Honey traps and stunning women aplenty - dating thread 20!

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20!!!!!!

Bloody hell :)

I laugh with everything too, you can't beat a good belly laugh

Hmmmm, ok. If he was in contact a lot prior to the date, then yeah, can see where you are coming from, and do agree.
Though It's Fucking weird behavior, isn't it.

Snape, he sounds fab. And, ahem, don't want to say it, but did I not suggest way back at the start of your evil plan you might accidentally meet someone you really liked? BTW, does PM know you went on a date?

meanwhile, I know I'm still new here but posted a real dilemma above and would love some advice. Any thoughts please...???

Yogagirl why don't you just meet him for a coffee and see how you feel then? As one wise MN'er said to me recently, it's a coffee not a marriage proposal.

It doesn't even seem weird to me anymore. I expect it now. Such is my experience of online dating, I have come to view it as perfectly normal that I will go on a date, get on well, they will very obviously fancy the pants off me, there will be extensive kissing, they'll say they want to see me again, text me the next day...and nothing will ever happen.

yogagirl so sorry! have been all up in my head.

I'd defiantely see him. as time said (oh, wise and bountiful time!) just meet for a coffee, see how things are, depending on how you feel you could tentatively stick a toe in the briney and see how things progress. I think you're right to be wary, but sometimes you need to be a little bit brave. :)

watch he likes Tim Minchin. I'm not 'floaty' I'm horny. it's different.

sponge the man is a cad! not you, him. not you, him.

Aw, sponge, I"m sorry.I think it's so hard to weed out the ones who actually want to get know you and not just (quite literally) "fancy the pants off you".

Snape - he likes Tim Minchin & Dr Who & used to be a uni lecturer? If you end up with PM after all this, can I have Mr Staines cause he sounds right up my street!!

So you think I should meet him for a coffee? It's definitely tempting, although now I'd have to get in touch with him cause he most definitely left the ball in my court. I have his email address...

sponge it's perfectly normal to get terribly disaffected with online dating, because there are such a huge amount of tossers there. how about a wee break and regroup? small consolation, but I think you're lovely - you're very down on yourself sometimes, but as someone said (time?) up thread or thread 19, you always take it on the chin, but it's so sad to think of you being unhappy. I think these things can become a bit of a self fulfilling prophecy at times and we can get into the mindset of '2nd-date-won't happen', so there can sometimes be subconcious signals. (?)

You wrote a lovely, positive post at the top of thread 19, please keep re- reading it. :-)

Yoga I think you might as well go for a coffee, it only needs be an hour or so, no big deal.

As for men wanting to get to know me, in my case that (like second dates) is something that never happens!

yoga sure, I'll pass him on when I've made him unfit for any woman after me! glares at phone!

yes! yes! you must get in touch with him - but first we have to give him a silly nickname so we all know who we're talking about. ;-)

Right, Yoga
Sorry, I missed it as I was trying to catch up with the posts since yesterday afternoon.

Taste in music: I did find it a problem with ex.
Not having kids: probably a good thing. Unless he does want biological children and you are post-menopausal (or are 100% sure you don't want any). But you can only find out by contacting him.

If you are not ready, you are not ready. Or you could just date, more as friends, and find out if you really are, or not.

Sponge what Snape said. The law of attraction states that you get attract what you put out there. If you are negative then negative things will happen, because you attract them. Or it could just be that when you think negatively you only notice the bad things and miss the good. BUT, whatever it is, stop being so hard on yourself. If he doesn't want to see you again, move on, don't give him any more head space, don't waste your time, thoughts and energy on Mr Wrong, because while you are wallowing over a loser you are quite possibly missing out on Mr Wonderful. NEXT.................

I'm actually for a change not at all down on myself at present, I think I'm bloody great, hence this is all the more galling - and I liked him, but not hugely, so I'm irritated by it, but not at all sad.

I can see that it's totally possible to give the wrong signals subconsciously, but can you really do that by text...?

Um, silly nickname - well he's into Northern Soul () can you do something with that?

sponge - It's so not you, it's the men on these sites. Maybe you could try tweaking your profile a bit to discourage the ones who are just after a shag - men are like small children, they don't respond to subtelty! I think my POF profile (now deleted so I can't go back and look) actually said something like - "If you can't compose a complete sentence or insist on using the words "sexy lady" or "hun" - don't bother!"

Lueji - thanks. The music thing does bother me cause I'm really into music but have completely different taste from him. The children thing - his profile says he doesn't want any (which is good cause I'm not having any more!!!) but I worry that men without kids don't get the massive part they inevitabley play in your life. But like you said, will only figure all this out by actually talking to him.

I already told him last week i wasn't sure I was ready. Was thinking I could email him, be totally upfront about the fact that I'm not sure where I'm at but if he's still interested would love to meet for coffee..?

it wouldn't have any bearing on parental responsibility nor the divorce
You are right. Not legally, but I suspect he might well make things more difficult.
"Having another man acting like dad to DS"

But then, it all goes back to: if it is a fleeting relationship, it's not worth the aggro. And no point in introducing a man too early in DS's life. It's bad enough that he only contacts his dad by phone and skype.
If it does become serious, then I'll take whatever.

So envious of Kat and Tom, yesterday.

yoga Mr Stax? (northern soul record label)

truly I can actually talk about anything, from DNA helixes to Northern Soul. :)

Yoga a few months ago I had a thread whereI posed the question as to why men only ever seemed to want to shag me. The conclusion (after I'd received some helpful advice and a lot of harsh criticism) was that anything I say or don't say, or what I look like in my photos makes very little difference.

Mr Overalls is not my usual type at all. He's got a degree, does a professional job. He never sent me anything even remotely filthy before our date, so certainly didn't give the impression of looking for a one-off, quite the opposite.

Lueji - I think you're right not to introduce him to DS yet. If and when you decide you are in this for the long haul then they'll be plenty of time to deal with that.

Yoga. Are you sure about his taste in music?

Because, for example, Mr Kippling had Techno (which I don't like for more than say 5min), but he actually seems to be more into jazzy, Cold Play type music, which is fine by me and I enjoy too, although I'm really a rock lover.
Ex was into really crappy music that I couldn't stand and he couldn't stand classical music, which I also enjoy.

Hello girls.

snape so glad it went well. Sitting smiling, we all sorta knew it and first date sex doesn't make you a slapper or else I am a dreadful slapper

lueji I am waiting on my divorce, my ex won't acknowledge it, think he thinks it won't continue without his signature and he would make things difficult for me if he knew.

sponge it isn't you. Onwards and upwards, sometimes it happens when you least expect it.

yoga you should go. You never know. I think we all get wobbles. Go, enjoy and see what happens.

My news, well this morning I got a message asking if I fancied going out Friday.....erm he was fit and has invited me before. But I of course cant go so I wondered if anyone fancied it. Lol. Still its nice to get so much some male attention.

LOL Snape - thanks! Have to admit that's better than the stuff I found, tho still not really my taste (I'm much more into straight rock, classic rock, a bit of bluegrazz, anything with acoustic guitar etc). But at least it will give me something to talk about if I do meet him! Right, Mr Stax, I can live with that.

Sponge - you're right, sounds like I would have been quite hopeful about Mr Overalls too. Man, this dating thing is hard! Never really did the whole 'dating' thing when I was in my teens and 20s - it was more like, you started to liek someone you went to school or work with and then you got together. After being with my XH for 18 years it's all new to me.

oops, bluegrass!

Hes your ex, he doesn't get any say in it leuiji. He can shout all he wants, doesn't change it.
Do you think he will think that way when he meets someone?
In any case, he woyidnt be your ds's dad, but your boyfriend. There is a difference, a huge one.

Yogagirk, yes, do coffee. Certainly wouldn't discount based on music taste or lack of children... It's only coffee, not a commitment :)

Sponge, glad you aren't down :) you are allowed to be Gaulled! LOL
Maybe, and don't shoot me, part of the problem is men fancy you, but aren't interested in ' you' you are a very attractive woman. They just see sex. Maybe you need to try a different approach, or type of man? Or coffee date where kissing is less likely? ( just trying to think of ways they get to see ' you' not your appearance first.