing. and compared to how I would have been facing this a year or two ago. I take the approach now I change the things I can and accept the things I can. I was crying during worship (quakers) but that is an allowable time to let go.

Oh, Frida, sounds tough though good to be able to express it. You're doing v well by the look of it, take courage and pride in that.

Have also attended a few Quaker meetings over the years-v much respect their non-hierarchical services and pacifist stance.
Am currently exploring mindfulness/Buddhist/meditative practices as fit with my need to calm my restless soul and wrestle it into living in the present.

And, sued you know it, but the wonderful serenity prayer is a great reflection, your words just reminded me of it:

"Grant me the serenity to accept the things we cannot change,
Courage to change the things we can,
And wisdom to know the difference."

Of course I mean the things I cannot change as the things which need accepting.
The serenity prayer is a fab thing to keep in the back of your mind. Still never quite sure what I should be accepting and what I should be changing, but I muddle through somehow!

My dilemma too! But a nice reminder of how universal this is, makes me feel less alone