The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Still On A Sober Holiday, Waiting For The Summer!

[Mouseface]

Hello, tis me, Mouse

I'm one of the Brave Babes on the Battle Bus, it's HUGE and never gets full, the doors are always open, 24/7, every single day.

We're a mixture of people who have been drinking for most of our lives and in one way or another, abuse(d) alcohol.

Some of us have stopped drinking every day completely and are taking it One Day At A Time.

Some are trying to control their drinking with medication, willpower, AA, some of us aren't quite sure what we want or where we're trying to get, but we're here, we're all in the same boat Bus, and there's a seat for ANYONE who wants one.

You can find the previous threads HERE and where this Bus first started it's journey, thanks to a wonderful lady, who'd hit rock bottom face first (and she'd admit that to us herself), seeking help and advice from a bunch of 'strangers' on an internet forum........

Come have a peek, take a seat, we don't bite or judge. We listen and will try to help, best we can.

it definitely caters for you isinde. do you think part of it is a confidence thing - given your triggers: going on business trips, going away from home and having to pull off being an internationally know 'whatever'... do you feel you merit your success? that it's right that they pay you to come and do what you do and you're worth the money and the respect etc?

just a thought. we assume it's because it's easy and you're being offered on transport and by clients and you're in a hotel and etc but it's also the time when the pressure is on and you've got to be the professional, worth her payment isinde - could it be anything to do with your confidence over your work?

Also it's just un-settling going to new places and meeting new people - much as we might also enjoy the adventure ? Speaking of adventure I like the idea of riding up on that roof-rack - a bit like being on safari - we can look out for tigers and lions and bears ? Or being a train-robber - & jumping dangerously across the carriages ?
( conditions for not falling off, no drinking in the week for me ! )

I think it's pronounced dozza-va-chenya Isinde

I am in complete awe of anyone who travels around the world on their own to meet groups of strangers and do business with them. It would terrify me. I can certainly see how a few drinks to 'fit in' and bolster courage could help the initial ice-breaking. I am also in awe of anyone who can conduct business with a stonking hangover.

Isinde thank you for reminding us all of the incredible service that Mouse does by continuing to set up the new threads. I've been on the bus for 15 months and met the most diverse group of intelligent, compassionate, soulfull, interesting women (and one very wise man). I think of you all quite often really (is that sad ) and count you in my blessings x

Morning, tis me, Mouse

Faire - yes, I have been shown (not trained as such) how to restrain a melting down Nemo. I gently hold his arms and legs, remove him to a more open space, advise other children to just let him have a little cry and reassure them that he's okay. I always make sure his head is safe from a mighty thwack too! I talk to him soothingly and try to calm him, sometimes this works, sometimes not.

What I need is help for me, my own strength so that my core is strong enough to hold him safely when it happens. DH and I have also gotten to the point where we are going to look into funding for disabled adults. I can't turn in bed, I can't get up out of bed without help, things are just getting worse so we're looking at a bed that moves up etc so I can at least be more supported when getting up....... I'm 37 FFS.

And thank you for the new leaf idea, I love it .

Anyway, IsinDe. I know that you be feeling like Deep Fried Dog Vom this morning and that all you put down on here was from the heart but no flaming from me.

I think it's time to stop this cyclical drinking and start doing something about it. ALL OF IT! What Saf and Faire said made perfect sense to me, the pressure of presenting to a new client, or a presenting yourself and all that you do for a new pitch, the constant single roomed hotels, the travel, the leaving your girls, the need to get it right..... it all adds up.

You only ever seem to get really hammered when you are alone. I think that if you really do want to stop drinking how you are currently, then it is time to be honest, open and make a change. Only YOU can do it, you've seen it thousands of times on here, the ODAATs, the 'it's all in your hands'..... etc.

What's stopped you getting medical/emotional support so far? If you have, why do YOU think it's failed? You know that I care about you, I have always been honest with you about your drinking and what YOU are doing to yourself, and your life, your WHOLE life IsinDe.

Juggling - nice to see you lovely . Pass the parcel. Hmm, mental and emotional torture for under fives each and every time. They don't get it do they? All the parents willing them on to pass it around so that it could come back to them, then it they'd win the prize at the end.... of course that's always been the same, the way you encourage a child to pass it round so it comes back to them..... maybe it's time to change that?

Nemo has only just got to grips with any parcel not being all about him. His Birthday was in May. He thinks that if it's in a box and the posty brings it, it's for him.

So. It's Sunday and my gym membership at a posh Country Club runs out next weekend. I can't afford to renew it, nor it there much point as I rarely get there, nor do I want to pay for something so expensive when we have a brand new leisure centre down the road, with all the facilities I need to help re-build my core, safely and slowly. They have physio trained staff there so I plan to pay as I go which they do there too

Anywho, I have just booked myself in to one last day at the Country Club thermal spa suite next Saturday. It's my treat, to myself for not drinking my way through this cold, not drinking my way through these intense pain levels of this last week and quite frankly, I want some time off! DH was delighted that I'd finally suggested it. Something just for me.

TMI ALERT - I have also got my period, 56 days after my last one. I am certain that I'm going into menopause so that's another thing I need to discuss with my doc when I go and ask about help with funding, whether I can get some sort of back brace/support too......

Lots of to do things on my lists! Yes, LISTS!!!! Plus I am now off my horrid meds after a slow reduction. No more FattyMcFatFatMouse with a bit of luck.

Clutter - I hope the wedding went well? Did I miss a post from you, sorry if so.

Rural - are you okay? I've seen your name mentioned but not seen much of you I think?

Hello and a very good morning to all other Babes.

Obrigada - how are you? I hope that the weekends are getting easier for you and that you are still firing on all cylinders with this no drinking lark, it really is good feeling alive in the mornings instead of a former you that you once knew.

Right, I'm shutting up now. Off to our lovely pharmacist to get me something to stop these horrific period pains..... yuk!

Faire -

Thank you so very much for saying that. This is going to sound so very stupid, pathetic and maybe weird but I love setting the threads up. It gives me a sense of worth and belonging to something, almost to someone. It gives me a job to do that doesn't involve being a mum, a carer, a wife, a cleaner, cook, skivvy, general fecking maid.......

I feel a part of these threads, even if I'm not always here, I know that if I fall off the Bus, arse over breasticles as I would do if that happened, that people here would pick me up, dust me off, tell me to pack it right in and try again.

I like knowing that the thread is here for us all and for me to come and post on about more than just drink. Yes, the alcohol is our common theme whoever we are, but life is also a common theme for us all, the two go together imo.

If you're a drinker, if you can sink a bottle of more of wine a night (or whatever your poison might be) then your life will be affected by alcohol.

These threads are part of my life because I've met some really lovely people here who have helped me in so many ways, just by sharing how they feel about their own drinking, just by posting how scared they are, about what they stand to lose, about how their relationship is all going to shit because of the booze etc.

Saf - you in particular have been a real eye opener for me. I had never thought of you as an alcoholic but maybe that's because at the time, I hadn't thought of myself as one either. Maybe I'm not, maybe I am. One thing that I do know for sure, with no doubt at al is that given the chance, I will abuse alcohol.

I'm so pleased that we all share where we get our support from too. Not everything will work for all of us, you kinda have to tweak things a bit to make it work your way, but the biggest thing of all for me is that YOU HAVE TO WANT TO STOP DRINKING HOW YOU ARE NOW.

RIGHT NOW!

I love starting the threads, keeping them going, keeping the seats free on the Bus, making sure that there is always someone around to answer a new poster's questions, it's a life line to so many.

Just to know that you're not the only one who hides bottles of alcohol, full or empty, around the place or at work etc until you can get rid of them on your way home or out. Just so that the neighbours don't see into your recycling box and actually, so that YOU can't see just how much it all adds up.

I love this thread and I hope that it continues for many years to come. I've been here just over two years I think, not far behind IsinDe.

I hope that the thread, the posts we post, the things we say, help someone. Even if they help one person out there, posting or not to take a good long hard look at their life and realsie it's time to change then great.

Long may Gerald, The Brave Babes Battle Bus continue. xx

S'pose I best get dressed, can't go to the pharmacy in my PJs

Sorry to hear about the party, Mouse. My late sister (special needs - learning disabilities) could have the mother and father of all meltdowns. The worst of it was the disapproving stares - usually from old biddies - that accompanied it. Sometimes, even extended members of the family could be disapproving and rude. I actually dropped a friend because they were moaning about how 'stroppy' sis was - I felt like asking him whether he had any offing clue how hard life was for her? grrrr

Kotinka - sorry to hear you're having a hard time. I'm afraid that most of my suicidal impulses (so far, not acted upon although I have spent rather a lot of time in psych units due to bipolar) are fuelled by drink. Loneliness and isolation tend to go along with depression etc :( Hope things soon look up - nine days is fantastic!

I've not managed to give up booze. I'm drinking about a bottle a night. It feels like the only thing I really have to look forward to. I've had some concerns about my marriage lately - no activity in the bedroom department for months and my husband seems to be mentally absent. I don't think he's having an affair, but when I ask him what is wrong he says that nothing is wrong. I think he's stressed about work or something.

I'm back from the pharmacy..... Buscapan and Feminax Extra, with paracetmol too. I'm shattered today but my plague is easing a bit!

Koti - I want to give you a massive hug sweetheart, you need to slow down, sit and think. I'm going to PM you as I don't want to disclose something very personal to my own life in public as such xx

Grey - It feels like the only thing I really have to look forward to. I've had some concerns about my marriage lately - no activity in the bedroom department for months and my husband seems to be mentally absent. I don't think he's having an affair, but when I ask him what is wrong he says that nothing is wrong. I think he's stressed about work or something.

So, wine is your only real companion right now? Emotional companion? I have been there..... not with DH but with a long term partner. Being in the same room with him but feeling so very alone. Utter solitary. Like you're in the room with a stranger, someone you used to know.

Have you told him how you feel? Have you talked about this? The longer that is goes on, the harder it is to go back..... There have been times in my marriage where DH and I have not made love, been intimate for so very long due to work with him, stress and pain with me, Nemo's needs.

BUT - we do still find our way back together. We do talk, we do say how we feel, we've had to learn to do that though, we both come from relationship templates where talking wasn't an option as such.

Are you still in love with him? (Sorry, I should say ignore me or PM if you don't want this out here, or tell me to do one!) Are you in like with him? Do you miss the real him? Do you miss the YOU as a couple?

Life throws some shit our way and we don't always dodge it, it sticks. It's hard to read what you wrote, it's like you are almost raw...... xx

And also, re your late sister, I hate the stares. Nemo's face is cute, he's a cutie but he has plasters on one side where the feeding tube sits, (look at my profile pics) and of late, I seem to really notice the stares far more....... I actually wanted to ask a woman the other day in the supermarket what it was she was looking at....

And the 'Awww, bless him's that we get. I feel like asking why when we get a day full of it. I understand people can feel sorry for him, or us maybe...

Maybe now my period has finally arrived after a whopping 56 days, I'll be more serene!!

Greyhound don't you think you are also opting out of your relationship by drinking so much every night? You won't be able to fix your relationship from the bottom of a glass.
I know because because I was there too. I can't promise a happy ending, but being sober and present at least gives you a fighting chance.

Kotinka well done on your 9 day success, I hope that was yur lowest point and you are on your way up now, please keep on checking in to let us know how you are getting on - are you getting any RL support?

kotinka really sorry to hear about your problems, I hope you are feeling stronger now

greyhound hey, how've you been! I missed seeing your posts

This morning, I was tidying up before Mother Arrived, and I put DHs beer bottles in for recycling so she wouldn't see them (not that he drinks a lot... comparatively, but I never know what goes through my mother's head!) There were NO wine bottles to hide!! Whoopeee!

Am very tired - lunch wasn't awful, but it does feel exhausting - looking forward to my early night, clean sheets and new pyjamas (am making a big deal of clean sheets because we're usually dirty tykes who change the bed about once a month )

Ten days. Have probably now reached a place where if I was to drink an average-to-large amount it would give me a hangover as my body has forgotten how to process alcohol.

koti 9 days is fantastic, hope you are coping with life and things are getting better. I know that lonely isolated feeling. You should be really proud of what you have achieved
greyhound agree with mouse and bproud regarding DH .communicate, talk, discuss if you can. I am in a marriage where that is not an option as far as NSDH is concerned, I tried in the past, but gave up some time ago.
It has got to the stage where I avoid being in the same room with him as much as possible as it cuts down on his verbal abuse time.

I am back on the bus,(day 2) thanks for keeping me a seat nono and hope you are feeling better.
I went to 2 AA meetings last week and if you haven't tried AA and are ready to stop drinking you should. I will probably go back at some point and I have someone who has been sober over a year I can call now.
Having said that it is very difficult due to distance and living with a control freak to get to meetings and at the end of the day I am not ready yet to admit I have to stop drinking completely.

hit and run post i'm afraid as there is mayhem with wet stoopid animals here but koti now is the time to seek and use all the help you can a) because you need it and b) because that's what ss need to see. my head has gone blank a bit on your living circumstances i'm afraid so hard to get a 'picture' in my head.

hope you're ok x

Bang on Saf re Koti

It's time to start to save the rest of your life sweetheart. xx

I'm off to spend some time with DH, and get my PJs on. 56 days of a built up period (sorry, TMI) is pretty horrific.

I hope that I have chance to do the new thread later, if not first thing......

For the new posters, we always fill this one up first so that we don't miss anyone. There will be links along the way to the new thread so that no-one gets left behind.

Night for now, might be back. xx

Oh and PS - DH is doing story time with Nemo in his bed, for the first time ever. I got a bit emotional that it wasn't me doing the story! how silly am I?

Hi to all. Great post is indie. I am jealous that u are in Poland. Beautiful place with some special memories for me.You are so right about the bus - I am in the sidecar mostly but have met such wonderful people on here. We all owe mouse such a big debt of gratitude for keeping the bus on the road.I'm not contributing much at the most but I'm here and reading about you all.

Ma - nice to see you lovely xx

And you owe me nothing, I do the threads (set them up) because it gives me something other than being everything to everyone else does if that makes sense.

How are you? How's DD's hunt for the funding going?

Mouse, we have funding for one more month at the moment. Must Hope the remortgage comes in before then.things a bit tough. Need to get a grip of a few issues,drinking being just one.

Everything crossed for you Ma xx

Right no more chatting, I'm putting the new thread up tomorrow. xx

Welcome back rural. Glad you had a good AA experience

koti - listen to the wise words of the venerable babes and try and get some help. You need and deserve it

isinde - I wonder whether there is something of a 'learned' coping behaviour with your drinking on business trips too ? I used to do that a lot when taking the train. Partly loneliness and also unaccountability. I was really just no one on the train / plane. No one to watch me or report on me. And I didn't matter to anyone.