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Original poster

When someone makes you uneasy..

57 replies

BBwolefs · 21/08/2012 14:42

What do you do?

I have a friend who is also my DP of 8 yrs mothers godchild. She has "known" DP simce childhood but DP and friends versions of how well / how close differ quite greatly...

This person was in the same year group as me at school but i didnt know her as such, again a history she doesnt seem to remember.. Anyway when I had my DS we started to meet and she seemed fine, however around my DP she always seemed a
Bit odd, a bit OTT?
We were friends for a while and during that time I did a lot for her to support her through tough times. More recently we have drifted and she has done some quite annoyong things to me, although seemingly without intention.

At the last time the two families met again it was all a bit weird and I find the way she is around my DP still unsettling...

Would you cut ties? I think inshould, not in a great dramatic way just in a phase out way..
I am due DC2 this year and have DC1s bday party so think I am likely to have to see them at some point, but gut feeling is that i feel
Uneasy for a reason?

Sorry if its a bit vague i dont want to
Out myself in RL

OP posts:
Original poster
BBwolefs · 21/08/2012 15:14

Bump

OP posts:
MissFaversam · 21/08/2012 15:19

A gut feeling about what? Does she flirt with DP?

OneMoreChap · 21/08/2012 15:20

Bit of an odd story surely?

I have a friend who is also my DP of 8 yrs mothers godchild. She has "known" DP simce childhood but DP and friends versions of how well / how close differ quite greatly

Would you cut ties

Err, bit hard without agreement of DP surely? Have you discussed this with DP?

solidgoldbrass · 21/08/2012 15:22

If your DP wants to have an affair with her he will, end of. You cannot control other people's behaviour, and trying to do so makes you look like an idiot.

Or is there something else that bothers you about her? Is she an addict, alcoholic, criminal?

Triffiddealer · 21/08/2012 15:23

OP - I appreciate that you don't want to out yourself, but your post is so vague, it's really hard to know what to say.

What is this weird feeling? Is it about her? Do you think she is two-faced or jealous? Or is it about the relationship between her and your DP?

If it's just that you were good friends, but now think it was too one-sided and that actually you don't have a lot in common then let it drift - absolutely. Be pleasant to her face, but no more. How often would you have to see her?

Original poster
BBwolefs · 21/08/2012 15:30

Well SGB you can always be relied upon to give just the kindest response cant you??? Form or what!!

I have no concerns about my DP and her having an affair and at no point said that.

Re cutting ties DP wouldnt give a fuck he knew her as the sister of a friend, this is really not about him.

If i was vague i should clarify. She makes me feel uneasy in the way she is towards DP like she is seeing a different past than there actually was and is just generally overfamiliar - his words not mine and he meant in terms of the things she asks, she can be v crass.

I meant to say that i just feel a bit uncomfortable and used around her. She would expect an invite to dc party an to meet dc2 and id imagine to our wedding next year. As i said i dont mean a never speaking again thing i just mean no effort from me, just hi's an byes type thing.

OP posts:
MissFaversam · 21/08/2012 15:33

Not sure I understand the "uneasy" thing here still but yes just be pleasant but distant.

If DP doesn't respond and you trust him 100% then I don't really see what the issue is?

Original poster
BBwolefs · 21/08/2012 15:33

Perhaps my OP was a but unclear i did alot for her in terms of help with childcare and lending property (never returned) and in the last 6 months or so he cant even be bothered to see me etc. thats what i mean by uncomfortable.

OP posts:
Original poster
BBwolefs · 21/08/2012 15:34

Does everything on MN have to be about men? I mentioned DP as he is the main reason she got in touch in first place

OP posts:
Houseofplain · 21/08/2012 15:37

So she has known him since kids, he will have a past. She is the godchild of your mil. So they have a relationship? You want to cut ties. For?????

I'm not getting it?

Houseofplain · 21/08/2012 15:38

and in the last 6 months or so he cant even be bothered to see me etc

Does everything on MN have to be about men?

Well...............cos there is your problem...

OneMoreChap · 21/08/2012 15:41

BBwolefs Tue 21-Aug-12 15:34:40
Does everything on MN have to be about men? I mentioned DP as he is the main reason she got in touch in first place

This still sounds odd to me especially since you kicked off with:

however around my DP she always seemed a Bit odd, a bit OTT

Me, I'd try and work out why I was uneasy and then not see them.

Incientally, I said Have you discussed this with DP? and you said DP wouldnt give a fuck he knew her as the sister of a friend, this is really not about him which suggests you haven't.

I think there's other issues here, but sod it, don't see her.

scentednappyhag · 21/08/2012 15:42

If you don't like her, don't see her Confused
I don't understand why it needs to be any more complicated than that.

Fairenuff · 21/08/2012 15:45

I think that was a typo house

OP if you want to let the 'friendship' between you and her dwindle, that's fine. If you don't particularly like her company and find her actions odd, then just let it be.

I don't see why you should invite her to your dcs party or your wedding if you don't want to.

UterusUterusGhali · 21/08/2012 15:46

Maybe she's uneasy around you, and is overcompensating with niceties around your DH.

Houseofplain · 21/08/2012 15:48

I imagine the reason she is feeling awkward.

Is these families obviously DO have a history. She is the MILS godchild. She is still on the scene for family occasions. So I am imagining the families are still close like that.

They all have links. So if op starts cutting her out. When she is part of the inlaws social circle. For no other reason than "she feels like it".

She might rightly get a few people questioning her motives.

pictish · 21/08/2012 15:49

This is as clear as mud! (confused)

mampam · 21/08/2012 15:56

Sounds to me like the friendship has drifted apart. If she's not been making an effort then I wouldn't bother. No reason that you can't say 'Hi' if you bump into her which you probably will if she is an old friend of the family and your future MIL's godchild but that doesn't mean you have to be friends with her if you don't want to.

Kaluki · 21/08/2012 16:03

Why are you getting so annoyed when your OP is so unclear?
I thought you meant you were worried she flirts with your DP too.

Then I thought your DP and her were close but apparently he doesn't give a fuck.
So don't bother with her then ... Simple!!!

Houseofplain · 21/08/2012 16:07

I think the thing is.............she wants to cut her out TOTALLY because she thinks she is trying to jump her df.

A little bit awkward. Come family occasions, weddings, births, christenings. When she has been a part of the inlaws to be family for a lot longer than op has......

As obviously being god daughter to the mil and still expected to go to family occasions. As families they must be a bit closer than op is making out.

Original poster
BBwolefs · 21/08/2012 16:10

House the HE should have been she.

When i say she is MILs godchild - in title only, the families are not close, dont socialise together etc so i would not see her unless I invited her i simply stated that to contextualise why an acquaintance got in touch and built a relationship with me. Ditto for mentioning DP.

Im not being clear but i cant give minutia of detail as I wouldnt want to hurt her feelings as such but I guess im just feeling used.

The point about over compensating is probably something ive not considered which seems to fit, she is generally over familiar with all people (not just DP which some of you seem to have inferred) she asks very direct questions without considering how uncomfortable she makes people.

I guess i just feel a bit bad for consciously choosing to not bother.

OP posts:
Fairenuff · 21/08/2012 16:13

I don't see why you would have to be friends with someone just because they are you MIL's god-daughter. Be polite if you bump into her and just don't invite her to your family parties. If you run into each other at other family parties, fine, be courteous but don't make her any part of your life that you don't want to.

Original poster
BBwolefs · 21/08/2012 16:13

Hahhahah fucking hell some of you take a running leap into filling in your own blanks? Can someone not just be concerned about the way they are considering treating another person? No i have to be insecure about her wanting to fuck my fiance?! She has not been a part of my inlaws family her mum simply picked my MIL as back in the eighties they were friend, she isnt a "part of the family" and the reason im narked is ive been called an idiot by a poster who
Used the term grief wank about dead kids, and then its Being assumed that im
Neurotic and insecure. Perhaps i should of just left the family ties out!

OP posts:
Houseofplain · 21/08/2012 16:14

Nothing makes any sense. So I don't know how you expect proper opinions?

Houseofplain · 21/08/2012 16:15

WHAT ARE YOU ON ABOUT? Jesus wept op.