Am I bisexual? I really don't know what to make of my feelings. Can anyone relate?

[amibi]

Hi

Ok, so i've always been attracted to women, but very seldomly and it's a very specific type. My first sexual experience was with a woman, well a girl really.......I was only 14 and assumed that I was just experimenting. I've heard that loads of women's first kiss was practising on their best friends, which was kind of what my first sexual experience was. However, I can't seem to shake this need to go all the way. It was only a bit of a fumble when I was a teenager, but recent events have made me want to pursue my feelings more.

I confessed a month or so ago to DP that I find some women sexually attractive and that I get turned on with the idea of two women together. He said that he kind of already knew and if I were to act on these feelings, he wouldn't see it as cheating and so kind of gave me his blessing.

Since he's told me this I can't stop thinking about having a fling with my ideal woman. I feel like I really need to get it out of my system, but then if I like it, it wont really be out of my system will it?.....

Does anyone understand this? Should I just leave it as a fantasy? Or should I act on it?

Really appreciate your words of wisdom

Thank you!

Houseofplain makes the point I wanted to ask about: would you be okay with him going off and having 'just sex' with someone else?

Cos if he's given you his blessing but you wouldn't return it - well, you just need to make sure you're both ok with that.

Amibi ~ Its interesting that you mention having a fling with your "ideal woman". This suggests that it goes beyond the physical, longing for a sexual experience. Speaking from experience, the fantasy is very different from reality. There was another poster who also spoke about the intensity of having sex with another woman; it is just off-the-scale compared to sex with a man and even more so if you have an emotional connection. I don't label myself bi, but have been in relationships with men and women.
If you are prepared for all the potential consequences of this experience then go for it! I would suggest though, that if you don't want to upset the balance in your relationship with your dp....don't go for your "ideal woman" for this experiment!!

What if it was the best sex you'd ever had? You probably wouldn't be satisfied to leave it at "that one time", would you?
And I asked earlier if you had children. It's not actually relevant to your sexuality but if it were all to go very wrong ( or very right, depending on what way you look at it!) if you have dc's you also have to think about whether you want to break their family up for something that you could perhaps have done without.

Are you bi? I don't know. To me, someone who's attracted to men and women is bi, really.

I would actually like to think that it would all be lovely and you'd have your curiosity satisfied and you and your dp would all live happily ever after. But people can be so damn complicated!

By the way "The Turning Tavern - Down Bi the..." is still running as a thread...maybe you could go there for some advice and chat and support as there are many others in your situation or similar....

Yes, do come down to the tavern, OP, I've been on there for a while as I'm in a similar position to you (understanding DH etc) and masses of curiosity about my sexuality.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/a1512303-Turning-Tavern-IV-Down-Bi-the-riverside-near-the-well-of-loneliness

Well, whether to pursue or not is entirely up to you OP. But, before you do make a decision, you must think of everything first. Your DP being ok with it is a very small step.

How would you go about meeting someone? dating sites? ad in the paper? friend with benefits? gay club?
How much time would this involve?
Would DP want to meet the person you are going to have an encounter with? If it was another bi woman in a straight relationship, how would your DP feel, if her DP wanted to be involved in anyway, even just meeting you first?
If it turned out to be a regular thing, how would it fit around your current relationship? how would you prioritise? If she rang you up, to meet, but your DP had organised a surprise weekend away?
How would you feel about the other person's feelings, getting too emotionally involved etc?

Having your cake and eating it, creates a LOT of crumbs!

Thanks everyone for all your posts. Really appreciate the time you've all taken and i've found a lot of them genuinely really useful.

Mountain, I found yours particuarly interesting actually. I wouldn't want a threesome actually. I would maybe with a man and woman I didn't know, but I wouldn't want one of them to be my partner as I think it would crush me(not literally) At the time i'd probably love it, but reflecting on it would really hurt I think. This is why i'm unsure as how to go about DP's reaction, because I can't relate to him being cool with it. Does that make sense? Anyway, I won't be doing anything unless i'm 100% that he's taken everything into consideration and still is ok with it.

Yes, I'm not sure he is really that cool with it. I think it sounds as though it isn't that he isn't bothered about sex with a woman but that he thinks he wouldn't be bothered about sex without feelings. If you cannot guarantee you wouldn't have feelings or aren't pretty damn convinced you wouldn't then I think he isn't really cool with it. Then there is the thing of what to do if he thinks you are having feelings that you arent and all the issues with the other people who may get involved. There's a lot of issues to consider here you've made a good start talking about them already.

Also, when I was coming to terms and out of denial about my own sexuality, this site was invaluable

www.shybi.com/forums/

Thanks Olympic

Just had a look at that site. What was it particuarly about it which you found helpful? Was it the forums/chat? Or did you actually meet up with a lady?

Mainly the forums and chatroom, it was a real eye opener. Suddenly I didn't feel like a weirdo, there were/are thousands of women experiencing the same confusing feelings that I was feeling, I didn't feel alone anymore. I didn't want to talk to anybody in RL as I didn't want any female friends to think I was coming on to them by talking about it.
I haven't been on there for aaaaaaages, had a quick look and a few things have changed but still many posters that I remember. Made a lot of friends there and now RL friends with a few of them.

Amibi - I'm happily married to DH, been together 18 years, and I have a girlfriend of 4 months. When GF and I first kissed I told my DH and he was ok with it. (I had been bi in my late twenties and DH knew about it prior to getting hitched). When I asked if I could explore more, DH said yes. But when I said was going round to hers and her DH was out for the night, my DH freaked. It took a month negotiate the terms of my secondary relationship; DH knows he and our DC are my primary concern. I love my DH more for giving me the freedom to have a sexual and emotional relationship with another woman. Be aware if you take this path, 100% honesty is a must. If you ask for freedom, you have to be prepared to give it. For me, my relationship with DH is better - on all levels. But being non-monogamous is not for the faint hearted!